Does anyone have any good resources on masturbation?

[F4lconF16]

I have a friend who was raised not to do it. I think that it's a very important part of our sexuality, that it helps us know ourselves better. There's a lot more to it, obviously, but I was wondering if anyone knows of any good authors or books on the subject. I'd like to learn more about it and how it's part of a healthy understanding of ourselves and our sexuality in order to better be able to talk to them about it. I have a fairly decent understanding at the moment, but it's not a subject I'm all that confident in being able to explain to someone else with finesse (not the right word, but I'm too tired to look up what I mean). In particular, I'd like to read a text that deals with religious aspects as well as just gender and sexuality issues.

[MisterP]

1. there's a potted history on Wiki--condemnation's really new all things considered

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_masturbation
I also know a Theosophy founder was jailed for teaching it

[F4lconF16]

6. That's something to look at.

Interesting story about the theosophy guy.

[NV Whino]

2. Been years since I've read it, but Our Bodies, Our Selves might have something.

[F4lconF16]

7. I'll check it out. Thanks

[haikugal]

3. Betty Dodson...

The Queen of self knowledge...love the woman. She has books and for all I know videos. She's been teaching women how to pleasure themselves and overcome negative teaching for many years.

Good luck and how wonderful your friend has you to guide and encourage her.

Here is some wiki information to get you started.

Originally from Kansas, Dodson came to New York City to train as an artist in 1950, and has lived on Manhattan's Madison Avenue since 1962.[1] In 1959 Dodson married Frederick Stern, an advertising director, with the marriage ending in divorce in 1965.[1] Dodson's quest for "sexual self-discovery" began after her divorce.[1] Dodson held the first one-woman show of erotic art at the Wickersham Gallery in New York City in 1968. She left the art world to teach sex to women. She is widely known as a pioneer in women's, and to a somewhat lesser extent men's, sexual liberation, having sold more than 1 million copies of her first book, Sex for One.

Much of her fame has come from her work not only advocating masturbation, but conducting workshops for more than 30 years in which groups of about 10 or more women (and at least once a group of men) would talk, explore their own bodies, and masturbate together. She hosted a Public-access television cable television program in New York City in the early 1980s, and conducted her workshop – a dozen or so nude women discussing and practicing masturbation – on TV.[citation needed] Her Web site, called "Betty Dodson's Genital Gallery", shows many films of masturbation and intercourse, with close-up views of genitals.

She is a founder of the pro-sex feminist movement,[citation needed] having left behind the more traditional feminist movement, because she considered it banal, antisexual and over-politicized. Dodson considers too much is made of sexual labels and embraces them all by calling herself a heterosexual, bisexual lesbian. She looks forward to the day we can all be just "sexual."[2] In recent years she has criticized Eve Ensler's The Vagina Monologues, which she believes has a negative and restrictive view of sexuality and an anti-male bias.[3]

Dodson earned a degree from the Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality for her research work on sexuality.[4]

Dodson published a memoir, My Romantic Love Wars, in 2010.[1]

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Betty_Dodson

Don't let her scare you, she's a free thinker! I found her books very helpful back in the day.
She deals with all the negative messages we learn so self love starts in your head...and she goes from there.

I have no idea why the formatting is so messed up....lol

[eridani]

4. I went to one of her workshops 35 years ago

She's still great after all these years.

[haikugal]

10. Don't you just love it!

I wish I'd been able to get to one of her workshops...wow...respect eridani

I should stop being surprised by our common knowledge and experience at DU...lol

[F4lconF16]

8. Let her scare me?

Last edited Sat Apr 4, 2015, 05:28 AM - Edit history (1)

She sounds awesome! What an impressive person. I quite like the sound of her. I'll definitely have to look up her stuff--this looks exactly like what I had in mind. It's really a hard thing to switch mentalities, particularly from an oppressive religious background. It's one of the things that still bugs me most about the vast majority of churches, and Christianity in particular: the gender divide in their teachings is atrocious. It's incredibly enduring, as well, and most women I know have long internalized those harmful ideas about their own sexuality (or supposed lack thereof). Unfortunately, a lot of the stuff is very subtle, too, which makes it a challenging subject to talk about without alienating someone. Thankfully the person I will be talking about this with is pretty comfortable and confident in themselves, and they're quite open to new ideas as well. It will make this discussion a lot easier, because once we can break through that initial discomfort and go past the top layer of the restrictive sexuality they were brought up with, I think they'll be really open to understanding themselves better. Dodson sounds like someone who understood how to do this really well--I'm looking forward to reading her, thanks!

Sorry about all the awkward pronouns, btw. I don't want to disclose anything about them, gender or otherwise, as there's a very small chance someone who knows my username might read this (a very small chance though haha).

