NCAA Investigators Bust Into John Calipari's Office To Find He's Already Skipped Town
LEXINGTON, KY—As part of an investigation into possible rules violations, NCAA officials visited Kentucky's basketball facility following its championship win this week, but found no trace of notorious head coach John Calipari, whose messy office appeared to have been hastily and recently abandoned. "Slipped through our fingers again," said lead investigator Michael Huber, who found clipboards scattered on the floor and open file cabinet drawers that appeared to have been hurriedly emptied. "By now, this guy's probably a thousand miles away, running his scheme on yet another team. We can vacate what he did here, but we'll probably never catch him in the act." The only person inside the building, a janitor cleaning the halls, told investigators he had never heard of Calipari and seemed to believe the facility was used by the University of Kentucky's art history department.
http://www.theonion.com/articles/ncaa-investigators-bust-into-john-caliparis-office,27870/
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Then they were a little slow.
