Ted Cruz Says Psychiatrist Has Cleared Him to Run for President

[EEO]

Ted Cruz Says Psychiatrist Has Cleared Him to Run for President
Source: The Nil Admirari

::SNIP::

HOUSTON, TEXAS (The Nil Admirari): On Monday morning Senator Ted Cruz (R-T.X.) held a press conference outside of his Houston home and claimed to have been medically cleared to run for the highest office in the country. "I know there has been some public concern about my mental health and some names like 'wacko bird' thrown around. That is why I stand here today to announce to America I have been given the thumbs-up by my psychiatrist, Doctor Hugo Eagle, to run for president," stated a grinning Cruz.

Cruz held up what appeared to be a typical rectangular doctor's note for all to see. "Dr. Eagle assures America my paranoia, histrionic personality disorder, narcissism, and borderline personality disorder are all at manageable levels for me to be the next president. After all, the gays and Muslims are coming for all of us, America is doomed without me unless I get to kick the poor and the sick off of social safety net programs, the world needs me because I am so smart, and.... why the hell is that reporter in the front row looking down and not paying attention to me?!

::SNIP::

"Now where was I?" asked a smirking Cruz. "Oh, yeah. So my psychiatrist has cleared me to be president and everyone should just vote for me. Unless you want the communist, fascist, and freedom-hating Democrats to promote gay marriage, Shariah Law, the killing of Christians who have every right to hate anyone not like them, real solutions for global warming, giving immigrants amnesty, bankrupting America by guaranteeing everyone has healthcare, and the death of freedom itself."

[DJ13]

1. Hey Ted

[eppur_se_muova]

2. So he won't try to deliberately crash the country ?

I'm not reassured.

[EEO]

17. He totally would.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

3. Reminds me of Goldwater suing Fact (and winning)...

http://the60sat50.blogspot.com/2014/09/september-october-1964-barry-goldwater.html

[mikehiggins]

7. Even Rove wouldn't touch the stuff thrown at Goldwater

That was the campaign with the famous "count down" ad showing a little girl about to be nuked if Goldwater was elected. I met the man who came up with that ad back in 2004 or so. He was still embarrassed about having anything to do with it. FOX News never had a monopoly on false, vicious tactics.

Oh, and by the way, the Cruz piece is obviously satire. No legitimate psychiatrist would put anything like a clearance for a Cruz campaign in writing.

[Rosa Luxemburg]

4. Is he on meds?

[EEO]

16. I would guess 'no.'

[jberryhill]

5. That psychiatrist consults with Lufthansa

[EEO]

22. Ha. So wrong, but so funny.

[UCmeNdc]

6. So Cruz has been seeing a shrink for mental issues......

How many years? What was the main problem?

[A-Schwarzenegger]

8. People do know this is satire, right?

[DFW]

9. Not all, apparently

Sometimes, headlines that sound too plausible paired with people with too little time to read the text can lead to confusion.

Or even singing:

[A-Schwarzenegger]

11. yikes

[DeeDeeNY]

24. Excellent

[okaawhatever]

10. Thank God for Obamacare and the new mental health benefits. nt

[safeinOhio]

12. It never hurts to get

a second opinion.

[Duppers]

20. love it!

[blkmusclmachine]

13. http://ibuyworldwar2.com/wp-content/uploads/iron-cross-first-class-65.jpg

[Evergreen Emerald]

15. I'm not crazy, my mom had me tested.

This reminds me of The Big Bang Theory.

[niyad]

18. pretty sure this is a satire site

[jmowreader]

23. Well, of COURSE it's a satire site

Ted Cruz's REAL psychiatrist told Ted he was madder than a hatter. Ted immediately ran to his leather-bound copy of the Constitution, went to the "qualifications for president," found that you can be batshit insane and still be president (remember, we did suffer through Nixon, the most paranoid man to ever walk the earth), and decided to run anyway.

[niyad]

25. thank goodness I had put down my coffee, or you would owe me a keyboard!

[Duppers]

19. Brilliant. :D

[appalachiablue]

21. And where's Cruz' mother? Not locked in a closet I hope-

[liberal N proud]

26. He really should get a second opinion!

[diabeticman]

27. ....

O M G

[Sunlei]

28. Cruz could grab Mrs. Bachmann & her aural hallucinations as VP, what a Team !!