[haikugal]

11. WONDERFUL!!!!

I'm so glad! I once shared Betty with a woman and she was so shocked by her she returned (thank you very much) her in a plain brown paper bag and that was that! Poor woman, and poor daughter the book was intended to educate. Oh well...just a little background on why I said that. Not everyone is open, I'm so pleased you're helping someone with this. You rock! It tickles me that this sharing was so successful...made my week! Thanks!

[F4lconF16]

12. In a plain brown paper bag!

Wouldn't want anyone to know who she was reading, would she? Ah well, too bad she missed out on one of life's greatest pleasures...I feel for the daughter though. Hopefully she figured it out on her own haha. Thanks! I'm glad I get the chance to open someone up to a bit of a new world, a bit more understanding

[xfundy]

5. jackinworld.com

Resources for both sexes there.

[F4lconF16]

9. Forgot about that site...

That's a heck of a resource. I know I've found some good stuff there before.

[ismnotwasm]

13. I was watching a video that gave a great explanation of the clitoral compound

Including a masterbation technique. I'll try to find it

[F4lconF16]

14. Thanks

Though I should probably clarify a bit. I think the techniques part is, to be honest, the easy part. To some extent that will come naturally, and I know of a couple good places to go for that. It's the overcoming-a-resistance-to-your-own-sexuality part that's going to be the challenge. Would you happen to know of anything that talks about accepting that masturbation is not a sin, that there is nothing wrong with being a sexual creature? It's not that the person I'm working with thinks that, but that there is a culture they grew up with that they've internalized to some extent. The good news is that they recognize that, but it still has to be overcome in order for them to feel comfortable with masturbating and getting to know themselves sexually. I'd like to be able to help them through the process. I kinda figured someone here has done something similar or has gone through something similar in the past, and would have either good readings or advice on how to discuss the matter and understand what they will be feeling and going through.

[ismnotwasm]

15. Let me think for a bit

A lot of feminist liturature covers this, Germaine Greer --who's kind of a pariah now with her transphobia, had some great stuff to say (so tragic she traveled down that road-- she had phenomenal work, and now is a bigot) I'm up trying to watch the first part of the eclipse, but I'll be sure to find something in the morning. Kind of tired, something inportant on the topic is eluding me

The more gentle, mystical feminisms or woman empowering thought from a spiritual angle also cover this--

[F4lconF16]

16. I'm actually reading through The Female Eunuch right now

I'm about a third or half of the way through at the moment. I don't think she's mentioned it yet, except maybe in passing. I'll see if I can find some other stuff from her.

Thanks for your help and take your time, there's certainly no rush. Hope you can see the eclipse--I thought you were in Seattle, and it's definitely super overcast in the U-district area at least.

[ismnotwasm]

18. I'm in SE Seattle

On a hill--I saw almost all of the first part.

Anyway, I still can't think of what I'm missing- it may in the more radical work, or even "Fear of Flying" by Erica Jong

I know your friend is an adult, but I found this little blurb, might be a good place to show how normal and natural it is.

First, let’s get the facts of life straight, then I will answer your question. Research going back 70 years shows that virtually all teens masturbate, and most continue throughout their lives. The number of women who masturbate is between 70% or 92%; with guys it is 98%. Anyone who says they have never masturbated is probably lying to you. Someone who says they don’t currently masturbate is probably lying as well.

The sexual health experts at Scarleteen have a ton of great, relevant and accurate information about masturbation, as well as every other sexual health topic.
Masturbation is as normal as eating and breathing for a human being. Unfortunately, religions of all kinds, Islam, Christianity, Buddhism, and Mormonism, among others, all try to tell teens that masturbation is a sin. The irony is that virtually all of those telling you not to masturbate do it or have done it themselves.

In the Christian Scriptures, there is little or nothing about masturbation. Some site Matthew 5: 28-29, but that is not specifically about masturbation. Many religionists site the story of Onan to show that “spilling your seed” is immoral. That is not what the story says. The story condemns Onan for not having sex with his dead brother’s wife. That was his sin. He “spilled his seed” because he did not want to have any children with her. It has nothing to do with masturbation. So even religious scriptures do not support the idea that masturbation is wrong.

http://kidswithoutgod.com/teens/ask/what-do-i-do-when-my-parents-freak-out-about-masturbation/

Oh--I just found this

Father Knows Best: Is masturbation a sin?

A sin is an act of selfishness, it’s an act of destructiveness. A sin is something that fractures your relationship with your neighbor, that makes you smaller and more angry and more afraid, that turns you away from the big love that the Christian tradition calls God. Unless your masturbation is pathological in nature — unless, Anthony, you are masturbating instead of going to work or washing the dishes or paying the bills — it doesn’t do any of those things.

