Bereavement
Related: About this forumMy 41-year-old nephew died suddenly yesterday.
Tom was a firefighter and paramedic in a Chicago suburb. He had been married for 14 years and had a 13-year-old son, as well as four grown stepchildren.
He had some sort of fall at home, I still don't know the details. But he hit his head on something and had a big gash from it. His wife tried to get him to go to the ER, but he refused. That happened on Thursday.
Yesterday, he collapsed at home. His wife called the ambulance. His heart stopped while the paramedics were there, but they brought him back. At the hospital, a trauma surgeon determined that it was a massive TBI and that he'd suffered a serious brain bleed and he wouldn't survive.
His wife, son, parents and one of his two sisters were with him when they shut off whatever life supports they had put him on. The mayor of the town he worked for, his fire chief and many of his fellow firefighters also were on hand. The support was amazing.
This is devastating because it was so unexpected and so fast. He had survived cancer 13 years ago with no recurrence. He was strong, he was healthy, he had years ahead of him.
I last saw him three weeks ago tonight. We talked about the future. Now he has none. Thanks for listening.
DUgosh
(3,144 posts)For your tremendous loss
greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)spooky3
(39,068 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)Irish_Dem
(82,786 posts)What a tragedy for everyone.
Hugs to you.
greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)MontanaMama
(24,787 posts)This is just awful. I am so very sorry, gaot.
greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)He was way too young.
CottonBear
(21,615 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)Rorey
(8,515 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)AJT
(5,240 posts)A sudden death is shocking and hard to wrap your head around. I lost my husband suddenly and I am still lost after 3 years. For his son to lose his male role model during his early teens is devastating. It is a comfort that the family has a support system. Again, I am so sorry for your families pain.
greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)Please accept my condolences for the loss of your husband.
Equomba
(197 posts)My wife and I often talk about how we are just one step away from getting hit by the proverbial bus, i.e. who knows what the next day will bring. I have a 36 year old nephew, married with an absolutely incredible daughter... he could be in the running for father of the year. I can't imagine how I would react to such a death, especially when it appears to be a freak accident.
My thoughts are with you.
greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)My nephew and his son adored each other. The sun rose and set for them. He's inconsolable right now.
Kali
(57,024 posts)I am so sorry!
greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)sprinkleeninow
(22,538 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)Cha
(321,840 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)niyad
(135,905 posts)you and your family.
greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)Solly Mack
(97,568 posts)Unexpected loss can knock us off kilter. It hits hard.
greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)Thanks.
cayugafalls
(5,992 posts)May you and his family find peace.
cf...
greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)I appreciate your kind words.
AwakeAtLast
(14,315 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)Wounded Bear
(64,963 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)I have to wonder if his refusal to get what he needed wasn't caused in part by the head injury itself.
Wounded Bear
(64,963 posts)the kind that says 'rub a little dirt on it and get back in the game.'
This is a sad story, especially for all involved who have been left behind.
greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)Plus, like the rest of us, he was stubborn.
kairos12
(13,875 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)It's hit us all hard.
Desert grandma
(1,082 posts)So very sorry for your family's loss. May you find comfort in your love and support of one another.
greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)Thanks for your kind words.
Demobrat
(10,314 posts)Shocking and heartbreaking for everyone, but adults have had time to learn that terrible things can and do happen. A childhood shouldnt have to end that way.
So sorry.
greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)He has two much older half brothers, but both live in California. But it'll never be the same.
My nephew was 12 years younger than his wife, so the ages are a bit weird. Thanks.
skylucy
(4,037 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)SheltieLover
(83,160 posts)So saddened to learn of your tragic loss.
Healing vibes on the way to you & your family. 💓💓💓
greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)It doesn't quite seem real yet.
SheltieLover
(83,160 posts)And that might be a good thing. Jury is still out on that here, years later.
My heart just aches for you & your family, especially his son.
Please remember to eat, sleep, and do some deep breathing to stay centered.
I'm here if you want to chat.
cate94
(3,140 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)applegrove
(134,155 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)secondwind
(16,903 posts)wife, you, the entire family
. Wow, life is so fleeting
You will all be in my prayers
greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)And so sudden.
soldierant
(9,372 posts)which carry within themselves as symptoms the resistance to treatment.
They almost seem diabolocal. I hope his widow is not blaming herself for caling an ambulance at the time of the initial injury. She couldn't hve known.
SheltieLover
(83,160 posts)Thank you for bringing this up!
His wife did the best she could at the timd with the information she had.
This will go a long way towards avoiding survivor's guilt.
Ty!
greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)But he kept insisting that he would be fine. When the time is right, I'll suggest grief counseling. Thanks.
SheltieLover
(83,160 posts)Yw
soldierant
(9,372 posts)My 76-year life has been affected many times by people with one or the other of these conditions. They break my heart.
And I am reminded of anti-vaxxers - who, unless you believe their disease is mass psychosis (and it might be) don't have that excuse. But I really don't know what to think of them - except that they are dangerous to those round them.
SheltieLover
(83,160 posts)It is heart breaking for sure. 😢
greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)I think that we'll all tell her that she shouldn't feel like she did wrong. He told her that he'd refuse to go.
SheltieLover
(83,160 posts)It's important for him to grasp that mom made every effort, too.
greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)He could have been at school.
