Scapegoated for reporting

[MutantAndProud]

How many of you have seen instances where sociopaths pile on because a target is consider easy prey?

[MutantAndProud]

2. That makes sense

I wish you well on your side of that journey… mine never ceases to amaze me

[jfz9580m]

3. Thanks

Last edited Sun Oct 29, 2023, 03:55 AM - Edit history (1)

They are basically cowards and I don't back down to creeps once I can keep my shit together..which I can now.

I wish you all the best on yours . The good thing is that the more you fight back, the less other women will have to put up with this shit.

And I refuse to change my behaviors and veil
myself and move into a bloody nunnery to avoid harassment from second rate minds with dated views.
(Edit: I am removing what I don't delete from my journal since I do not like to waste my mind or journal on creeps beyond what is necessary to acknowledge the nuisance of creeps).

[MutantAndProud]

4. Shining light on the situation

Does take a bit of effort and mental stamina, I documented for over a year and now they’re starting to claim victimhood because I wasn’t passive about finding contradictions. I take that as a good sign…

[MutantAndProud]

7. Shoshana Zuboff is correct

Our system now is completely different from what it was in 2012, and 2008, 2007, 2001… 1999/2000.

I lost my anonymity due to it being forced. There is no way to undo that now, but de-anonymizing me was not something I take lightly and I am not afraid of bringing things as public as necessary to put an end to this and force the conversation into the public, as corrupt as some of the modern forums are.

Funnily enough, I was at a bar the other week during a rare visit out for Pride and someone forcibly downloaded Pokémon Go onto my phone without my knowledge or consent… I suppose to let me know they’re nearby and fully capable of remote control of the networks, for now. They will be found out.

Thank you for offering your words of support and encouragement.

[jfz9580m]

10. Sorry

I deleted other posts in this thread and others (save for one other post) due to ongoing worries about security. I am just keeping this one post to mention the harassment by the creeps outside on my street-aggressively driving bikes at all hours of the night (with the silencers out) and even showing up at my house and asking for me etc. It is harassment pushing the boundaries of what can barely be reported.

I find it unpleasant and draining to think about this shit so I try not to when I can help it.

Nov 2: The creeps are in extra overtly aggressive mode where I live. But I am not despairing this time.

[jfz9580m]

14. Yeah it is horrible where I live

Last edited Thu Feb 8, 2024, 04:11 AM - Edit history (2)

Absolute misogynists and sociopaths..I am glad the Me Too movement exists. Believe Women is such a powerful statement..that too when society is this bassackwards..

It is not everyone obviously but there are the real aggressive jerks and creeps but well I can handle them. Women have to get tough. It is hard because there are a lot of not very well off men where I live who are just trying to get by , but there are aggressive men of all classes who just don’t get it…

This is actually pretty bang on:
https://www.alternet.org/2015/08/im-tired-being-kind-creepy-men-order-stay-safe-0

So I am now a toughened middle aged woman who takes on the creeps and backs off where people are not creeps, but I am never again backing down against ANY creep. Take your gamified drivel elsewhere and leave all of us just leading our lives alone-that is how I feel.

[MutantAndProud]

16. I think the coercive elements have definitely caused it to get worse

It’s nauseating. I have nausea for medical reasons as well but that’s not the point. I’ve seen it all my life. I’m not a woman but as a small guy and an easily preyed upon one I’ve had an insane amount of predators target me. They are so consistently broken I don’t even know where to start. I don’t actually advocate for wanton mass-tranquilizing (See Firefly and Serenity…) since I try to adhere to scientific principles and take each individual as they are… but there are so many weaseling their way into places they don’t belong. A lot of them don’t even know how to bond, they just turn into flocks of flying monkeys. I’ve sometimes been called out for mocking it instead of simply denouncing it but honestly neither approach actually works, they’re broken and keep breaking other systems and new generations ad nauseum. I’ve started working with someone to talk about the stress of it and set new goals. Leaving is an option… staying has cost me in a lot of ways.

[MutantAndProud]

19. It's a major export right now

The global deregulation paired with coercion is not an accident, it’s the precursor to, basically, the new phase of the Nazi movement. With an increase in population comes an increase in potential recruits and people to beat down and deprive. The authoritarian communists aren’t any better. So, yeah, definitely standing my ground. Much like in WW2, sometimes they only respond to being taken out of power. There are more atrocities to uncover from the internet era’s fog of war, and things are not always as they seem when you don’t have a bird’s eye view. Old/bad compromises and radicalism of many varieties are a lifelong struggle we’re going to have to deal with.

