I don't know what's happening to me.

[cilla4progress]

and I dont really like it, or am not entirely comfortable with it, or am confounded by it -

but I'm getting SO particular (even negative?) about people I want to hang out with?

I've always valued keeping an open mind - the world would be terribly boring if we all liked and cared about the same things - I've always liked hanging out with diverse people -

but I feel like I'm seeing a lot of hypocrisy, narcissism, superficiality.

Maybe I'm just hanging out with the wrong people. Maybe it's me - heat stress and climate future anxiety. This does not bode well for my transition to middle old age.

Fortunately, I'm going to visit my daughter in her progressive college town next week, where we will be going to a BRANDI CARLILE CONCERT on July 4th. Maybe I'll find kindred souls there?

[agingdem]

1. could be a the covid year-long "lockdown"...

lot of time alone..lots of time to ponder who is a real friend and who is nothing more than an acquaintance...I think the pandemic has us questioning who and what is important in our lives...who we let in and who we turn away...one of the few "good things" coming out of this Alice through the looking glass reality...

[cilla4progress]

3. Thanks for your thoughts,

agingdem.

Maybe I'm just in a funk.

[secondwind]

2. You have DU. I get a lot of comfort from this Page.

Enjoy your visit with your daughter, that should cheer you up!

[cilla4progress]

4. I do, too!

Thanks!

[flying_wahini]

5. I know how you feel. Sometimes I don't like what friends say or do....

Then I remember that sometimes I do and say things I don’t like, too.

Sometimes I just have to hang with a different group of friends to get some space.

[ShazamIam]

6. I am a loner who also loves people and I seem to dodge people I find expressing beliefs and opinions

I strongly disagree with, mostly being prone to negativity and critical comments about others, then have to accuse myself of the same thing. But I just don't want to be around people who casually drop bombs into a conversation, and yes this is regarding equality and acceptance. I accept they disagree with me, and I just don't want to keep turning off my hearing when with them.

[sprinkleeninow]

7. Mostly nice caring neighbors till they get a tad weird.

Circle of friends not contacting me as 'expected'.

I don't mind being 'alone but this is troubling me.

It's gotta be this ugly virus that was dumped on us all.

There's nothing wrong with 'discernment' in your choices of anything or anyone.

Stay with those who lift you up, edify, who share wisdom.

Peace be to you. ♥️

[doc03]

9. I don't want to be around people even more than usual.

Most everyone around here is a Trumpster. That wouldn't be so bad but whenever politics is brought up 99 times out of a 100 it is always the Trumpsters. It just pisses me off because they always want to start an argument but facts don't matter anymore. You could show them Trump quotes they deny he said it. You could show them charts and statistics they say they are all from Democrats. You could show them a video or picture of Trump and it is photoshopped or fake. So I just avoid most contact. Someone could make a post on Facebook about bicycles
and somehow a Republican will make a stupid political remark.

[Midnight Writer]

11. Yep. I used to enjoy some lively give-and-take debates with conservatives.

Now it is like dealing with fanatical lunatics who have no concept of reality.

Plus, they get angry.

Very angry.

[doc03]

12. Yep if disagree you anti American. nt

[littlemissmartypants]

10. Stay encouraged. ❤ nt

[Warpy]

13. It starts to get harder to zip up your human suit and pretend to be social

once you hit your 40s, whether you're a garden variety introvert or you've got a toe dipped into the autism spectrum, and for a lot of women, that's a really close call. In either case, our 40s are when we start to hit that wall of exhaustion, we're just sick of pretending to be people we're not.

A lot of people have gotten really wigged out by a year of fear and isolation, and that's another part of the problem. Even the social butterflies have forgotten how to do normal for them. Things are going to stay stressful and weird for a while yet.

I'd say if you need more isolation to recharge your batteries these days, take it. It will take a long time to get back to normal, whatever that is, and some of us are not going to want to get there, at all.

[Mickju]

14. I prefer to hangout with myself.

[Quakerfriend]

15. What you're describing happened to me gradually as I got older

Last edited Sun Jun 27, 2021, 09:50 PM - Edit history (1)

At first, I felt badly about it. But, eventually I have come to accept that some people can be very draining + it’s just not fun to be around them.

I am in my early 60s+ I went to a gathering recently where most of those there were 75-85.
I had a marvelous time! I think it was because everyone was very pleasant and polite &
Wonderful, witty stories were shared by all- Is this because they’re somewhat older and, therefore have better manners??

People have become so rude- Always interrupting others and talking over one another just to hear themselves talk! Then there are mothers waiting for the opportunity to brag about their children but, never asking about other’s kids in a genuinely caring way OR complimenting others.
And, this seems to be par for the course even at small family gatherings- with my 5 sisters 😩.
My husband and I have come to find it all a bit taxing.

You are not alone cilla ! - Hope u have a wonderful time with your daughter 🤗

[Dreampuff]

16. Have a wonderful time at the concert and with your daughter!

It is probably nothing to be concerned about. I used to care a lot about what people thought of me and I didn't want to be unkind or hurtful and there were times I wasn't treated the same in return. I spent a lot of time with people when I would have felt better just being alone. I've learned it just isn't worth it anymore. I still have a few close acquaintances, but there comes a time when we have to weed out those who make our lives tense. I actually avoid racist people, homophobic people, judgemental people, and Trump lovers. Life is short and they just aren't worth my time. Middle 60s here.

[MyMission]

17. It's a different world than it was 18 months ago

I think many people everywhere are more particular about who they hang with, for many reasons.
Covid, politics, covid politics, and awareness that how each person handled this time (pandemic, election, insurrection) is a reflection of their personalities, quirks, insecurities, exhaustion, etc.

While many people couldn't wait to remove their masks and start socializing after the vax, many others realized socializing isn't that important, that we've managed and survived and reevaluated.
Going out to eat has turned into a treat like it used to be, rather than a weekly or monthly thing.
Going out for the sake of going out is not happening for me.

My town has resumed various free summer concerts. The first big monthly one was last week. I thought I'd go, but decided I didn't want to be around a large crowd, even outdoors. I also opted out of the weekly Friday music downtown. For years I used to go for a short time, always by myself, to say I'd been there, to see and be seen. I'd leave after I ran into someone I knew, so I wasn't anonymous.

As a loner by nature, I feel less need to socialize. And I've continued working in retail so I've had contact with others, coworkers and customers. I'm not totally isolated.

And as others mentioned, there is a natural attrition of friendships as we age. What and who we accept or tolerate or spend time with when we're younger changes as we age, and we adjust accordingly. We meet new people, make new friendships, and even reconnect with friends from our childhood and younger days. You have kindred souls here at DU.

Hope you enjoy the concert and your daughter.

[cilla4progress]

18. Thanks.

I saw this yesterday.

Link to tweet

?s=19