Things Preachers Do That’d Be Awkward If You Did Them

[yortsed snacilbuper]

[AlbertCat]

1. Preachers??????

I'm SURE this happens just like these scenes all the time (sans the confessional) in these everyday situations.


What! no pederasty?

[trotsky]

6. SNARF

"pederasty"

Yeah, I doubt folks would be circling the wagons in their churches to defend us if we did that!

[BlueJazz]

2. I should be a Preacher. I want some of those big fat Snakes to sling around and talk to.

I could hang the Snakes around my neck (and also have a little recorder/player in my shirt) and make them talk.
"You sssssinnnnerssss are all going to hellllll unlessss you acccccept jesussss"

I could have a great time fucking with my congregation all the time.

"It's time for the offering plate to be passed around...the Snakes like 20 dollar bills and nothing smaller"

[Gelliebeans]

4. That's parselmouth

Harry Potter and Voldemort (I mean Dick Cheney) should give lessons.

[BlueJazz]

5. I was ...ah..."filled with the Herb" when I posted that....or high as a kite.

[Gelliebeans]

7. That's ok I

Was on sniffling sneezing coughing aching knock me on my ass meds and that isn't even my excuse

[onager]

3. Anybody ever seen "Preachers of L.A." on the Oxygen Channel?

Me neither. But the commercials and promo materials tell me all I need to know. Along with reading the comments at places like Black Entertainment Television and the Christian Post. Those commercials usually annoyed me while I was watching "Snapped" or "Killer Couples" on Oxygen.

Reality show, focusing on 6 preachers in the L.A. area. Some preach the "prosperity gospel" and cruise around in Bentleys with an entourage of security guards and Jesus-groupies.

Tagline for the show: "Preachers are only human, just like the rest of us!" Well, yeah, we know that. The problem is that they act like they're more than human when beating us over the head with their Bibles. And only decide they're "just like us" when they get caught diddling the choir leader or robbing the collection plate.

The show is totally hated by T.D. Jakes, the pompous asshat famous for his ministry to women. Because women are too stupid to figure anything out for themselves, obviously. Jakes is probably just jealous that he didn't think of this first.

Having T.D. Jakes criticize your prosperity gospel is like Jeffrey Dahmer criticizing Ted Bundy's seduction techniques:

"Now, I know you been watching that junk on TV. I want to tell you right now, not one dime of what you're sowing right now will buy my suit," he told his congregation recently, according to the EEW magazine. "I want you to know my car is paid for. I want you to know I got my house on my own. I want you to know I'm not bling-blinging. I am not shake and bake. I had money when I came to Dallas and I plan to have some when I leave… I don't need your offering to pay for this little slimy suit. So I rebuke that spirit in the name of Jesus Christ..."

http://www.christianpost.com/news/more-black-pastors-condemn-preachers-of-l-a-show-107008/

[AlbertCat]

8. I want to tell you right now, not one dime of what you're sowing right now will buy my suit,"

Yeah.... but your residence is tax free....