[MutantAndProud]

22. Stackexchange is pretty nice for clues and answers

I agree it’s nothing unique to one party or country… working on making peace with it being a natural occurrence and figuring out a plan to relocate somewhere more private away from this toxic crowd. There just isn’t much else to do besides making reports, gathering evidence when possible, and being a ‘squeaky wheel’ if necessary.

[jfz9580m]

23. Well..

Last edited Sat Mar 2, 2024, 01:22 AM - Edit history (2)

In my experience, I prefer to avoid people not because people are toxic but because I almost never share most people’s interests or worldviews.
Certainly I get very freaked out in anything filled with lots of people. But I don’t know..

The world on tv or in social media looks horrible. But those are also other people’s lives. If one is not one of the worst off people in the world, you have the choice I suppose of avoiding annoying stuff to some extent.

I am not world police-so if people want to go around doing various things I consider drivel, it is fine as long as my home, street and life are not involved. I have no taste for policing other people. But they cannot have their hideous things going off in my home unless I am cool with it.

That is why group decisions alarm me. Look at what most people seem to be into..look at the planet. A bunch of overcrowded malls and other hellscapes. And that is what most people do for fun! Most people consider going to the mall fun not an ordeal..

I suppose I am a bit of a misanthrope ;-/. But at least I am not a bigot..it is pretty evenly spread across all groups ;-/..At least I strive to and pull off hating everyone equally ;-/
I have always felt a bit apologetic about never having been able to pull off liking our own species more. But well..we do make it pretty hard.

I am not a nutter-it is not as if I am the Unabomber. I can pull off seeming normal enough at a distance ;-/. It is just that our overcrowded world always alarms me. It is not entirely a political thing. I like Nicholas Carr’s writing and he is certainly more conservative than I am.

Long before I read Zuboff, maybe I instinctively felt that far away from academic science or medicine, it would be a bad idea if industrial giants have too much sway and without much public debate. I still feel that way.
Otoh I am not a very dynamic person so I don’t want to be in public debates directly. I figure Candide’s “tend your own garden” is likelier to be my preference where people don’t aggressively encroach looking for some shit to stir up..”sleuthing” or something really sad like that.

I don’t really have any problems with the non profit sciences and that is really my path. Or something else. Shrug..

These days if security is poor enough, it would be trivial for a “white hat” or “black hat” to find one’s location even if one posts anonymously on the net. So that is why it is important that people with access to stuff get that it is stalking to hunt for people’s locations and show up at their houses to see if people are bots or humans etc. That is not a game..that is just a sign that databases are leaky to the point of being ransomware.
But well one has to throw out such drivel and carry on.
Upto a point the rather dystopian world of 2024 has this much in common with the world before tech regulation (as I see it) lagged even other poorly regulated areas..that you still have the choice of ignoring stuff that cannot encroach beyond a point.

Otoh I have mixed feelings..I suppose I don’t really have many fascistic leanings so I prefer to deal with people who are better than this at self policing. I have always felt that large corporations etc should be regulated but human individuals should be trusted to self regulate where the whetting is not so poor that people are completely clueless. I wish people would learn and not repeat mistakes. It is all I aspire to..

For instance I have worked on publically funded research in the US. So that makes me answerable to something like the ORI. That is legit. I would never object to the ORI. But anything or anyone else would definitely need to answer some questions themselves before piling on. As anyone in a democracy knows, no one is above rules. But if you have questions about people’s mental health etc., that is getting dicey.

I am as sane as anyone else..but well I am short tempered and when I am stuck in my work to begin with and then everything becomes all annoying best case and creepy worst case..I mean honestly..

I was never a very good scientist. But I am starting to think that on the whole my people skills are significantly worse than even my science skills 🙄.

I sometimes think I should just spare any human eyes the horrifying spectacle of “jfz9580m tries to pass for a normal person with normal views” 🙄 and just stay offline.i am entirely nonviolent and not prone to self or other harm. I just like space. Not space exploration..distance from most people except close friends. I used to be able to pass for reasonably normal-only people who knew me very well would know I am eccentric. But these days and post pandemic our lives are all too messily intertwined. I don’t like it…

I think that “if you have nothing to hide” stuff is such bs. Even if you have nothing malicious to hide, you may have a fugly, inelegant and unbeautiful life and not precisely be self loathing so much as not so daft as to not get that it is a reality show headspace to put all your dysfunction on display.
I cannot claim to be one of those souls of such refinement that even if I were doing something cool (mainly good work) I wouldn’t want people to know. Like most people I like being associated with good work or worthwhile things if I contributed. But no - I cannot see ever making a scene and a spectacle as something of any value in itself.

