Women Are Kind And Men Are Strong: How Benevolent Sexism Hurts Us All

[boston bean]

A few months ago, I wrote a column about a situation I’ve experienced and witnessed more than I’d care for: being the only woman participating in a meeting or project—and thus being expected to become the team’s default administrative assistant. This piece struck a chord with readers of both genders, and many shared experiences that, although not directly related to administrative tasks, fell into the category of ambivalent or benevolent sexism.

Even if you’re not familiar with these terms, you’ve most likely witnessed them firsthand. Ambivalent or benevolent sexism refers to attitudes that view women and men in stereotypical roles, but feel “positive” or even complimentary in nature. Ambivalent or benevolent sexism usually originates in an idealization of traditional gender roles: Women are “naturally” more kind, emotional, and compassionate, while men are “naturally” more rational, less emotional, and “tougher,” mentally and physically. Translated into the workplace, ambivalent or benevolent sexism is behind the assumption that women are naturally better administrative assistants or naturally prepared to organize buying a gift for the boss. Because they’re “better” at it.

Melanie Tannenbaum with Scientific American provides a great overview of why benevolent sexism can have long-lasting, negative impacts, but the bottom line is that even though the tone of these comments can seem benign—even complimentary—they’re indicative of an insulting, stereotypical worldview.

For example, a few years ago, I was at our office’s holiday party. A male co-worker, let’s call him John, baked and brought a pecan pie. Our director tasted it, then cheerfully walked around the rest of the party exclaiming, “You have to try John’s pie. It’s so good. And he made it himself! His wife didn’t even help!”

http://www.forbes.com/sites/dailymuse/2014/02/24/women-are-kind-and-men-are-strong-how-benevolent-sexism-hurts-us-all/

Yeah, I know it's not quite as interesting as DOORS DOORS DOORS, but pretty good article.

[Sheldon Cooper]

1. I was wondering if this was about doors!

Because, you know, if any man would so much as think about holding a door for me I would renounce him publicly, and with great vigor!

[sufrommich]

2. Although this is a really great article,it's

very frustrating to me that I've been reading this same type of article for at least 30 years now. When is it going to sink in?

[redqueen]

3. +1

It is pathetic how many grown people so desperately cling to the idiotic idea of 'gender'. It's like some kind of mental security blanket.

[geek tragedy]

4. as someone said, if you ask a fish about his/her environment, they won't mention water nt

[Flatulo]

5. This is really pervasive, and unfortunately, it's perpetuated by both women and men.

My sister-in-law comes from a large family - seven sisters and their associated husbands and children. When the whole clan gets together, it's over 40 people. The women all gather in the kitchen to prepare the food, buffet style, while the men go to the living room to watch the Big Game.

I enjoy preparing and serving food. I do not enjoy team sports. So when I stroll into the kitchen to help out, I am physically shoved back into the living room. This traditional behavior gets passed on from generation to generation, and no one dares to even think that things can be different. And you know what else - my sister-in-law and her clan think I'm 'weird'. Possibly even gay, although I can't be sure. Not that I mind - I continue to try to break into the collective kitchen, but so far unsuccessfully.

What's even more troubling for me is that I see the very same behavior in the workplace. At large group meetings, the female engineers would prepare the coffee and refreshments for the males, who would wait their like little puppies with their yaps open, waiting for a goodie. Again, when I try to get involved, I'm shoo'ed away like a shoplifter. And these are educated women - engineers and scientists.

Go figure. In my home, I prepare and serve food to guests. People have commented, "What's the matter, can't Jayne do that?" I usually reply, "Sure she can, but we both prefer that I do it."

[sufrommich]

6. Yes,it is suffocatingly pervasive,for men

as well as women.

[seabeyond]

7. you are so right on. and living in a different world, we see how very stupid it all is.

my husband was a way better cook than i. both brothers way better cook. so when we started having the holidays at my house, all their asses were in the kitchen as much as my own. lol. compay comes, husband prepares his stuff, i take care of mine. sometimes, i am the one with the wine glass, entertaining the guest and the cook cause i am much more fun in that role.

it is lovely not having prescribed roles. and you are right, i would be bringing you into the kitchen, telling the women to knock it off, and telling you to knock yourself out, thank you.

[Flatulo]

9. The traditional gender expectations did a great deal of harm to my son when he was young.

Like me, he eschewed sports, and was terribly bullied and traumatized starting around the sixth grade. It took a horrific toll on the whole family. He felt worthless, ashamed, and it really drove him into a bad state. With the help of a his family and a wonderful therapist, he's a happy and well-adjusted 24 y/o man with a lovely girlfriend who enjoys his cooking.

Fuck all this macho locker room shit. It hurts, even kills boys. It's somewhat analogous to the body expectations that young women have to struggle with, although it does ease up in high school whereas women have to deal with it for a lifetime. At least it eased for my son. He got into theater, and by then there was a lot more acceptance of the non-macho stuff. He even ended up being friendly with a lot of the guys who had tormented him years earlier.

On edit: didn't mean to make this about males, as it's a feminist forum. I did want to point out though that both genders take a hit from this crap.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

8. cracked up at this line

"And, for the sole sake of column length, let’s abbreviate benevolent sexism to “BS.”

Thanks for posting it.