an observation seeing "tells" of sexual abuse of children. your thoughts?

[seabeyond]

after reading this for a couple days, it seems what i hear, is the people that excuse allen

Last edited Thu Feb 6, 2014, 09:22 AM - Edit history (1)

have no interest, thought, knowledge, awareness of sexual abuse. they do not need to have interest, thought, knowledge or awareness of abuse because they are not in a position in life cause of gender or circumstance that make that knowledge vital.

as a mom protective of my children, and a woman, that has experienced sexual harassment, and a feminist that has read many many many stories, i am in a position where tells are easy to see.

my husband on the other hand that has always lived in a safe world, doesnt have interest in feminism and womens experience, wants to just enjoy life in his privilege and entitlement which allows him this perspective and not the parent that does the emotional work with the children, he would not see the tells, at all, not even a little. they would have to be pointed out to him. and then, they would have to be explained to him. he would be open, but it would not be something he comes to on his own.

where as a man, and i can think of a few on du, that grew up with sexual assault or experienced it are in the same position where tells are easy to see.

not really a gender issue, more a privilege/entitlement, experience issue.

so those that listen to the story and say meh.... to many of the tells that throw up a flag will never even kinda get why it is obvious to so many of us.

when having the responsibility to our children, to protect them, without causing the children to have to live in the adult world responsible for their own safety because it is the parents job, then it makes it very clear and easy for the parent.

there is no fooling around. there is no wishy washy. there is a line and when someone steps over, even a toe, not even planting the foot on the ground yet? done. that person is done being around the kids, or ever to be trusted alone with them. it is not something any of us would ever play with.

edit... ha. didnt finish the OP. anyway, after reading a handful of days, and listening ot many many people, i was thinking about this and came to the conclusion, that those of us that are in a position to see and experience can see tells in this situation. and those that are not, have not, refuse.... cant really see the tells in this situation. a nurse, a doctor, they will see tell signs. this would be another situation. once seen, we do not unsee

[cinnabonbon]

1. "there is a line and when someone steps over, even a toe, not even planting the foot on the ground

yet? done."

I agree with that line. The thing about child abuse is that once a person starts to notice red flags, they are not supposed to wait for the situation to escalate. They're supposed to take the child out of it. That is the common sense, logical thing to do.

And to put it in perspective, who would notice someone who doesn't respect the boundaries or who acts like a creep? Women! They have to deal with that already, so they don't have to be taught to notice.

[seabeyond]

2. another thought. if we only went with absolute, you know how many pedophiles would

have free access to our children. that the same people not recognizing the tells, or ignoring, are demanding conviction and multiple witness and observatory abuse in front of the witnesses for it to even be considered. the reality is.... if we waited to act until we had a written confession, a hell of a lot more of our children would be being abused.

that is not the answer

that is not acceptable.

the man my niece was going to marry grabbed hold of her three year old and "tossed" him on the bed. bruises ya, his bad, a tad tight. and really, not a big deal. the end.... my niece told him, done. unacceptable.

you stop it before it gets to rape

those are tells

[Tuesday Afternoon]

3. thing is some abused go on to perpetuate and allow more abuse to happen

to their children.

sins of the fathers, type of thing.

how to break the vicious cycle?

some do not think it is abuse.

why?