Research and anecdotal experience alike tell us that masturbation is a healthy, normal, and just about universal way that people express their sexuality. And the Gospel witness is that, while Jesus spends a lot of time talking about how you and I treat poor people and sick people and prisoners and immigrants and strangers, he is entirely uninterested in the question of whether or not his disciples masturbate.

As more than one wise person has taught us (and as my friend Lauren reminded me – the next couple of paragraphs are more or less plagiarized from an email that Lauren sent me), if you want to make the world kinder, a pretty good way to begin is to be happy. Happiness includes giving yourself pleasure, it includes treating yourself kindly and lovingly. It includes self-pleasure of the sexual kind.

When we befriend our bodies and, in particular, when we befriend our sexual longings, we become more compassionate towards ourselves and towards others. When we touch ourselves with genuine pleasure rather than that horrible mixture of guilt, self-loathing, and compulsion that poisons so many of our experiences with sex, we are committing a radical act of love that is desperately needed in this broken world. When we touch ourselves with that genuine pleasure, we remember that God celebrates the body in the incarnation. Ron Rolheiser puts it this way: “in becoming flesh, God legitimizes skin, praises skin, enters it, honors it, caresses it, and kisses it.”

http://www.religionnews.com/2014/08/13/father-knows-best-masturbation-sin/

And oh my God there is some disgusting religious drivel about mastubation--no wonder your friend is having a hard time. Catholics condemn it as 'selfish'--didn't know that, but I'm not a practicing Catholic. Now I'm worried about my 16 year old grandson. Shit. Certain evangelical churches condemn it--this is unbelievable bullshit. Arrgh.
Ooh! Mary Roach--if you haven't read any of her books, you're missing a treat, she's a fabulous, funny science writer. The one on sex is "Bonk" because she's hilarious.

In those days, masturbation was termed onanism — after the Bible’s Onan, who spilled his semen on the ground and was slain by God for this sinful transgression — and condemned as “self-abuse.” Applying hot iron to a child’s body was, evidently, not abuse but the cure for “self-abuse.” But beyond this gobsmacking moral irony lies a biological one. Roach circles back to science:

The bitter irony here is that regularly spilling one’s seed serves a valuable biological function. [S]perm which sit around the factory a week or more start to develop abnormalities; missing heads, extra heads, shriveled heads, tapered and bent heads. All of which render them less effective and headbanging their way into an egg. [Sex psychologist Rob] Levin speculates that that’s why men masturbate so much: It’s an evolutionary strategy.

The point, of course, isn’t that evolution explains everything or that our ancestors were ignorant brutes, but that the true power of science lies in illuminating, rather than controlling or punishing, the human condition so that we can live more intelligently and more freely, driven by a desire to understand rather than a blind righteousness.
http://www.brainpickings.org/2014/03/12/mary-roach-bonk/

Ok one more--this looks like an older site design, but is packed full of good quotes.

"We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his
hands for masturbation." -- Lily Tomlin

Not only is it physically healthy but As one Christian said:
"Isn't it incredible that one of God's most beautiful gifts, masturbation, is held in such contempt by those who wear their religion on their arm. No one has ever become pregnant, impregnated someone, become diseased, or been physically harmed because of the act. I'd like to meet the person who has passed puberty without ever doing it."

Highlights From "Men's Health" Magazine
You are not insane. You are not blind. You have not grown hair on your palms. You are a completely competent member of society - despite all the times you've done it. Kinsey and the latest Sex in America report show there's a whole lot of shaking going on. Today's sex researchers have come to grips with the fact that masturbation has important physical and emotional benefits for both men and women.
http://www.libchrist.com/sexed/masturbation.html

[jakeXT]

17. Not much to add except some links

The already mentioned Betty Dodson has teamed up with Carlin Ross and they have a website and youtube channel.

https://www.youtube.com/user/carlincherrybomb

http://dodsonandross.com

I remember there used to be a website called cherrytv containing round table discussions with women and their experiences, it was broader and the website seems to be defunct.
But the videos are preserved on AOL.com

http://on.aol.com/partner/cherrytv-com-108199843

When it comes to religion/Christianity maybe Reverend Beverly Dale could be interesting. I have heard an interview with her but I don't know much more about her.
http://nerdist.com/sex-nerd-sandra-121-sex-jesus/

Reverend Beverly Dale is a published writer, vocalist, and performer, in addition to being an ordained minister. Her ministry has taken her from being a Pastor in a Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) parish in Illinois for 6 years to 21 years of campus ministry at the University of Pennsylvania. Now she tours her original theater piece "An Irreverent Journey from Eggbeaters to Vibrators" for largely secular audiences and leads workshops, usually within a Christian context

http://www.beverlydale.org/about/revbev/