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Sat Jul 16, 2022, 06:02 AM

Why I Am A Loner

I learned from a very early age (2+ years) that I couldn't depend upon my parents. My father had a busy medical practice. My mother was overwhelmed with being a doctor's wife, a mother with another infant, and the housekeeper of a 14 room house.

I couldn't depend upon my teachers. In nursery school, my "teachers" allowed my fellow toddlers to hurl wooden blocks at me and at each other. In Kindergarten, my teacher kept floating theories why I should be left back for another year. My first grade teacher had a temper and shook me until my teeth rattled.

I couldn't depend upon my classmates. They were relatively silly, opting to change themselves to be popular and this was way before high school. And in high school, I was independent and didn't fit into the 3-4 cliques.

Immediately after graduating college, I backpacked through the UK and Europe, by myself of course. 13 weeks. I met people and had more flexibility where I wanted to go when I was solo.

When I had graduated college and graduate schools, I found employment but I also found I was smarter than my employers -- and they didn't like that.

I like being independent, autonomous. I am alone and like it that way. I am in no way lonely. Sometimes, I merely tolerate the company of others.

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Arrow 18 replies Author Time Post
Reply Why I Am A Loner (Original post)
no_hypocrisy Jul 2022 OP
secondwind Jul 2022 #1
no_hypocrisy Jul 2022 #4
secondwind Jul 2022 #11
Lemon Lyman Jul 2022 #2
doc03 Jul 2022 #3
SergeStorms Jul 2022 #12
paleotn Jul 2022 #5
Victor_c3 Jul 2022 #6
Joinfortmill Jul 2022 #7
True Blue American Jul 2022 #9
Victor_c3 Jul 2022 #13
mitch96 Jul 2022 #8
Archae Jul 2022 #10
yonder Jul 2022 #14
cilla4progress Jul 2022 #15
Midnight Writer Jul 2022 #16
Goonch Jul 2022 #17
Skittles Jul 2022 #18

Response to no_hypocrisy (Original post)

Sat Jul 16, 2022, 07:14 AM

1. Am curious... does your sibling feel the same way.............


I know folks who are "loners", and they seem to be very content that way.............

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Response to secondwind (Reply #1)

Sat Jul 16, 2022, 07:27 AM

4. My sister and my brother are far more social.

Both are happily married. They don't sequester themselves as I do. They accept my choice to be separate from them although we are loyal to each other.

Growing up, they tried to get me to go along with our parents, no matter how improvident they were. My brother appreciated my independence when I stood up for him when our father tried to get the rest of the family to ostracize him when he converted to Islam.

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Response to no_hypocrisy (Reply #4)

Sat Jul 16, 2022, 08:31 AM

11. Am glad you have supportive siblings...


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Response to no_hypocrisy (Original post)

Sat Jul 16, 2022, 07:16 AM

2. :-)

DeNiro said to Amy Brenneman in HEAT: "I'm alone. I'm not lonely."

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Response to no_hypocrisy (Original post)

Sat Jul 16, 2022, 07:17 AM

3. I always have been too. I have gone on several organized

tours but there is always someone that wants to make you uncomfortable being alone. Mostly I just take off for a week or two with not even a destination. I will tell someone I am going to go somewhere, the first thing they say is "by yourself". If someone comes to visit or I go somewhere to visit I can't wait for it to end.

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Response to doc03 (Reply #3)

Sat Jul 16, 2022, 09:13 AM

12. I get that as well.

I often travel alone because of the simple reason that I want to do what I like, when I want to do it, and not having to worry if I'm inconveniencing someone else.

When people say, "You're traveling alone"? I always reply, "Yes, but I'm sure there will be other people there". That usually keeps them from asking further annoying questions.

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Response to no_hypocrisy (Original post)

Sat Jul 16, 2022, 07:48 AM

5. In a sense, you're not alone....

Lots of us are wired that way. Social situations are not our first choice. I can do it, but it exhausts me after a short while. I'd rather spend time alone or with my partner and a few very close friends. Like most things in human behavior, the need for human interaction runs a spectrum. Normality isn't social or anti-social, it's wherever you are on that spectrum.

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Response to no_hypocrisy (Original post)

Sat Jul 16, 2022, 07:50 AM

6. I think being a loner is more common than most people think

Last edited Sat Jul 16, 2022, 08:51 AM - Edit history (1)

I was listening to a podcast yesterday about this. Roughly 50% of single people arenít looking for a relationship with anyone. I definitely fall into that that segment of people.

I was married nearly 14 years to a woman that turned into a mean, nasty, and abusive person. I have two daughters as a result and, beyond my two kids, I donít have anyone in my life that I interact with on a regular basis. I call my parents 2 times a month and I get along really well with my brother, but I only see him 2-3 times a year.

