Gendered personality traits in society

[YoungDemCA]

I would like to preface this post, first, by saying that I am a generally shy, quiet, timid, bookish, introverted, and self-reflective person-even though I am also a young man. The point I am trying to make here is that a lot of that which I listed above, in my experience, seems to be at least somewhat more associated with "feminine" (read: what society has constructed as feminine) qualities, more so than for men. It doesn't make sense to me why personality traits that can be found in a wide variety of people-men and women included-are gendered traits in society.

Why do men have to be aggressive, obsessed with sex, and lacking in emotional complexity (or perceived that way, anyway)? Why do women have to be "overly" emotional, constantly worried about how they look, always fearing social rejection, and always wary of the men they meet and know in their lives?

These are all rhetorical questions, by the way; I think we all know the answer already. None of it has to be this way. None of it is inevitable. But that is how society operates as is. That is how we are compelled to operate by our culture, by the conditioning that we all go through and have gone through.

The question is...where to begin?

[chervilant]

1. Where to begin?

I encourage you to read Dinnerstein's "The Mermaid and the Minotaur." She is a difficult read (wordy and pedantic), but her points are VERY important.

[MadrasT]

2. If you switch it around, I could have written what you wrote.

I am a female bodied person with traits associated with "masculine".

I don't even understand what "gender" is or is supposed to be, other than a collection of stereotypes that don't seem very useful to me (due to so many humans deviating from the stereotype in one or more ways).

The whole question of "gender" confuses me so much, I can't even identify what it is or what it is supposed to mean or how it applies to me. (So I identify as non-gendered.)

This is my reaction to the whole thing:



I don't know where to begin, other than by routinely calling out and objecting to stereotypes when I hear them.

[redqueen]

3. One easy thing is to just call it out as the bullshit it is, every time.

There are also many organizations that are working to change things. Support them.

There are even more blogs and articles about the issue. Share them. Get involved in discussions and make your voice heard.

Raising awareness is the best way to change things.

[YoungDemCA]

4. Thanks for the responses eveyome

I appreciate them.

[ismnotwasm]

5. And I'm aggressive to assertive, neither modest or shy

Swear far better than a sailor, am physically very strong.

I also isolate, read tons, hate cooking and cleaning love gardening

In other words, I'm a mix and match of traits that make me, well me.

People are surprised at how old I am because I laugh loudly, walk quickly and interact easily with people of any age.

My husband has a number of so called masculine traits, yet he is kind, caring, and adorable.

I have a number of so called feminine traits, yet I fall short in certain areas where he has them

So, that's why we say gender is a social construct, and more, gender expectations are a social construct. If a man seems "feminine" or even gentle, in anyway, people start wondering if he Is 'gay'-- which is bigotry, as many Gay men exhibit 'masculine traits. If a women cuts her hair short, same thing.

The place to begin, IMO is Gay rights, passing the ERA for women, allowing people to self decorate the way they want, female or male-- or not at all--slowly accepting that genders seen to lie on a continuum rather than this Tarzan/Jane crap (although Jane was kind of a badass) will allow society to break free of the gendered chains we wear. There will always be your standard types, but anyone outside of that type won't be the norm, or have their sexuality questioned. We have a long way to go.