I came across this ad on Craiglist

[BainsBane]

I wish I could say it's a parody, but it's not. It's also not that terribly unusual. Seems like the sort of guy who might end up making spreadsheets within a few years.

No mention of politics, so evidently the hammer and sickle appear only for the purposes of showing the photo-shopped body that applicants are expected to possess.

Are you out there? - 45



age : 45 body : athletic height : 6'2" (187cm) status : single

I really did not know what to write here so I went to the "Women Seeking Men" postings to get some hints. So after reading them, here it goes.

So here is what I am looking for in a woman:
I am looking for a woman who is very pretty with a sexy figure. I am more of an ass guy but nice tits are a bonus. You should work out regularly and be tanned and toned. Look awesome in a bikini and know it. BBW. . ... Maybe back off the Doritos and go do something about losing one of the B's. Get back to me when you look good in a bikini.
You should like sex. You want to please your man and do whatever it takes. Be proud of your body and not worry about leaving the lights on or walking around the house without your ass covered. Enjoy receiving and giving oral sex. Swallowing a bonus! Never use your pussy as a tool to get something from your man. A sandwich works better on me and doesn't piss me off.
You should have a job. Doctors, Lawyers, and Indian princesses move to the front of the line. If you don't make at least 50K a year, don't bother. I already took care of a free loader for 17 years. Time for someone else to help carry some of the load.
You should have a car. If you make 50K, I am sure you do have one. If you still don't, what the f**K. Step to the back of the line now.
Enjoy hanging out with my friends. If you don't, pretend that you do anyway. Being able to watch sports and articulate something about the game other than the color of the uni's would be great.
Don't smoke. . ..gross, stupid, expensive, dirty. If you think smoking makes you look cool, step to the back of the line. If you do not have enough will power to quit. . ..you are a loser too. . ...step to the back of the line.
Drink only if you are a fun and horny drunk.
Drug users. . .step to the back of the line behind the smokers.
Tatoos -- a few subtle ones are ok. One nice red target symbol on the lower back would be great! Give me something to shoot for at the end of a romping doggy session. It would be like being at the arcade. Put threes blobs in the circle and win a free game and we do it all over again!
Piercings -- Not sure here. The tongue things look horrible but if they help with oral. . ...let's give it a try.
Wear clothes that make others stare and my friend's jealous. Obviously you buy them with your money and surprise me with them. Pay for your own hair styling and teeth whitening too. You must keep on top of your game so I don't drop you like a bad habit.
You should have a penchant for cleaning. When I am not banging you and you are not at work, you should make an effort to keep the place clean.
Worship me like the god that I am in public and private and Ignore all my manly bad habits
Me. I am your average smart, good looking guy. I am not a body builder. But trust me. . .you will not be able to help but adore me.
So, if you think you meet my requirements, get back to me with "Miss Perfect" in the subject box so I know you are real.
do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers

[shenmue]

1. Crack is a hell of a drug

[F4lconF16]

2. Sadly, this isn't atypical.

I've been on craigslist a lot lately while looking for work, and occasionally I browse through the other sections as well. Unfortunately, this seems to be a fairly common type of post. It seems that "Worship me like the god that I am" is the main idea behind most of them. Can't get respect from women in real life (surprise surprise), so they have to go online.

And of course this isn't even mentioning what I've seen/heard of on actual dating sites.

[tblue37]

3. Probably not meant seriously. That reads like it is meant as a joke,

especially this line:

"Worship me like the god that I am in public and private and Ignore all my manly bad habits."

[BainsBane]

4. It's real

He's had earlier versions of it posted and recently updated it to include the photo. For some reason, he isn't having a lot of success with it.

[smirkymonkey]

23. Disgusting. I can't believe that people like that really exist.

[JoeyT]

21. He just sounds like every other red pill wanker.

Which is the same place the spreadsheet Bain mentioned originally came from.

The only thing out of place for a terper is they believe that performing oral sex is for women, and any guy that does it is probably a beta that doesn't even lift.

(Red pill is a reddit subthread with about 60k subscribers that are a hybrid between MRAs and PUAs that managed to be worse than than either.)

[redqueen]

28. "any guy that does it is probably a beta that doesn't even lift"

[ismnotwasm]

5. LoL

Adore him? Beat his ass maybe. Idiotic Little puke.

Let me see, 50K is low balling it--- I make more than that, so I suspect he's either uneducated or lying about his age; clearly way to far into porn, probably an addict. Not that his sexual requests are unusual, but very juvenile, makes me wonder about that age thing again, likewise with the car. "Piss me off" -- anger issues red flag. At 45, piercings have been around as for as long as he's been sexually active, so he seems surprisingly naive about piercings and tatoos. "Not a body builder" hmm.

An chubby socially awkward out of work--probably lower end second hand store manager type misogyynist with a porn addiction (thus his disdain for other addicts) who doesn't bath often enough, breathes heavily through his nose and lacks personal grooming skills. (nose and ear hairs)

What do you think?

[BainsBane]

7. For what?

Stupidity? Narcissism? There is no rule against being a complete ass. Better he display himself for the world to see so that women know to stay clear.

[2pooped2pop]

8. oops

OOPs my bad. Didn't realize this post was actually in the HOF group. Will delete my responses. I read latest, and so many of these things are in there that I forgot to verify.

[1StrongBlackMan]

13. Wow ...

I can't think of anything that I could/would post about this craiglist seeker, that I would feel compelled to self-delete because it's posted in the HoF.

Tell me him didn't think this guy's wish-list is worth anyone considering ... Please.

[BainsBane]

15. Not at all

I don't know why the person self-deleted. They simply suggested I report the ad.

