God Admits He Rarely Forgives (Onion)

[cbayer]

http://www.theonion.com/articles/god-admits-he-rarely-forgives,34970/

NEWS • Religion • God • News • ISSUE 50•02 • Jan 16, 2014


The Supreme Being confirms to reporters that forgiveness is “not really in my disposition.”

THE HEAVENS—Calling into question centuries of religious dogma and commonly held beliefs, the Lord Our God, Creator and Supreme Ruler of the Universe, admitted Tuesday that in actuality it is “extremely rare” for Him to ever forgive an individual.

Speaking to reporters, God, who admitted that He is “generally motivated more by anger and spite than forgiveness,” reiterated that being forgiving is “not in [His] nature,” and on the whole constitutes a small part of what the Lord does every day and what He feels He should do every day.

“I do not particularly enjoy absolving humans of their earthly transgressions—I prefer to punish the wicked, hold grudges for thousands of years, curse entire regions and ethnicities for the sins of a few, and so forth,” said God, Our Father. “I typically ignore the words and deeds of the repentant and make a concerted effort to restrict any such individual from ever taking my side in the Kingdom of Heaven. I also take particular satisfaction, even glee, in repeatedly punishing those who have sinned at any point in their lives and are endeavoring to gain my forgiveness through prayer and good works.”

“Essentially, only individuals who have lived lives of unblemished goodness shall receive my love and charity,” He added. “Otherwise, it is exceedingly rare for me to forgive any living creature who has erred in my eyes, least of all a human.”

more at link

[hrmjustin]

1. There goes my loving God theory.

[cbayer]

3. Yeah, I think He has pretty much cleared that up, lol.

[trotsky]

2. So how come it's OK for you to mock beliefs?

I don't get it.

[hrmjustin]

4. It is ment as a joke. She is not mocking.

[trotsky]

5. Are you sure about that?

Can you read her mind?

Many things in here have been posted as jokes, but some people felt they were mocking. Cbayer often leads the charge in attacking and shaming anyone posting material like this. For her to turn around and engage in the same type of behavior seems hypocritical to say the least.

[hrmjustin]

6. I think we can tell the difference between mocking and joking.

[trotsky]

7. Who's "we"?

Does everyone draw the line exactly where you do?

[hrmjustin]

8. Yes we all have different opinions on mocking and joking but this was just a joke.

[trotsky]

9. So you admit that some people may classify the OP as mocking? n/t

[hrmjustin]

10. Anything is possible. Do you think it is mocking? If so how?

[trotsky]

11. It's certainly not mocking my beliefs.

But we agree that some people could find it so, which does make posting this quite hypocritical.

[hrmjustin]

12. I doubt the believers of this site find this mocking.

[trotsky]

13. But you don't know that for sure.

And neither does cbayer. Hypocrisy is a very ugly thing.

[hrmjustin]

14. Please explain to me how this could be seen as mocking.

[trotsky]

15. As we've agreed, that depends on the eyes of the beholder, does it not?

I've already stated it doesn't mock my beliefs, but you have admitted that some might find it to be mocking.

[hrmjustin]

16. Well when you find one you let me know.

[trotsky]

17. Don't need to, nor might it be possible.

You have admitted that some may find it to be mocking. Are you changing your mind now?

I'm sorry you don't like the logical corner you just placed yourself into, but there's nothing more to discuss. You have agreed with me that some might find the OP to be mocking.

[hrmjustin]

18. I said it is possible. If they are offended they are devoid of a sense of humor.

[trotsky]

19. Some might say that about something that offends you.

I guess that's just the way it goes then, huh? So are you saying now that mocking beliefs is OK no matter what?

[hrmjustin]

20. Look it is a free country and you can mock any idea or belief you want.

I will defend your right to do it and I will defend anyones right to give you feedback.

If you choose to do it on this site you take your chances with a jury.

[trotsky]

21. Fantastic, I'm glad you agree with me that there is nothing wrong with mocking.

I will welcome your efforts to make sure that mocking is defended!

[hrmjustin]

22. Nice try but that is not what I said.

[trotsky]

23. Not my fault you've gone past a 180, past a 360,

and aren't even sure what you meant anymore.

At least we agreed that cbayer's post could indeed be taken as mocking by some believers, and for her to criticize others for mocking is out-of-turn at best (should really be left to a jury to make that judgment, as you stated) and highly hypocritical at worst.

Take care!

[hrmjustin]

24. Again you say things I did not say.

[trotsky]

25. I'm merely repeating what you have said in this very thread.

Could you point out exactly what I got wrong?

[hrmjustin]

26. I never agreed with you on cbayer.

"At least we agreed that cbayer's post could indeed be taken as mocking by some believers, and for her to criticize others for mocking is out-of-turn at best (should really be left to a jury to make that judgment, as you stated) and highly hypocritical at worst."

I never agreed with you with this. All I said it was possible someone could be offended. I also said they would be devoid of a sense of humor.

Do not include me in your personal war against cbayer please.

[trotsky]

27. Oh, I have no war against anyone.

What I cannot stand is blatant hypocrisy, and I will never stop pointing it out. Especially by those who so eagerly seek to judge and condemn others. I appreciate you confirming my observations. Thanks and have a great evening!

[hrmjustin]

28. I dislike when people say I said things when I clearly did not.

Good night trotsky!

[trotsky]

29. Your words are in this thread for all to see.

I'll let readers be the judge! Good night!

[hrmjustin]

30. Post 23 buddy. I never agreed with what you said about cbayer.

[trotsky]

31. I realize you don't think you did.

That's ok.

[hrmjustin]

32. Good bye trotsky!!!

[trotsky]

33. Good bye! Take care! n/t