What's more ridiculous, an atheist church of bacon lovers

[beam me up scottie]

or a virgin dinosaur in a prom dress telling us that sex is immoral unless we do it according to these directions?

2. What determines the morality of a sexual act?

A sexual act is any deliberate use of the genital sexual faculty.

Sexual acts are not exempt from the moral law. To be moral, each and every knowingly chosen sexual act must have three good fonts of morality. The intention must be good, the moral object must be good, and the good consequences must outweigh any bad consequences.

In order to have a good moral object, each and every sexual act must be marital and unitive and procreative. Each and every moral sexual act always has these three meanings: marital, unitive, procreative. The deprivation of any one or more of these meanings from the moral object causes the sexual act to be intrinsically evil and always gravely immoral.

The natural sexual act is genital-to-genital intercourse between a man and a woman. This act is unitive and procreative. Natural sexual intercourse between a husband and wife is called natural marital relations. Only natural marital relations is martial and unitive and procreative.

The use of contraception deprives the act of natural intercourse of the procreative meaning, causing the sexual act to be non-procreative. The use of contraception is intrinsically evil and always gravely immoral because it deprives sexual relations of its procreative meaning, which is required by God for sexual acts to be moral. Therefore, natural marital relations must always be open to life (not contracepted).

A non-marital sexual act is any type of sexual act outside of marriage. Acts of adultery, pre-marital sex, and masturbation are non-marital. All non-marital sexual acts are intrinsically evil and always gravely immoral because these acts lack the marital meaning, which is required by God for sexual acts to be moral.

An unnatural sexual act is any type of sexual act that is not unitive and procreative. Examples of unnatural sexual acts include oral sexual acts, anal sexual acts, and manipulative sexual acts (i.e. masturbation of self or of another). All unnatural sexual acts are intrinsically evil and always gravely immoral because these acts lack the unitive and procreative meanings, which are required by God for sexual acts to be moral. These acts are not procreative because they are not the type of act that is inherently directed at procreation. These acts are not truly unitive, even if there is a certain mere physical union of body parts, because this is not the type of sexual union intended by God for human persons. Unnatural sexual acts are not justified by being done within marriage because the moral law requires each and every sexual act to be not only marital, but also unitive and procreative.

To be moral, each and every sexual act must be marital and unitive and procreative. All non-marital sexual acts, all non-unitive sexual acts, and all non-procreative sexual acts are intrinsically evil and always gravely immoral. All such acts have an evil moral object, and so they are not justified by intention, or by circumstances, or by other acts.

Yeah, I know, no sex threads...sorry.

[BlueJazz]

1. I've always rather liked the ...ah..."Funny Feeling"

[beam me up scottie]

8. You're a bad person!

[Manifestor_of_Light]

2. Fetishizing a piece of paper, as always.

A fetish is a sacred object or an object considered to have special powers, like a lucky charm.

These people think that a marriage certificate will make sex okay, will make the spouse love you, respect you, and all that. It will not do any of those things, as those are indicated by the behavior of the respective spouses.

Also they are fetishizing the lack of contraception.

And as far as....well, why are our arms long enough???

Blather, blather, blather.

......yawn........

[beam me up scottie]

9. As someone who was raised without religion

my safari into the twisted recesses of their minds gets more and more bizarre every day.

These people are far more perverse than any lover I've ever known.

[trotsky]

3. An atheist church of bacon lovers? Sign me up!

No worries though, we are told quite authoritatively that the type of Christian who believes something along the lines of what you quoted there is EXCEEDINGLY rare and that most believers are extremely liberal and think of their god as a concept, not a person who will strike them down for eating the wrong food or sticking their diddly-widdly in the wrong hoo-hah.

Oh and they would all vote for Democrats too, if it weren't for us lousy atheists posting our negative opinions of religion on an Internet message board!

[beam me up scottie]

10. Damn you trotsky!

Go on, keep alienating Democrats, but you do so at your own peril!

I think we ought to stop saying "Thanks, Obama" in this group.

Let's use "Thanks, atheists" instead.

Or "Thanks, trotsky".

[Rob H.]

4. "Say 'unitive and procreative' again!

I dare you! I double-dare you, motherfucker! Say 'unitive and procreative' one more goddamn time!"



I'm guessing since priests can't have sex they don't want those of us who can to enjoy it even a little bit without feeling incredibly guilty and ashamed.

[beam me up scottie]

11. LMAO!

And why would anyone think that those wrinkled virginal prudes are qualified to counsel people about sex?

Ew.

[AlbertCat]

5. use of the genital sexual faculty.

&spfreload=10

[AlbertCat]

6. How to woo a potential partner:

Just say:

"Sexual acts are not exempt from the moral law. To be moral, each and every knowingly chosen sexual act must have three good fonts of morality. The intention must be good, the moral object must be good, and the good consequences must outweigh any bad consequences.

In order to have a good moral object, each and every sexual act must be marital and unitive and procreative. Each and every moral sexual act always has these three meanings: marital, unitive, procreative. The deprivation of any one or more of these meanings from the moral object causes the sexual act to be intrinsically evil and always gravely immoral. "

works every time!


What's that line from the film "Beetlejuice"?

"This reads like stereo instructions...."

[beam me up scottie]

12. It sure gives me a funny feeling.

I think it's called nausea.

My takeaway: if you're really enjoying yourself you're probably doing it wrong.

Or Doing Wrong.

[Warren Stupidity]

7. Obviously this is not a serious religion.

Serious religions have profound beliefs, beliefs such as a cracker magically turns into the body of a god-man as it enters your mouth. Stop with the clownish behavior already.