[gollygee]

9. Yeah I bet that'll work

I'm sure every supermodel doctor who reads it will be begging for the opportunity to spend all her money on keeping herself looking how he wants her to look.

[BainsBane]

10. Reminds me of an episode of the Millionaire Matchmaker

Where some guy had some similar requirement that a woman be both an accomplished professional and keep herself in model-like shape. Patti said, that doesn't exist. Professional women don't have time to spend hours working out every day, doing their hair and nails. You get one or the other. Pick.

[gollygee]

11. .

Mr. Bingley: Well, I think it's amazing that you young ladies have the patience to be so accomplished.
Miss Bingley: What do you mean, Charles?
Mr. Bingley: You all paint tables, and play the piano, and embroider cushions! I never heard of lady but people say she is accomplished.
Mr. Darcy: Indeed, the word is applied too liberally. I cannot boast of knowing more than half a dozen women in all my aquaintence who are truly accomplished.
Elizabeth Bennet: My goodness, you must comprehend a great deal in the idea.
Miss Bingley: Indeed; she must have a thorough knowledge of music, singing, drawing, dancing, and all the modern languages to deserve the word. And something about her air, and manner of walking....
Mr. Darcy: [glanced at the book in Lizzy's hands] And, of course, she must improve her mind with extensive reading.
Elizabeth Bennet: [closes the book she had been reading] I am no longer surprised at your knowing only six accomplished women, I now wonder at your knowing any.
Mr. Darcy: Are you so severe on your own sex?
Elizabeth Bennet: I never saw such a woman. Surely she would be a fearsome thing to behold.

[redqueen]

12. He sounds like a PUA...

being super demanding and "alpha" with the dumbass hope that it will trick "high value" women into thinking he's worth bothering with.

These guys (PUAs) are fucking idiots.

[cyberswede]

14. LOL. That has to be satire...

Or a practical joke (being played on the guy).



I mean, nobody could seriously think he would get any replies, right?

[BainsBane]

16. I think it is serious

Only because I've seen earlier versions of it. I can't imagine anyone feeling compelled to post the same satire repeatedly. Also the title of the listing was "Are you out there."

[BainsBane]

17. Here is a version from a month ago, minus Commie blonde

Oh, he's 51 in the ad from a month ago, so he's miraculously gotten 6 yrs younger in the past month.

I really did not know what to write here so I went to the "Women Seeking Men" postings to get some hints. So after reading them, here it goes.

So here is what I am looking for in a woman:
I am looking for a woman who is very pretty with a sexy figure. I am more of an ass guy but nice tits are a bonus. You should work out regularly and be tanned and toned. Look awesome in a bikini and know it. BBW. . ... Maybe back off the Doritos and go do something about losing one of the B's. Get back to me when you look good in a bikini.
You should like sex. You want to please your man and do whatever it takes. Be proud of your body and not worry about leaving the lights on or walking around the house without your ass covered. Enjoy receiving and giving oral sex. Swallowing a bonus! Never use your pussy as a tool to get something from your man. A sandwich works better on me and doesn't piss me off.
You should have a job. Doctors, Lawyers, and Indian princesses move to the front of the line. If you don't make at least 50K a year, don't bother. I already took care of a free loader for 17 years. Time for someone else to help carry some of the load.
You should have a car. If you make 50K, I am sure you do have one. If you still don't, what the f**K. Step to the back of the line now.
Enjoy hanging out with my friends. If you don't, pretend that you do anyway. Being able to watch sports and articulate something about the game other than the color of the uni's would be great.
Don't smoke. . ..gross, stupid, expensive, dirty. If you think smoking makes you look cool, step to the back of the line. If you do not have enough will power to quit. . ..you are a loser too. . ...step to the back of the line.
Drink only if you are a fun and horny drunk.
Drug users. . .step to the back of the line behind the smokers.
Tatoos -- a few subtle ones are ok. One nice red target symbol on the lower back would be great! Give me something to shoot for at the end of a romping doggy session. It would be like being at the arcade. Put threes blobs in the circle and win a free game and we do it all over again!
Piercings -- Not sure here. The tongue things look horrible but if they help with oral. . ...let's give it a try.
do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers

[cyberswede]

18. Gah...he got younger...like when real estate listings show "price reduced"

I honestly don't see the rewrite as an improvement, but I'm sure he's still trying to generate even ONE response.

[BainsBane]

22. I suppose it's possible it's some sort of social experiment

to see if any women are actually self-loathing enough to respond, someone other than the on-line scammers and people with websites who I gather respond to all of the ads.

[NYC_SKP]

19. "I am more of an ass guy"

Yeah, well, I guess he is!

[BainsBane]

20. LOL.

For sure.

[theHandpuppet]

24. Remember this gem??

http://jezebel.com/insanely-detailed-craigslist-personal-ad-has-a-28-quest-1212317513/1215849057

[BainsBane]

25. Wow. I hadn't seen that

A male member mentioned to me that he'd come across a profile of a women who had some long questionnaire she expected prospects to complete.

This is pretty funny:

8) Question:I'm a lesbian. I do not date men. Are you cool with meeting someone that wants to be "just friends"?

Like the lesbians are just beating down his door.

I "personally" cannot date a man who uses "quotation marks" so often and so "inappropriately." What a loon.

[theHandpuppet]

26. Why of course

It's expected that lesbians seeking friends would zero in on this delusional, self-absorbed, misogynic, control freakin', arrogant piece of asshole het male like heatseeking missiles!

[Jacoby365]

27. I think it is parody.

And the clue is the first line of his ad: "I really did not know what to write here so I went to the "Women Seeking Men" postings to get some hints. So after reading them, here it goes."

Just my opinion.

[BainsBane]

29. I'm tempted to write him to find out.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

30. Would you expect the truth? Even in fun I doubt

This to be a sincere person.