Why should I speak up?

[seabeyond]

Sexist comments are disrespectful to women and harmful to efforts to promote equality. And in our culture, language matters. What appears to be a subtle remark can have ramifications far beyond the current situation. When a supervisor suggests in a staff meeting, for example, that women are not as analytical as men, he sets the tone for how the women in his group will be perceived and treated by others. And when young girls and boys hear sexist remarks that go unchallenged, they will be more likely to believe the validity of those comments. The simple truth is that the more we challenge the use of sexist remarks designed to control or demean women, the less often they will occur.

Women also need to speak up for personal reasons. By remaining silent, they suffer the dual costs of absorbing the negative comment and feeling badly that they didn’t have the capacity to defend themselves. Responding to sexist remarks enables women to feel powerful about the control they have over such situations and to model that behavior (and how good it feels) for other women and girls.

Men have a particular responsibility to speak up in response to sexist comments because they face fewer risks than do women in the current culture. In many settings, men have more power than women similarly situated. That is, they are more likely to be in leadership positions, their opinions are given more weight, and their right to assert themselves is less likely to be questioned than if they were women. It also can be easier to speak up when you are not the direct recipient of an offensive remark.

Men can support women who are the targets of sexist remarks by either challenging the comment or supporting the woman when she does. By speaking up, men, especially those in positions of power, can help to create a culture in business and social settings in which sexist remarks are not tolerated.

http://stopsexistremarks.org/why-should-i-speak-up/

[Helen Reddy]

1. In the words of a "Metric" song,

"When a scream becomes a yawn

I'll shutup and carry on."

[patrice]

3. There are a variety of ways not-to-yawn, some of which may work better than others. nt

[seabeyond]

4. i have tried them all. and when someone wants to be sexist, doesnt matter. they will continue

until they no longer have the respect of the crowd

[Helen Reddy]

5. Yep. n/t

[redqueen]

8. This. nt

[patrice]

2. Is it possible that actual research shows that telling people not to say stuff doesn't work?

It might even produce the opposite effect most of the time?

What people say is caused by an attitude, by their understanding of themselves & others, their understanding of themselves and you, ONLY telling them not to say whatever, without dealing with root causes, is more dealing with symptoms than it is with sources. And in many cases could be more like pinching back a plant only to result in more buds.

If the premise were true, no one would say things like: fuck, damn, shit, etc. etc. etc. and there'd be no pornography.

[boston bean]

6. Calling out the language which is the outward tell

of what one feels, is addressing the issue.

We use words to say how we feel.

[ismnotwasm]

7. It works for me.

I speak up, I'm clear about my boundaries and I take exactly no shit. I might not change the world, and, clearly I'm not talking about on-line interactions, which i find largely a waste of time when a hostile dichotomy has been created. I don't have to hear sexist, racist or homophobic crap after I do it.

I think you're simplifying the problem somewhat. I was just reading a wonderful feminist blog, had nothing to do with 'speaking up' but feminist sexuality. (I feel quite refreshed)

It did address root causes of our damaged sexuallity, and it was an very long read. Which is part of the problem. Male centric patriartical sexual dominance is how we learn about gendered interaction, and that, is a story much much longer longer than a exchanges of snarky comments or a wiki link or a statistical paragraph or two.

When you're dealing with people who have a fundamental disregard for history, for linguistics, for entitlement-- basically you're pissing up a rope anyway. Why NOT speak up? You might reach the silent ones, the frightened ones, the willing to learn about the damage sexism causes.

[redqueen]

9. Excellent post.

Thank you.

[niyad]

10. would you post the link to that article?

[ismnotwasm]

12. It's actually the blogger Redqueen turned many of us on too.

She's a trans rad-fem, and she is really to speaking women loving women, because she says,

The Prudes’ Progress: Re-membering Feminist Desire

How can we cultivate in ourselves a sexuality of feminist desire and connect with others who are doing the same?

I can only even begin to answer this question for women who love women. I don’t necessarily think it’s impossible for anyone else, but I find it difficult to imagine and I wouldn’t know where to start. Because patriarchy is a big deal (these five words are, for me, the essence of radical feminist thought), I don’t believe you can just exchange the words “women” and “men” within a feminist work, because that “big deal” puts women and men in such different positions.