It is why I disapprove of that sort of stuff. But well I now understand the dynamics of these things. If you ignore it where the nuisance is not in your life, it will go away. And they are welcome to be annoying in their own spaces.

[MutantAndProud]

24. It happens

I agree with a lot of what you say. My situation is slightly different, I actually enjoy being around people and sometimes certain crowds incognito, on the other hand groups have intentionally encroached into my life and personal spaces in very invasive ways making it nearly impossible to live while being fishbowled.

[jfz9580m]

25. Yeah

Last edited Sat Mar 2, 2024, 08:14 AM - Edit history (1)

I get you..I am always for deescalation myself as long as I can work. I just had this paper I was working on get a little easier and I feel more optimistic.
There is nothing worse than struggling with basic concepts in your own field and then going “okay wtf is this now?”. I really am okay with the number of sciences I am failing at, at the moment. I think I have reached capacity re: interdisciplinary fields I am failing in ;-/.

I can cope with life if I treat anything I deal with like a shared use instrument with some actually sane structure not a hideous amorphous, senseless mess.

Good talking to you mutant and proud. I have to go offline to build a less hideous life…shrug..

And rarely (once in a blue moon in the world at large but usually fairly typically in stuff I tend to like) things can actually be cool. I’d like to get back to that. I liked my life up to July 2011 pretty well. Then life got all incomprehensible …shrug..
Now it is more comprehensible provided one avoids most things, which was how I lived before.

I am generally pretty sure that 95% of the stuff out there would annoy me and that makes me a very annoying person if I cannot pick my way through society avoiding pretty much everything except some things I can be sure I would not find annoying or be super annoying in. I am always failing at the stuff that doesn’t annoy me. It is all hideous.

A shared use instrument and not breaking one-that I understand.

[jfz9580m]

26. Well your comment about sleuths made me think

Last edited Sun Mar 3, 2024, 12:43 PM - Edit history (5)

I saw this today and that made me think
https://www.vox.com/future-perfect/24086809/fake-cancer-research-data-scientific-fraud

I have engaged in publically funded scientific research and have always recognised the huge responsibility that carries. Anyone who has any questions about my work is more than welcome to call me out on it.

I have above all no investment in putting bad science out there. My general take based on most scientists I have seen in the natural sciences (and these are all people with no financial investments etc. so that may self select for more disinterested research) is that people care about their work and any errors are just errors-and it is never people not giving a shit about what they put out there.

But that aside..well..I mean ..I am not exactly proud of my generally unbeautiful progress through life 🙄. It is not as if someone’s private alcoholism is anyone’s business. I am not a big fan of interventions because someone seems like a drunk etc. People get over being a drunk etc in their own time. In my case, increasing awareness that alcohol is a carcinogen did more than any intervention. Shrug…

And besides I am sober..well mostly anyway..now. I have a legally valid prescription for mj.

Shrug. Zuboff had mentioned this in her book. That people become suspicious of legitimate authority in highly surveilled and crassly mercenary spaces where social trust is low.

Where I disagree with Zuboff is about solutions involving art etc. I saw some guy trying to criticize some big tech co by snarling traffic or something. That is just attention seeking.


It is one reason I have decided to be careful and keep my temper. There is the non transparency of corruption or sleaziness. Then there is the recognition that human society is largely super annoying -it really is…malls, social media, weddings, shopping and celebrities and so on. I don’t know how people find that shit not annoying ..but anyway..my point is there is hiding from society because you are doing something wrong and there is also hiding from society because (to be blunt about it) society largely consists of far too many people engaged in far too many super annoying things). The world is so pushy and overcrowded and cluttered with crap tech by now that you don’t have to be Greta Garbo to never feel alone enough.

The ori or any data sleuths are always fine by me. I think there are these truly braindead notions that people hold -probably derived from corporate lawyers-which perpetuates drivel along the lines that women who do poor work will bring up gender or race if called out on poor work (that is I think how lawyers who are just familiar with litigation think). No decent scientist defends poor work by bringing in politics. Aside from anything else, it really is not a matter of mere opinion. There is objectively good work or work of average quality or work of low quality.

