Shopping for a Catholic

[Heddi]

Spending the day shopping for things for my Opus-Dei-Is-Too-Liberal Catholic Father in Law. Always fun times. The man is richer than Scrooge McDuck, can get whatever he wants whenever he wants so I don't ever think he really appreciates the $50 Applebee's Gift Card or $30 to Bass Pro Shops gift cards we generally have gotten him in the past (I dont even think he used the SpaFinder Free Massage card from a few years ago)

So Looking on Amazon for some Catholicalia, especially since he's got this new found faith because of his fear that certain death is just waiting around the corner to steal his mortal soul. Looking at rosaries.

On the "People who bought this item also bought this..." page.

Thought it was funny...

----

In other news, reviews for Rosaries are funny.
"I could feel the evil and temptation being removed from my life every time I fingered the beads."

uh. Okay.

[Warpy]

1. Amazon reviews of anything saccharine, overly religious, or idiotically sex typed

are usually hilarious. Religion takes more of a beating there than it does here!

In the meantime, Catholic tchotchkes for rich masters of the universe who have finally realized that their money won't protect them from death are here: http://www.catholiccompany.com/?aid=117&adpos=1t1&creative=62249031158&device=c&matchtype=e&network=g&gclid=CPWJx9HutMICFaGPMgodsy4AyA

Holy large link, Batman! Still, there's tack-a-rama there enough for anyone and at a very wide range of costs.

[GeorgeGist]

5. Sure to please ...

Seven Lies about Catholic History

- The Inquisition: how it was not a bloodthirsty institution but a merciful (and necessary)one.
- Galileo's trial: why moderns invented a myth around it to make science appear incompatible with the Catholic faith (it s not).
- The Reformation: why the 16th-century Church was not totally corrupt (as even some Catholics wrongly believe), and how the reformers made things worse for everybody.
- and other lies that the world uses to attack and discredit the Faith.

Written in a brisk style that's fun and easy to read, Seven Lies about Catholic History provides the lessons that every Catholic needs in order to defend and explain, not just apologize for, the Church s rich and complex history.

http://www.catholiccompany.com/seven-lies-about-catholic-history-i31603/

[Warpy]

9. I'm sure true believers will appreciate a whitewash of the church's sordid history

but sordid it was.

[frogmarch]

2. Well, the Latex Girdle Body shaper is nice.

Or how about something Christmasy, like a nice bad nativity statue?

http://www.goingjesus.com/

or an Angel of Boobies Knife?



http://www.goingjesus.com/angels/

[AlbertCat]

8. Hmmmmmm...

Same model who did the Land 'o Lakes butter box?









While searching for that image.... i found this!




HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

[frogmarch]

11. Oh, crap,

I think they are the same model. What a letdown. I thought it might have been a real angel for the Angel Boobies knife.

The second one =

[Mr.Bill]

3. Catholic?

I'd go with liquor. You can't lose.

[PumpkinAle]

4. A gift to card to saving a heathen

(in his mind any way) - you could do so much good and he would be smirking away thinking he had "saved a soul".

Or you could just buy the girdle for him to donate to the local diocese.

[AtheistCrusader]

6. Well, they weren't using the beads right, then.

[AlbertCat]

7. There are many lovely things for him on the "gifts for theists" thread

http://www.democraticunderground.com/123031076

[bvf]

10. How about a nice edible rosary (or crucifix)?

http://www.catholicplayground.com/edible-rosary/

http://m.motherjones.com/mojo/2007/03/catholic-league-displeased-edible-nude-crucifix

[onager]

12. Oh, I thought you wanted to BUY a Catholic!

Sorry, too late. But back in the good old days...

In all the ages the Roman Church has owned slaves, bought and sold slaves, authorized and encouraged her children to trade in them. Long after some Christian peoples had freed their slaves the Church still held on to hers.

If any could know, to absolute certainty, that all this was right, and according to God’s will and desire, surely it was she, since she was God’s specially appointed representative in the earth and sole authorized and infallible expounder of his Bible. There were the texts; there was no mistaking their meaning; she was right, she was doing in this thing what the Bible had mapped out for her to do. So unassailable was her position that in all the centuries she had no word to say against human slavery.

Yet now at last, in our immediate day, we hear a Pope saying slave trading is wrong, and we see him sending an expedition to Africa to stop it. The texts remain: it is the practice that has changed. Why? Because the world has corrected the Bible. The Church never corrects it; and also never fails to drop in at the tail of the procession - and take the credit of the correction. As she will presently do in this instance. - Mark Twain

http://www.ratbags.com/rsoles/comment/twain01.htm

[onager]

13. Here you go! "15 Xmas Gift Ideas..."

"...For Your Husband." Probably applicable to a father-in-law, though.

Compiled by the woman who runs the "Unveiled Wife" website, and your FIL would probably love this from her website. Maybe you can turn it into a sampler for him or something:

My Statement of Faith
•I believe the Bible is the inspired Word of God and is authoritative and infallible in the original writings.
•I believe in one God, eternally existent in three persons: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.
•I believe in the deity of our Lord Jesus Christ, in His virgin birth, in His sinless life, in His miracles, in His vicarious and atoning death through His shed blood, in His bodily resurrection, in His ascension to the right hand of God the Father, and in His personal return in power and glory.
•I believe that faith in our Lord Jesus Christ is essential for the salvation of lost and sinful people.
•I believe in the present ministry of the Holy Spirit, by whose indwelling the Christian is enabled to live a godly life.
•I believe in the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body, and eternal life.
•I believe in the spiritual unity of believers in Jesus Christ.

Except...and I don't know how to say this politely...when it comes to picking Xmas gifts, the Unveiled Wife really sucks. Which may be included in #15 on her list:

15. 7 Days of Sex Challenge - Lastly, consider this gift inviting your husband to a 7 day sex challenge to spice up your intimacy!

If you need that book, your husband may already be spicing up his intimacy. Just not with you.

As for her other suggestions...these are awful gifts for ANYBODY, let alone a spouse. A beef jerky basket? A can of man-soap and related crap? A fucking WALLET!?!

These are the kind of gifts you stop off at Rite-Aid and buy at the last minute, on your way to the family Xmas party. Because you hate your relatives and never know what to get them, since dueling pistols are out of style/illegal.

A few of Unveiled Wife's suggestions with my comments:

1. Leather Wallet



2. Shotgun Shell Thermos - If your husband is a gun enthusiast he may value a simple, usable gift reflecting something he already loves. This shotgun shell thermos is stainless steel and great for on the go drinks.

If he's the right kind of gun enthusiast, he might also appreciate Item #11, the "I Love My Wife" black hoodie. Especially if he lives in Florida. But you might want to be careful if he suggests you wear it to take out the trash. On a dark, rainy night...

13. Felt + Leather MacBook Case AND 14. Leather Hard MacBook Case

What would Jesus carry? And is this woman getting a kickback from Apple?

10. 100 Ways To Love Your Wife - This book was written by Matthew L. Jacobson, a close friend of mine, and it could help your husband think about your marriage relationship in a new way. There is also one for you written by Matthew’s wife Lisa!

Nothing like a little Xmas log-rolling...

http://unveiledwife.com/christmas-gift-ideas-for-your-husband/

[mr blur]

14. I believe you can get some bargains if you shop around.

They go wrong really easily, but you can get them forgiven quite cheaply.