Speaking of Benevolent Sexism

[Little Star]

I'm cross posting this from GD. I guess not many people wanted to actually talk about it. It sunk like a rock. Wonder why?

Thought you guys might find it pretty interesting, I did.

Live Science
By Stephanie Pappas, Senior Writer
03 December 2012

Is It OK For the Girl to Propose? No Way, Study Suggests

Despite loosening of gender roles at work and in society as a whole, men and women are remarkably traditional when it comes to marriage, new research finds.

In fact, the study of college students at a liberal-leaning university found that not a single man or woman wanted a proposal in which the woman asked the man to marry her. And while 60 percent of women said they were "very willing" or "somewhat willing" to change their surname to their husband's upon marriage, 64 percent of men said they were "very unwilling" or "somewhat unwilling" to do the same for their wives.

However, Robnett told LiveScience, the results suggest that the strongest believers in traditional marriage roles tend to be people high in benevolent sexism, or attitudes that women should be cherished, protected and given special treatment.

Interesting stuff, much more at link: http://www.livescience.com/25198-who-should-propose-marriage.html

[Helen Reddy]

1. I recommended twice.

Perhaps DU is saturated with this topic for now. Short attention span theater and all.

[Little Star]

4. I was thinking that maybe the article pointed out that...

Benevolent Sexism might actually be a real issue and that the statistics in that study didn't fit in with some mindsets. Just a thought though.

[ismnotwasm]

2. Yeah the one I put up just dropped

What's interesting is I was just talking to a co-worker about her marriage, she and her partner had been together for sometime, and I asked. Her about proposal 'did you ask him or did he ask you, or did you just kind of decide?' "We just kind of decided" she said, not even blinking at how I phrased my question.

On a different note another co-worker is getting married, both families have certain expectations of the wedding and its stressing her out. 'This whole thing so STUPID' she fumes. She just wants it over with at this point.

[MadrasT]

3. When I got married 23 years ago, we just "kind of decided".

Did not have a regular wedding... ran off to Vegas after a couple years of "engagement" because the whole idea of a regular wedding was way too stressful. And expensive.

[Little Star]

5. I gave an ultimatum. Either shit or get off the pot....

he decided to shit and we had 30 happy years together.

I couldn't blame him for being afraid because I had 4 young children from a previous marriage and he was a 32 year old confirmed, play the field bachelor.

Turns out he was a great husband, father & grandfather. He never regretted any of it and neither did I. We all miss him. He was a great guy.

[Helen Reddy]

6. Being in a same sex relationship

for a long, long time, she and I really don't give it much thought these kinds of typical hetero issues.

Ya want to talk about an equal relationship, mine is about as good as it gets. Lucky ducky me.

[Little Star]

8. Congrats on that long, long time....

I know I am thankful for all the years in the relationship I had. It's nice to find someone to share your life with. Good on you guys!

[Helen Reddy]

11. Many thanks Little Star.

By the way, I almost always open doors for her. Since day one.

After reading all of these threads on the "door" issue, gosh, I'm rethinking some things.

Am I also a sexist so-and-so? Even being in a lesbian relationship?

[Little Star]

14. What two people who love each other do for each other...

is fine as long as you both like/enjoy it.

I hold or open doors for plenty of men & women myself and sometimes that included my husband. But I have to admit, if my husband had felt the need for me to sit in my car seat while he walked around the car to open my door, there would have been hell to pay.

But there were a few times I asked him to come help me get out of the car and walk across a icy parking lot. He had on flat shoes and I had on high heels and didn't want to break my friggin neck.

That whole door issue in GD was just trying to stir up shit for seabeyond. Some people twist every word she says. Sometimes I think she has a bullseye on her back and it pisses me off to no end.

[Helen Reddy]

16. Agreed!

Seabeyond has a set of ovaries on her and some of the menz just simply do not appreciate that!

[ismnotwasm]

9. I've wondered about something

I live in Washington state, where we just passed sex sex marriage into law. I was wondering, Not about the dynamics of proposals, but the depth of meaning some of them must have. I couldn't even watch the shots of gay couple getting their marriage licenses without tearing up.

I have an excellent hetero-marriage, however, our 'classical' gender role dynamic is skewed because he has MS and can't work. I work, he takes care of stuff around the house as much as he is able. And I don't have to drive anywhere, he takes me and picks me up (I can't express how much I despise driving)

[Helen Reddy]

12. My partner and I

decided years ago to never have a 'state' wedding.(even if we could)

Really painful to hear so many people call this a "choice." Who in their right (or left) mind would "choose" to place themselves in such a potentially discriminating position in this world? Especially gay men, they in my opinion have had it more problematic than two women. All of those "sisters" who have shared their lives or spinsters one hears about up the block. Women live together all the time.

I salute all the same sex couples who are publically devoting their lives to one another.

I am truly sorry about your husbands physical challenges, it sounds as though you both have adapted and have risen above it.

[ismnotwasm]

17. We're crazy in love

We keep waiting for it to wear off or something, 20 years is a long time, but we keep going. Perhaps that little voice that tells us time maybe shorter than we think has something to do with it, or perhaps we're just one of 'those' couples.



I have problem with the concept of marriage--we did it for our blended family. I don't think we can really to a good hard look at marriage 'as an institution'--which, of course has the most sexist of roots, until we've won equal rights for Gays.

Yeah that whole 'choice' crap. You'd have to be a mental contortionist of the first order to understand people who think like that. I don't get it, it make no sense, it has no logic. Yet there it is.


Thanks for the hug

[Helen Reddy]

19. "We're crazy in love"

awwww

We need more of that!

[Scout]

7. i proposed to my second husband.

we've been married going on 12 years.

worked for me/us.

[Little Star]

10. You were much nicer than my "shit or get off the pot" ultimatum, lol....

I said, shit or get off the pot, ask right now or we're done! He was living in my house and that free ride was coming to a end real quick.

Thinking back I should have just asked him. I think he would have said yes All's well that ends well though.

Good on you for asking

[geek tragedy]

13. The proposal issue seems like a weird issue.

Women clearly indicate their preference to get married, but apparently even if the woman expresses a desire for 5 years to get married, the actual proposal comes from the man to the woman.

Re: the names, it would be interesting to see how many men who would be unwilling to take their wife's name were also invested in her changing her own name.

[Little Star]

15. Ya gotta read the link they give those stats, I think.

[geek tragedy]

18. They didn't give that specifically.

Granted, 94% of men were less than "very willing" to give up their name . . .

Also found this confusing:

Overall, about three out of five men preferred to keep their name, while about three out of five women were willing to change theirs.

Preference vs willingness are very different things.

[Little Star]

20. Yep. Your right, they are very different.