And

Of the many different works I could have attempted to create, I’ve attempted this one, which is about women loving women. Other articles about different forms of feminist desire will necessarily have different content and follow a different path. If you can imagine them I encourage you to write them. My feeling is that feminist desire is difficult, and gendered power imbalances make it a lot more difficult, because instrumental sexuality is designed to run on those imbalances. And so if feminist desire is possible between a woman and her male partner, it’ll probably be because of the ways in which he’s exceptional (after all, a feminist woman picked him), and exceptions are difficult to cover in a general piece like this.

I’ve also just chosen to skip some major issues entirely. For example, I’ve chosen not to engage with the difficult issues of the masculine phallus, with eroticised degradation of women, with how society contextualises sexual relationships it sees as being between women and men and with the function of male privilege in sexual relationships. These issues require explicit treatment of a kind not given here, and are probably best addressed by a woman who has sexual relations with men.

http://radtransfem.wordpress.com/2012/11/28/the-prudes-progress-part-ii/#feministdesire


Although I identify as hetero, I have no problem with this series of articles, because there is something very profound about what they say about sexuality. She uses many quotes and has a bibliography at the end of the series that's worth a peak in itself. So while it doesn't address hetero dominance structures in great detail, she does discuss a path to rid oneself of sexual baggage. I also appreciate her attempts at not 'othering' different Points of view, as well as acknowledging her own areas of privilege. It won't be everyone's cup of tea. Those who stalk this little group will deliberately misconstrue it.

(Thank you Rdqueen)

[niyad]

13. thank you, and thank redqueen

[niyad]

11. sorry, when I hear sexist, ignorant, woman-hating, bigoted crap, I am going to say something.

silence implies consent and agreement, neither of which will I give. if someone does not like it, s/he is free to try more, or shut up and leave. their choice. but, if they try more, they will get more. I will not back down.

[Arcanetrance]

14. Men have the biggest responsibility to call other men out because we are responsible for

These remarks. Sexism among men brings us down even the "good" ones. I can't imagine what it's like to be on the receiving end of it but I can imagine it kills the spirit.

[seabeyond]

15. i agree with you. it is a mans responsibility.

but then, i feel it is mine to call out women. or christian. or u.s. citizen. or white. because i am all those things. and the voice within is the loudest.

I can imagine it kills the spirit.

i think it can. and i think that is why so many women pretend, ignore. yes. i think it can

[ismnotwasm]

16. It can do a number of things

A will to fight, a curiosity as to 'why' (often leading you straight to feminism) A type of Stockholm syndrome, and as you say, a deadened spirit. I believe it causes broader socital damage as well.

While I agree with you---I think men should take the larger responsibility-- I also understand being seeped in male privilege from birth makes it difficult to understand what is or is not sexist. Men often try to invoke 'reverse sexism' comments about males or male body parts as equal in power and effect, not understanding the dominant power structure of patriarchy.

What's bothersome and sometimes horrifying is the denial when it's not some sort of subtle sexism, but blatant in your face undeniable misogyny. That's what we've been seeing lately, given the number of 'voices' that can be heard.

But there are a number of men and men's groups who are fighting against this, slowly men and women are starting to recognize this as a global problem, one first world nations have more than their share of, instead of just looking at despotic regimes or radical Islamic groups, or countries like India. It's us, all of us, all over the world.

[Arcanetrance]

17. The recent rape stories in the two high schools show that first world sexism can be just as bad i

Not worse than what's happening in India. As to the point of words someone calling someone a dick doesn't carry the same gravity or venom as cunt. Personally when I hear people say those words cunt usually is spit out with such vile and hatred the tone can't be mistaken. Where when I've been called a dick at times there almost seems a light heartedness too it.

[ismnotwasm]

18. There is an active thread right now going on about that

In the UK, 'Cunt' is used much the same as 'bitch' is here. This, according so some, makes it an ok word, because the regional meaning is 'different'.

I don't believe it makes a damn bit of difference. That its an all purpose profanity elsewhere makes it worse not better, as it means the same thing.

[seabeyond]

19. though the people that are saying this refuse to listen to those that are from that area and tell

otherwise. that the word is offensive in UK and it is the trash that use it and they do offended others.

from what i have heard, from posters who are in the area.