Life is just a lot easier and a lot less of a hassle when youíre single and by yourself. I sleep when I want, I spend my money exactly how I want, and 100% of the mess in my apartment is my own.

I havenít done much solo travel yet, but when my youngest graduates high school in about 7 years Iíll be 49 years old and I plan on basically being homeless and traveling the world until I get bored of it. I collect a rather robust pension from a combination of my military and government service and I havenít had to work in years.

Iím quite content with my life. I would never ruin what Iíve got going for me by entangling myself with another person again. I more than learned my lesson from my first marriage.

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Response to Victor_c3 (Reply #6)

Sat Jul 16, 2022, 08:04 AM

7. I hear you. I think we're a bit of a different breed.

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Response to Joinfortmill (Reply #7)

Sat Jul 16, 2022, 08:22 AM

9. I am happy being alone

But still like so socialize. One good marriage, had no desire to replace.

Took trips all over with many different people, enjoyed everyone. Cruises, AAA Tours, other kinds.. talk,text with my family every day. Family celebrations that moved from my house to theirs.

Had a huge extended family. Most are gone, now part of another big family via my DIL.

Life changes, you change with it. Stay active, do as much as you can.
Pool exercises, fellowships.

Small example. Went from big garden to 3 tomato plants from my Son on my Sun porch. He knows I loved gardening so shares his with me.

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Response to True Blue American (Reply #9)

Sat Jul 16, 2022, 09:22 AM

13. I learned to be very good at socializing, thanks to the Army

I have a fantastic relationship with my two daughters, who are 11 and 13. I live down the street from my ex wife and I see my kids 3-5 days a week. I really look forward to seeing my kids possibly have a families of their own and being a part of that.

My youngest daughter falls into the Aspergerís/autism spectrum and she is very much an introvert. Iím not at all worried about her, but I could see her being a loner like myself.

So long as people are loners by choice, I never see a problem with it.

I really enjoy hiking and I plan on doing a lot of that when I donít need to physically take care of my children in a few years. One of my goals is to hike the Appalachian trail. Statistically speaking, the two most prevalent age groups who hike it are either fresh college graduates or the newly retired.

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Response to no_hypocrisy (Original post)

Sat Jul 16, 2022, 08:10 AM

8. From one loaner to another it's spooky how your experience mirrors mine...

Me, myself and I do quite well together...
m

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Response to no_hypocrisy (Original post)

Sat Jul 16, 2022, 08:22 AM

10. I'm that way also.

I just got an invite to my 45th class reunion, but like all the rest of the reunions, I won't be going.

I really couldn't stand my classmates, and I do have a few friends, including a couple in different states.
(I am grateful for Skype.)

I do converse at times with my sisters.

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Response to no_hypocrisy (Original post)

Sat Jul 16, 2022, 10:14 AM

14. I've a great wife, kids, kids-in-law and a handful of friends.

They all allow me to find my own way, by myself, without too much demand for socializing outside that group. Hiking/driving an old or new out-of-the-way track up in the trees or out in the desert - it doesnít matter - itís my very own Church of the Solitary. Those trails, vistas and hidey holes are holier yet by the fewer folks I might come across. That lucky path became evident many years ago and damn, am I ever thankful for it.

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Response to no_hypocrisy (Original post)

Sat Jul 16, 2022, 12:17 PM

15. I bridge the gap

and am uncertain about it.

I enjoy my time in nature, with my animals, being active. I feel a lot of "shoulds" that I should interact more socially. Esp. in my senior years.

So I both feel a little withdrawn, but also enjoy it - more energizing, than socializing.

I am married to my husband of 42 years (!) and we do a lot of play together. He has more friends he spends time with regularly than me now - at 67, I still work, but alone, from a home office. We had one child - a daughter now 29. We 3 are really close! We are going together to The Chicks concert (formerly "Dixie" ) at an outdoor venue next month!

My preference in socializing is working on projects or a mission with others (eg., local Dem party) or exploring deeper issues, spiritually or in the arts - so long as the others are open-minded.

So, I'm still struggling with where I land with my sense of comfort and self-acceptance at being more of a loner!

Appreciate this space to share!!

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Response to no_hypocrisy (Original post)


Response to no_hypocrisy (Original post)

Sat Jul 16, 2022, 05:30 PM

17. 🥸

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Response to no_hypocrisy (Original post)

Sun Jul 17, 2022, 04:23 AM

18. I echo you a lot

my family was in shambles when I was a teenager, to the point I took over the finances at age 14

we moved every year so I never kept friends for very long

I am very, very comfortable being alone and find a lot of the things that "normal" people do quite boring.

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