SheltieLover
(83,160 posts)💔
greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)relayerbob
(7,464 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)We're all wrecks right now.
vercetti2021
(10,481 posts)Sounds like one hell of a man
greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)Thanks.
murielm99
(33,185 posts)What a sudden blow for all of you. No wonder you are in a state of unbelief.
greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)MustLoveBeagles
(18,712 posts)It must have been such a shock.
greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)PoindexterOglethorpe
(28,493 posts)This is beyond sad
Right now my older brother, who is 78 years old, is in hospital with a raging infection. He was supposed to have surgery this morning, removing some masses on a kidney that are probably cancer. At least my brother has lived several decades longer than your nephew.
Such things are devastating.
greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)I hope that they can get the infection under control. Thanks for your kindness. Devastating is the right description.
PoindexterOglethorpe
(28,493 posts)She worked for about 25 years as a compliance auditor, meaning she read medical charts to determine if doctors had made the correct diagnoses or inputs of various procedures. As a consequence, she has a very vast knowledge of medical stuff, even if she is not a doctor herself.
78 is getting up there, but not so old these days.
I am one of six children. So far, a sister died in 2017 at age 70. A brother died at the end of December last year, age 71. I know that in the normal course of events we will all pass on, but honestly, it's a bit strange to be losing my brothers and sisters.
Hugs to you.
greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)But when it's the younger generation, it's hard to take.
Hugs to you.
Granny M
(1,398 posts)Deepest sympathy to you all.
greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)GPV
(73,522 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)livetohike
(24,535 posts)sympathy to you and the family. May the love and support of family and friends comfort you and May the memories of your nephew and the stories you will all tell keep him alive in your heart
.
greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)sinkingfeeling
(58,381 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)brer cat
(27,803 posts)It is tragic to lose someone so young.
greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)Thanks.
sheshe2
(99,296 posts)My heart goes out to you and yours.
greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)It's still unreal.
Ilsa
(64,843 posts)Noted to remember: Head trauma should always be checked out for bleeds, shifting mass, etc.
greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)Thanks for the wishes.
George II
(67,782 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)CentralMass
(16,997 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)IbogaProject
(6,216 posts)Condolences to you and your family.
greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)Hortensis
(58,785 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)LetMyPeopleVote
(184,867 posts)Your nephew's family will be in my prayers
greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)Upthevibe
(10,298 posts)I am so very sorry....
greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)JohnSJ
(98,883 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)onecaliberal
(36,594 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)femmedem
(8,567 posts)I'm so sorry for you and your family's loss. It must feel surreal. Devastating but surreal.
greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)Thanks very much.
Goddessartist
(2,176 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)mcar
(46,742 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)BumRushDaShow
(174,378 posts)Just seeing this. So sorry to hear this and it is so tragic. Am sending my condolences to his family.
greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)The fact it was so sudden makes it harder to deal with. And he was so young.
marble falls
(73,741 posts)... for your family.
I also hope your foot is better. We don't run into to each other much lately, but I do think of you!
greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)Just saw that the wake is on Thursday, which is also the triplets' 21st birthday. And seven hours of it! That's probably because of the firefighter angle.
The foot is much better, thanks. I hope that you're doing better as well. I think of you as well. Maybe we'll both be back in MIRT soon.
marble falls
(73,741 posts)malaise
(300,158 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)This is so hard to process.
malaise
(300,158 posts)It was sudden and he's young - those are the hardest ones to process
greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)CaptainTruth
(8,342 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)sueh
(1,980 posts)sudden tragedy. I'm sending healing vibes to you and your family. (((hugs)))
greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)wryter2000
(47,940 posts)What a horrible loss for your family and his.
greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)It's still hard to believe.
calimary
(91,731 posts)So sad to hear.
Thank you for sharing this with us. I hope you know that lots of us here are sharing your grief. What with COVID and the advancing years, almost every one of us has been touched by sorrow and loss. So we can empathize as well as sympathize. You won't be mourning alone.
greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)LoisB
(13,830 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)dlk
(13,527 posts)Sending wishes for comfort and peace for you and your family.
greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)dlk
(13,527 posts)My heart goes out to you and your family.
mahina
(20,924 posts)To hold this.
Thank you for telling us about him.
Ill be thinking of you all, and him. Aloha.
greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)He was lucky enough to be stationed in Hawaii during his Army years. Loved it there.
babylonsister
(172,820 posts)greatauntoftriplets.
greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)live love laugh
(16,594 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)yardwork
(70,305 posts)A friend of mine died the same way. He hit his head and didn't think anything of it. A few days later he died suddenly. It turned out to be internal bleeding in his brain.
I'm so very sorry for your loss.
greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)I'm sorry about your friend. The moral of the story is don't screw around with head injuries.
yardwork
(70,305 posts)I hope you're doing well overall.
greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)I'm hanging in there. Thanks.
UpInArms
(55,739 posts)((((((((HUGS)))))))
greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)Doodley
(12,184 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)Thanks very much.
Susan Calvin
(2,493 posts)I was going to say a bunch more about me, and how I relate to this, but that's not what you need right now. I am just so sorry.
greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)If you've been through this, you know how hard it is.
SpankMe
(3,834 posts)Wife, kid, step-kids...it's a big loss.
People must not defer treatment for potential brain injury.
Bless you and bless the family.
greatauntoftriplets
(179,740 posts)He was a paramedic, he should have known.