What do you think of this?

[Bertha Venation]

I'm a member of the Maryland Choral Society, a wonderfully talented chorus. It humbles me to think that I passed an audition and was accepted into this group.

It seems to be assumed that everyone in this group sings in a church choir and is a Christian. The president of the chorus is a Baptist pastor. I'm an atheist.

I can deal with this. I can sing sacred texts and standard religious carols and such. I see myself as an actor when I do this. The words mean nothing to me.

I'm facing something unique in my life. I'm somewhat apprehensive about coming out as an atheist. I wouldn't make an announcement, but I would come out in one-on-one conversation. I have already been asked twice what church I sing with. I just said "none right now" once and "this is my only group right now" to the other.

It is not important to me to flatly set the record straight. I don't have any notions that I must be true to myself, to be out fully so that I can sleep at night.

I just don't like dodging questions, and am apprehensive about how/when to answer fully.

Your thoughts?

Oh - just got an email from the president. A member's toddler grandson died today, and he's asked us to remember the family in prayer. This is an email to a secular chorus.

Cross-posted from the Lounge

[Warren Stupidity]

1. Coming out atheist is an individual choice.

Last edited Wed May 13, 2015, 01:01 PM - Edit history (1)

There may very well be repercussions. I personally would modify the response "none right now" to something like "I just love the music" and let the person you are responding to puzzle that out.

That said, the more people around us learn that their friends and neighbors also think that religion is ridiculous bullshit (with good music!) the sooner the veil of ignorance will lift. So I also view it as my moral responsibility to not hide my non-belief.

The religious assume everyone is a believer, thus the president is ignorant that he is asking people who may not share his belief in prayer to do something that they cannot do. But I would leave that alone.

[Brainstormy]

2. You'll know

The time will likely come when the authenticity of a particular relationship, or many relationships, will become too important. You'll even risk losing a connection rather than maintaining it in a way that feels false. And oh, you WILL lose a few. That said, I'd caution you about risking something you care about a lot right now--like singing in this wonderful chorus, over something you're indifferent to. I'm asked about a hundred times a week in social media by distant "friends" to pray for someone. It's simply not worth it to start something to make a point. You no more have to respond to every request for prayer than you do every solicitation for money.

[Lordquinton]

8. It's like those game invites you get from friends on Facebook

they are annoying, but you can just ignore them.

Or you can make a statement that for every prayer request you will send out on/e game invite

[mr blur]

3. It's not easy for me to advise you because being an atheist here (UK) isn't a big deal

and I can't imagine anybody caring. Can I ask, what might happen if you were to reply, "I don't sing with a church, I don't believe in God."

I mean it is Maryland Choral Society and not Maryland Christian Choral Society after all. It isn't as if you've misled anyone in order to be accepted into the group.

[Bertha Venation]

5. mr blur, I think what might happen

is that I might be viewed as untrustworthy. Perhaps that person will shun me from then on. The word might spread.

Oh, who knows? I can handle being ostracized, but it is unpleasant.

I certainly have not misled anyone. Wait - except maybe my voice teacher, who isn't affiliated with MCS. He asked me what church I sing at, and I said simply "none." He invited me to sing with him at his church, where he is the music director. I couldn't think of anything to say but "thank you."

Maybe I should ask some Christians here on DU what they think of atheists.

[progressoid]

4. Hmm, that's a tough one.

While it's temping to get the truth out there, for the sake of harmony (pun intended), I kind of like "I'm here for the music". It would be unfortunate to have the experience ruined by judgmental glares and whispers. It's hard to get people to understand how we can enjoy something without believing in the myth behind it.

However, I wouldn't be surprised if there are other atheists, or at least agnostics, in the chorus. I recently heard about a cantor at a catholic church who is a former Mormon - now agnostic. He just like singing and they paid him a few bucks to do it. He did it for a few years. Now he's back in school getting his PhD. Perhaps you'll find some others who also just sing for the beauty of the music.

[RussBLib]

6. I would come out

...with a comment like, "I'm just one of the 22% of Americans who are religiously un-affiliated, but I love the music."

This figure is according to a recent Pew poll.

Otherwise you will probably have to practice deceit, which is hard to do when you have to start remembering who you told what to.

[Curmudgeoness]

7. Great comments from everyone

so I can't add much. You have to do what you think is best for you. If you are really happy doing this, and believe that being an atheist would cause problems, just don't come out. I will say that I have never had any real life problems with letting people know that I am an atheist, but I also do not have a strong tie to something that may appear to attract religious people.

I also agree that the more of us who come out to people who know us already, the more they will learn to accept atheists. But that is not an easy first step to take and you do have to weigh the consequences to you. As to your responses to the question of which church you sing at, I would leave out the "right now", which I think really is deceptive because it makes them assume that it is temporary. "This is my only group" should be good enough and it is not deceptive at all.

As to the asking for prayers, I just deal with that.....I get it daily on Facebook. I just figure that these people know of no other way to express sorrow or face life's problems. It is not worth it to bristle at it. All religious people just assume that everyone they know and like must be religious. And I guarantee that if they know you are an atheist, they will still use that expression.

[beam me up scottie]

9. As long as you are comfortable in the closet there's no reason to come out.

It was easy for me when I lived in Vermont - no one I knew talked about their personal beliefs (it would have been like farting in public).

But coming out in the bible belt can cost you you personally and professionally. One has to consider whether it's worth risking everything to take a stand against bigots.

I choose my battles carefully and so should you. Some just aren't worth it.

Hope that helps.

[AlbertCat]

10. It's none of their business.

be polite.... and REALLY vague. That will keep them guessing.