[beam me up scottie]

13. And exorcisms!

How can an atheist church be taken seriously if it doesn't have a way to drive demons out of its followers?

Or, wait, I forgot - they don't believe in that stuff anymore.

The church is down with science now.

[Curmudgeoness]

14. Can our Atheist Church of Bacon Lovers allow sex for the fun of it?

I'm not talking about sex with bacon, you sickos. Don't take that "bacon love" so literally.

[beam me up scottie]

15. Our love of porking has nothing to do with loving pork.

The two things are completely separate.

And yes, if we start our own church we can make our own rules.

[Curmudgeoness]

16. LOL.

That's good, because I feel so guilt-ridden and dirty that every single sex act that I have ever performed has been intrinsically evil and always gravely immoral.

The whole point of birth control was to avoid procreation.

[beam me up scottie]

17. But women should suffer the consequences of their immoral actions.

Pregnancy, disease, death, it's what we deserve.

[onager]

18. Currently playing at the local Baptist church...

Down here in East Jesus-stan. Local Baptist church sent out a letter announcing it would not perform gay marriage ceremonies. Not that anybody had ASKED for that or anything. So I guess that was just a pre-emptive strike, to make sure Cletus and Bubba know ahead of time they won't be getting hitched in this particular Spookery.

Then the letter got a lot more intertesting, and listed a whole bunch of Moral Failures that can get church employees terminated: drinking alcohol (my Mom said, "They'll have to fire all the Deacons, then.&quot Co-habiting outside of marriage. On and on and on.

The whole thing was sort of weird, so I asked my mother to translate.

Short version: some women at the church have held baby showers for UNWED!1! pregnant women, which apparently pissed off some of the more Righteous and Blessed.

Being an ignorant male, I always thought the point of a baby shower was to make sure the new baby had stuff like clothes and diapers. Not necessarily to reward that Brazen Hussy, the baby's mom.

I had some fun with the line in the letter: "We abide strictly by the moral laws of the Bible..."

Told my Mom: "They're already in trouble, since the Bible contradicts itself all over the place."

She just gave me a dirty look. As usual.

[beam me up scottie]

20. They sure do fantasize about being persecuted.

Yes, thumpers, teh evul gayz are going to force you to marry them.

And it'll be good for the pregnant hussy to go without, that's what God wants: Punishment


How is your mom? I'm sure she's glad to have you back, even if you are a heathen.

[onager]

22. She's mean as ever, thanks for asking!

Hopefully my house hunt is almost over and I won't be right underfoot bugging her much longer.

It's been a busy year. Sold place in Los Angeles, had to find a place here. Found a great house that's been on the market for THREE YEARS. Asked the realtor if it was built on an ancient burial ground or something. (Which wouldn't matter to an Evil Atheist, of course!) Turned out to be a nasty divorce. Involving a couple in their 80's. WTF? Seems like they could have hung on a little longer and, uh, let Nature take its course...

Latest hot gossip in these parts: at the local high school, two boys got caught making love in the locker room. Giant shitstorm. I think some parents want the school closed, afraid their kids will Catch Teh Gay.

So far all I've heard is rumors. But South Carolina is already marked for Gawd's destruction because of Chase Culpepper - the transgender teen who just sued the state DMV and WON! (For the right to have the driver license picture taken wearing makeup etc.)

[beam me up scottie]

23. I'm glad to hear it.

Funny how fast we sink back into the local drama when we move home.

When I returned to Vermont they had just discovered a group of junior high girls who made a pact to get pregnant. I was 11 years old in 7th grade, can you imagine?

If you remember, getting knocked up was the WORST thing that could happen to us when we were teens, and these little idiots were making a game out of it???

Before you buy your house, maybe you should have a priest come over and check the place for demons, it's good to know if you have any pest problems.

Good for Chase! You should post that story as an OP!

[nil desperandum]

19. Well

clearly this stuff is far more ridiculous because well, this:

8. Are divorced Catholics permitted to receive holy Communion?

A divorced Catholic who is not remarried can usually receive holy Communion. Divorce is not intrinsically evil, and so it is not necessarily a sin. But divorce can sometimes be a serious sin, depending on the intention and the circumstances. A divorced Catholic should consult with his pastor or his confessor about whether or not he has sinned by getting a divorce.

Divorced and remarried Catholics are not allowed to receive Communion because they are having sexual relations with a person to whom they are not married in the eyes of God and the Church. If the prior marriage was the true Sacrament of Marriage, then the divorce cannot break the bond of the Sacrament. The couple remains married to each other in the eyes of God and the Church. So when that person remarries, he or she is having sexual relations outside of a valid marriage.

Divorced and remarried Catholics can sometimes obtain an annulment, if the previous marriage was, for some reason, not the true Sacrament. Another option is for them to cease from sexual relations, but stay together for the sake of the children. A third option is for them to separate. After any of these three options, with confession and permission from the Church, they may resume receiving holy Communion.

If you're divorced no more jesus cookies for you because you can't stop being married if the church married you and while living in sin with a partner who actually treats you like a human you and your god aren't connected anymore...but if you make a sizable donation to the rectory fund the church will be happy to annul your first marriage thus apparently allowing some man, just not your ex to actually break the sacred godly union....

You just can't make this stuff up...and some poor fool is now all broken up over this stupidity...

[beam me up scottie]

21. It's amazing, isn't it?

Thousands of years to come up with rules about ethical sexual behaviour and that's what they focus on.

While institutionalized child sexual abuse is overlooked.


"You just can't make this stuff up"

amen.