I saw this on a church sign today.

[AngryDem001]

It was a Seventh-Day Adventist church.

"To lift your soul, first bend your knees...."

[Manifestor_of_Light]

1. Put people down first. Convince 'em they're worthless. Make 'em afraid of eternal damnation.

Then you can offer them Jesus as the solution to all their problems.

If they had strong enough self-esteem they wouldn't need Jesus and then the preachers wouldn't be able to soak them for money and followers.

[trotsky]

2. Oh c'mon, MoL...

we've been told that THAT kind of Christianity is so RARE it should simply be dismissed, in fact we should be berated for even suggesting it exists!!

[Manifestor_of_Light]

7. Yeah, right. Excuses, excuses.

THEY are the "good liberal Christians" and they aren't like that so we should ignore the sickos that are soul-crushing sadists! Don't mention them!!!

[Arugula Latte]

5. from M.P.'s Meaning of Life:

"O Lord, ooh, You are so big, so absolutely huge. Gosh, we're all really impressed down here, I can tell you. Forgive us, O Lord, for this, our dreadful toadying and bare-faced flattery, but You are so strong, and, well, just so super fantastic. Amen."

[Manifestor_of_Light]

6. Yes, I remember that sketch.

[Curmudgeoness]

8. I thought that was

the beginning of a porno flick when I started to read it.

[AlbertCat]

9. the hymn:

O Lord, please don't burn us.
Don't grill or toast Your flock.
Don't put us on the barbecue
Or simmer us in stock.
Don't braise or bake or boil us
Or stir-fry us in a wok.
Oh, please don't lightly poach us
Or baste us with hot fat.
Don't fricassee or roast us
Or boil us in a vat,
And please don't stick Thy servants, Lord,
In a Rotissomat.

[whatthehey]

3. surely this depends on who's standing in front of you? ;) nt

[Cartoonist]

4. I bend my knees for nobody

Especially for a sadistic, murdering, megalomaniac. I'm talking Old Testament here.
Humankind will never be free until they get off their knees. If one wants to believe in God in order to make sense of the universe, I will allow them that crutch, but stand up and take hold of your own destiny. Nobody asked to be born, so nobody owes God anything.