The Nonconsensual Sexualization of Unintending Young Women

[redqueen]

...

Looking back, there is so much about this that disturbs me. It was my first introduction, I can see, to the sexual interpretations of others forced onto me in a dangerously she-was-asking-for-it-like manner, while I have no involvement and no desire of involvement. I didn’t intend for anything–I was just living my life. I couldn’t intend anything; for crying out loud, I was ten. And yet this is so deeply ingrained into the mentality of society that it was pushed onto me by none other than ten-year-old girls, who themselves had no idea what they were doing, but had somehow come to understand the significance and had learned to police “sexuality.” And I “fixed” something that didn’t need to be fixed to appease to the fabrications of patriarchy, unwillingly, tearily, and self-destructively.

...

The whole delusion of she must be attempting to be seductive or she wouldn’t be wearing that / talking about this is at its core egotistical. And, fine, let’s say a woman is trying to be seductive. What the hell makes you think you’re the one she’s trying to seduce? And if you aren’t, what the hell makes you think you have any right to shove yourself into her business? Your thoughts are your own: you are free to notice her, think about her, fantasize, etc.–you are not free to involve her, through actions or words that disclose what’s going on in your pants, unless she specifically consents and makes it clear. And this consent is not infinite. Or “a light switch” as they say. And this goes both ways. Were I to fantasize about a man I knew, I wouldn’t tell him this, thereby involving him, unless I was certain he wouldn’t mind hearing it. Otherwise, yes, it is harassment–I would be involving him against his will and making him feel extraordinarily uncomfortable.

...

Like the ten-year-olds previously mentioned who categorized me–and themselves–into stereotypes, the actions and very real personalities of women are often fetishized as though they aren’t whole or they belong in compartments of sexuality, a mentality that enables men to “sample” women of each respective fantasy and ultimately objectify and limit them to these. And there are several. The “innocent girlfriend”–popular among religious men and Nice Guys–whom men protect not out of selfless care and love but for the sake of being the first ones to “corrupt” her, or to fulfill their own fetish through the limitation of her personality. The “experienced whore”–her supposed “opposite”–and then of course the deadly dichotomy, whom few women are–and when they are, they are viewed as deceitful, mind you–and destroy themselves attempting to become. Smart girls are fetishized for their intelligence, not for being whole people from whom we learn and with whom we expand our perspective, but for “Hey I slept with this really smart chick.” And don’t get me started about “beautiful exotic girls.”

We don’t revolve around you. And my personality is not a fetish.

...

http://thefatalfeminist.com/2011/09/03/the-nonconsensual-sexualization-of-unintending-young-women/

There's one part of this that I really do not get so of anyone else does please clue me in. The rest of it is so good.

[MadrasT]

1. Was the part you didn't get this: "He’s clearly a vagina."?

Not the best choice, but I think she is being over-the-top sarcastic... in a way, making oblique reference to what an idiotic insult that is to begin with.

Otherwise, great article.

[ismnotwasm]

3. I missed that part, picked it up on a re-read

You're probably right.

[redqueen]

4. Yep, that was it.

Thanks, I couldn't make heads or tails of it. I should've included it in the excerpt but it was hard to pick which four paragraphs to share.

[ismnotwasm]

2. What part don't you get?

The only part that ran a little discordant to me was her instructor zipping her dress up--but that had more to do with how it was written.

I'm glad I gave up trying to be a 'good girl' early. Although my behavior ultimately caused me and others pain, I was a walking middle finger for a number of years. Trying to own sexual agency that way only works if you've got confidence and a lot of anger. (Or outright denial of the state of being woman) Anyway being forced into, or trying to fitting into any 'category' itched like poison ivy to me. I understood WHY it affected me, but not what to do about it.

When I was around 29, I learned to stop reacting and to please myself, and started seeing things through a feminist lens. And became inwardly happy, with righteous anger directed outward to where it's deserved, where it belongs and where it does some good.