Forum Discussion: Atheist Children & Religious Holidays

[rug]

By Austin Cline
November 20, 2013

One of the biggest sources of conflict between atheists and their religious families may be their relationships to religious holidays. Atheists who can no longer treat religious holidays like they once did can feel like outsiders; religious family members can feel like they have been betrayed. Within this nexus of conflicts, the biggest conflicts are probably over what to do with children, especially on holidays like Christmas.

A forum member writes:

How do children turn out when raised by atheist parents? My daughter has just told me she was atheist .she has a 3 year old son that is my heart. and she informed me that I can't give my grandson xmas present on the 25th I can on the 26th but not the 25th. Needless to say I am very upset. My daughter was not raised in a very religous home she was not made to go to church nor did I preach to her.

Does anybody have any advise!!!!!

Asking whether kids "turn out" OK when raised in an atheist home is rather like asking if kids turn out OK when raised by Jews, Catholics, or blacks. It really is that offensive, though I'm sure the questioner here had no intention of being offensive and had no idea just how bigoted that first question really is. It's a sign of how far atheists have to go in America: we don't just need to combat the open bigotry of people who know they are bigots and are unapologetic about their bigotry, but also the unconscious bigotry of people who have no idea of the bigoted attitudes and assumptions they hold.

Beyond that, though, this questioner raises a very interesting and important issue. Many atheists celebrate Christmas as a cultural holiday and so have no problem with gifts and other festivities on December 25th -- at least when they aren't religious in nature. Other atheists, though, are turning their back on Christmas and treating it as an exclusively Christian holiday, an attitude which many Christians would probably appreciate. In such a context, gifts and celebrations on the 25th simply wouldn't be appropriate.

http://atheism.about.com/b/2013/11/20/forum-discussion-atheist-children-religious-holidays.htm

[Dorian Gray]

1. If my daughter

chose atheism and didn't want to celebrate Christmas, I'd work with her to figure out family time and family traditions that we could still celebrate together. I don't see why this would be a problem for many families.

[cbayer]

2. I would hope people would treat it the same as if I they a child who was vegan.

It's possible to accommodate everyone in these situations and offend no one.

I would also hope the same would be true of an atheist parent with a religious child. Or a christian parent whose child converted to Islam.

Etc.

Most religious holidays are imbued with meaning beyond the religion itself. It's possible for all to celebrate the things they share while respecting the things they don't.

[AtheistCrusader]

3. I don't feel like an outsider.

Christmas is a pain in the ass though. It's become a fully commercial holiday at this point, and that's not a great situation, believer or not.

[muriel_volestrangler]

4. Since it was an adaption of non-Christian (though still religious) holidays

I don't see that there needs to be much worry about it being Christian. You can do it in a very Christian way, a vaguely Christian way, or a secular 'family gathering' way.

[dimbear]

5. Give your brilliant young grandson a remembrance of Sir Isaac Newton instead. Forget Christmas.

Go for Newton's birthday, which was, let's try to remember oh yeah December 25.

[rug]

7. The Philosophiæ Naturalis Principia Mathematica will not easily fit in his stocking.

I doubt he'd get up early and run down the hall to unwrap it.

[dimbear]

8. It is, however, a very beautiful book.

It comes up in the PBS discussion of Comet Ison............

[rug]

9. But rarely in a discussion of Christmas.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

10. You haven't seen my Isaac Newton Poster.

With his picture and under it "Isaac Newton born December 25, 1642" With the frontispiece of Principia Mathematica and the formulas for the 3 laws of motion.

And the companion poster I also painted with a Sun on the left, The Earth on the right, and the axis and "23-1/2 degrees" written above the Earth.

Between the Sun and the Earth it says "Axial Tilt is the Reason for the Season".

They put "Jesus is the Reason for the Season" in light as part of the City Christmas display, but they wouldn't believe it was unconstitutional because they have "traditions." Just like the traditional Nativity scene on the courthouse grounds at the county seat. They do it because it's traditional, case law be damned regarding the establishment of religion clause in the First Amendment.

[rug]

11. We need a Newton balloon for the Macy's parade to get into the spirit of the season.

[hrmjustin]

6. I have found that many of my atheist friends celebrate the secular aspects of the holidays.

You make it into what you want it to be.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

12. Christmas is fun.

It's a basic psychological need for light at the darkest time of the year, the Winter Solstice.
That's why lots of civilizations have solstice celebrations. When people get depressed because they don't get enough light, it's called Seasonal Affective Disorder.

My family always celebrated a totally secular Christmas, which basically meant no nativity scenes but everything else was cool. We went to late night Christmas Eve services at the Episcopal Cathedral which had the best choir in town, and sometimes at our local Presbyterian church.