I've had to go back to therapy and it's been really rough.
I've mentioned some of the sexual aspects of the traumas i've experienced in my life. That post is really just a part of a whole lot more. Violence, neglect and other varied traumas...I've had trouble "integrating" socially my entire adult life as a result. There had been a long period of time where i was able to maintain a somewhat comfortable existence, in spite of this, due to the support and understanding of my husband and children. We created a somewhat simple and calm "bubble" of our lives, for me to reside in, and i have been able to get by this way. We were careful to keep things known and secure. Lately, problems with finances have been forcing me outside of my "bubble" and i do not do well outside.
Nightmares are coming back. Insomnia from hyper-vigilance is wearing me down. I am increasingly irritable and agitated. I am emotionally exhausted and it is wearing me down physically.
I've had to take a deeper look at the way i function now, as a way to "survive", and it's been painful. I almost feel as if i am going to have to remove myself from therapy again because it just swirls up way too much that felt like it had finally settled.
I'm sorry if this isn't the place for this i am just feeling very overwhelmed lately and needed to share it with someone outside of my little circle. They deal with enough of my "stuff" already.
I do hope you are all finding some peace.
= new reply since forum marked as read
imo: The holidays usually trigger sadness for those of us who were abused.
It is starting to feel better.
Thanks for the encouragement.
I'm sorry i didn't reply right away. I'm just starting to feel right again...well MY right.
I gave birth to my last child 6 months ago and the post partum just made everything else so much more difficult. I'm still having trouble getting to sleep but i feel a lot more rested and together now that the baby is sleeping through the night. Broken sleep, on the back of hyper vigilant insomnia, is brutal.
It's been a real challenge breaking open all of my baggage again but i have been noticing that i feel relieved after i go out to see my therapist. It is a very good match and i know how important that is. At first i felt like i needed to just spill myself but increasingly, i feel more like going through my "now". I'm sure it'll come and go in waves, i'm used to that, but it is nice to get a breather.
I have been thinking a lot about all of you here. It is rare for me to seek out or participate in groups like this but i feel a type of bond with you all. I hope you are all finding peace and comfort in the new year so far. 
somewhat right again.
If you find something that helps stay with it. Use the relationship you've built with your therapist to keep you 'steady'. Once you put it all out there it feels like a big part of the 'baggage' has been lifted. Just being able to talk about is huge. So glad your doing that for yourself.
The end of this month is another year added to one of the attacks. At first I dreaded this time of year, now I do something really fun on that day. I spend it with people that love me and support me. The week or so before I clean out closets drawers whatever...symbolic of throwing out old stuff. If makes me feel good, it's therapeutic for me. Sounds a bit strange I'm sure, but it works for me. I will also lose myself in a book that helps a lot too.
You will find all kinds of things that help you and hopefully everyday it'll get easier.
I wish you peace!
Happy New Year!
p.s. Enjoy your little one, they grow up so fast. My baby is graduating from college on Sunday. 
(happy & sad tears)
It's been going very well. We've moved on to more current concerns, for the most part. I know that it'll all come in waves, i have enough of a history with this type of thing, but i'm grateful that all of the heightened emotion has been settling back down.
I really appreciate your advice about the types of rituals we can do. I agree with you about giving my living space a good "clean". It's something i didn't know how to manage when i was younger but now, i have a couple of times i year when i really "clean house". It helps me feel freer. So much less burden and when i am less bogged down i have more strength to face anything.
Congratulations on your child's graduation!!! And thank you for being such an encouraging presence on this forum. I suspect you've helped people here in ways you might never know.