Uncomfortable subject - your period, your cooking and criticism

[Aerows]

Every couple of months when I have my period, I get pissed off about a number of household imbalances. I got so pissed off I raged at my father when he assumed that I would cook (the wrong) beans and make them to his specifications, when I have made every meal of beans in this household.

He did it to me prior when I cooked cabbage. He upfront told me "I don't like it". I cooked it. Suddenly, he is an expert and wants me to cook it the way he imagines it will come out okay.

Biscuits. I've made biscuits enough times that I know how to make them, but he insisted he knew better. Just for him, I cooked biscuits his way and they were bullshit.

Dilled Pickles. The things could have killed us done his way, but he believes he knows best.

I got fucking pissed when I have made navy beans to help him with his diabetes, and he declared that I didn't know how to make them after I have been making them all along. I fucking lost my temper and yelled.

It's probably not my period, because I swallowed it after the cabbage episode (he ate it and thought it tasted great after he harangued me to do it this way and that and I did NOT, I followed a recipe). I should have spoken my mind before I boiled over like a pot and screamed.

I was so mad about that I was fuming. Do NOT tell me how to cook a dish that I have already cooked for you several times, then come home and tell me how you want me to cook it, and then produce substandard ingredients.

I refuse to cook something when I know it will be a failure.

[ismnotwasm]

1. It's clearly NOT your period

Aside from the fact that shifting hormones don't help stressful situations; or maybe they do. I would have yelled or at least told him to shove it, period or no period.

[Aerows]

3. I yelled, and lost my temper

I don't like to do that, but I think everyone got the message because we all cooked, ate dinner and nobody was pissed off.

I have to put my foot down when you intend to cook things that I *know* is a disaster.

[ismnotwasm]

10. You father is lucky to have you

And perhaps it's behavior he has a hard time changing. But it sounds as though you have a reasonable family unit, and a little yelling happens now and again.

My father is incapable of being civil because he's a chronic asshole and so is deprived of my company. It's not his fault, exactly, something--many things are wrong with him, but I don't put up with abuse from anyone.

[Aerows]

18. chronic asshole

Pretty much what I've been dealing with.

[ismnotwasm]

21. That's hard

I stopped dealing with because in my case he has a mental condition-- narcissistic personality for starters. I wouldn't boil water for my father. Not out of anger, I just don't feel like useless fights and insults. I just don't talk to him.

[Autumn]

2. I don't think it's you. It sounds like to me it's

your Father. I imagine he might be up there in age. My FIL was the same way. Very self centered and everything had to be done his way.

[Aerows]

4. He imagines things that his mother cooked, and yes, he is up there in age

Last edited Sun Nov 17, 2013, 09:45 PM - Edit history (1)

I tried cooking biscuits the way he dictated them to be cooked. They were a disaster. I tried canning pickles with him, following his "wisdom". They were thrown out (because they could have cause Ptomaine, and even his sister told him that, but he's so arrogant he insisted until he undid the Ball jar lids).

He gets angry at me when I tell him he can't do things that will poison us all. It's disheartening to be called a bitch, ungrateful and that I don't listen to anyone.

I don't, because I want to make sure we have decent food to eat and live to see another day.

[Autumn]

5. Does he have dementia? It sounds like you are

in a difficult situation. I don't think it's you at all.

[Aerows]

7. No, he's just an arrogant man

that sums it up. Do something well, he wants to rush in and take credit for it.

[seabeyond]

8. ya woman...

i was lite in my post below. but it si beyond disheartening to have your father call you a bitch. i am sorry you re experiencing this.

[Aerows]

13. Calling me a "know it all" bitch

was pretty much a blow.

[seabeyond]

15. if my father, whom i love with all my heart, threw that at me,

i would look at him differently. how can one not

[R. Daneel Olivaw]

20. Did he actually use the B word on you?

That's harsh. I couldn't ever think of saying that to anyone.

[seabeyond]

6. none of my men would dare. and that is me NOT being on my period, lmfao.

hand him the stuff and tell him to show you how it is done.

as far as the period bulshit, i figure the only difference is instead of fuming silent, we express. meh...

[Aerows]

9. You shouldn't dare walk into the kitchen

with the wrong ingredients and then demand that I start cooking them and make them a masterpiece. It was such arrogance and stupidity that I can't imagine any man other than my father doing it.

His own sisters would have laughed him out of the kitchen, but he's shocked *shocked* that women don't like to be told what to do when they are cooking and have been the ones doing it.

[Aerows]

11. PS - I invited him to show me how it was done

He didn't. He pretended it was my fault because he *couldn't*.

[seabeyond]

12. lol. ya. i do not mind getting angry when someone is disrespectful to me.

i really never have and do not allow it in life.

i wouldnt know how to not say something.

i am very respectful to others. i expect the same.

[Aerows]

14. Exactly

I expect others to return respect. If you don't, well, it pains me, because I really don't like hurling insults, but push me far enough, and I will yell, glare and hurl insults with the rest of them.

[Ilsa]

16. Have you tried countering with sarcastic humor?

"Dad, are you cramping? You sound like you're on your period."

Perhaps you should use canned beans for a few weeks to show him what he gets with his senseless whining about the lovely things you do for him.

He's way out of line.

[Aerows]

17. I love him

I check on him and my mother by making dinner often, and I guess I get the brunt of it. My father threatened to call my sister so that she could hear how "awful" I was being.

Yeah, she is a "Christian", lives a 1000 miles away, and is far too perfect to do the day in, day out family things.

We are good now, I guess. I have to let it go. I think the threat of calling my sister who is the perfect but absent one in the family shut it all down ( I was all for it!). I wished they would. She is a holy roller selfish type, and they know that I am not. I told them to call her and get her to be there instead of me.

That pretty much ended all of the antics.

We watched the Saint's game, had some good dinner, and let it all go.

[Aerows]

19. Eat at the restaurant of your choice

It's boorish behavior that you can come home and dictate the person who cooks, what they will cook, and that they will use substandard things to cook.

Burger King is ------} that way.