While there is no misconduct in my work, I have always been aware that my own work is of very indifferent quality (that was something I thought privately and was obvious to anyone who knew me), but I have been trying to get better but it is uphill all the time. It is why I am still working on a follow up paper to work from 15 years ago. I think I got slightly better at a glacial pace but then things got super annoying.

I am not kidding when I say that while my science work is not of very good quality, on the whole my people skills are even worse. It is all very tiresome. But I can at least fix the science part now. I can submit this paper in a year and move on. I have given up on the people part..too exhausting. I find people fatiguing and annoying as a rule..I went into the non profit sciences or come to a few forums like these where the likelihood of finding less annoying stuff is higher.


My own efforts at self correction aside I hope these sleuthing types don’t go and harass my colleagues because I am leading a dysfunctional life on my own always thinking about creeps and so on..
Pretty much all my colleagues were essentially decent people. I would hate for my dysfunction to mean that some creeps go and harass them because I am too much of a sad sack for it to be much fun even annoying me.
I don’t see why I would make up such stuff..it is not as if I have anything to gain by that honestly. But the internet has made it easy for these people who go around making pests of themselves to target and annoy people either pure trolling or out of misguided self righteousness or whatever.


Such vigilante types are welcome to harass me alone if they think someone leading a quiet ish life trying to work in isolation is somehow an affront to whatever the fuck… I disliked one institution I worked at and that not the science parts ..it was more the part of the world it was in and the place as a whole..like a prison crossed with a marketplace and a mall 🙄-I have mentioned how I feel about malls. This sort of tacky nouveau riche (not that old riche isn’t tacky..I suppose the rich are generally tacky) place ..blah..

Anyway so much stuff out there is such bs. At least I worked in a real science. When I look at that stuff mentioned in that article. All that business management and psychology stuff is so bullshitty anyway…dishonest versus honest bullshit-who cares? It is all bullshit. It figures that it is the kind of drivel that attracts attention unlike good solid science with no “people” aspect to it..That research mentioned in that article is just the sort of stuff I always roll my eyes over..it is a bit like that Neri Oxman’s work. Or okay no..not like Neri Oxman’s -her bullshit is of a different type.

I sometimes look dourly at stuff like that and think that okay, I might be the worst scientist in my own field but at least it is a real science and not some vague drivel that is all hyped up and full of management speak about decisions and blah blah. I suppose it is better to be the worst scientist in an actual science than at the top of your field in something that is such bullshit peddled by those business management types..I am not saying that everything that is not one of the natural sciences is bullshit. I respect legitimate social and psychological etc sciences. But this sort of stuff..I associate it with those seminars those ..blah..


Anyway thanks for listening mutant and proud. I am going to stay offline for a long time and finish this paper I was stuck on but getting less so..in the meantime I hope no “sleuth” shows up to check on the crazy lady slash bot slash whatever the fuck ..🙄 I suppose I am a sleuth to the extent that I sleuth my own work. Policing other people never had any appeal for me..

[MutantAndProud]

27. It's not abnormal to become-

-sensitive to repeat stimuli. But I am in the same position. My methodology exposed the stimuli sources as needed and I rolled that back upon completion. I won’t say it’s ’all good’ (as you say, that would be bullshitting myself and you etc), because technology is leveraging the worst aspects of humanity. But it is a good choice to follow your gut feeling if withdrawing from some social zones reduces exposure to toxicity. They’ll always exist in some way or another. Unless you have specific people you want to stay in touch with or have to get through a few professional steps to tie up loose ends there’s really no harm in moving on to a different area.

[jfz9580m]

28. Well it depends

Last edited Mon Mar 4, 2024, 09:22 PM - Edit history (2)

Sometimes I am not even that sure (except with a tangible real world male creep which only happens now and then..or some aggressive and pushy greasebag) that stuff is toxic etc.

Sometimes I wonder if miscommunication can make much ado out of nothing. Ie where there really is no problem.

Which would make sense since I dislike communication (as you can probably tell from these tedious rants which I dislike rereading or manicuring). I prefer to hit post and go offline.


I get frustrated if I am in incomprehensible stuff..and I always find people a bit fatiguing.

I take my scientific research seriously. (That is my real work and real life which I would have preferred to keep entirely offline normally. I was only ever online to anonymously trash politicians and billionaires. I never even tweeted. I don??t like any type of internet parade/spectacle …yeeeesh).

However, for all that I take my work seriously, I was not a very good scientist. My basic education was not that great and then I switched fields. I am not excusing myself. I am just saying that I worked in some really good labs. And I always knew I was the weak link, but I was trying. It is frustrating..you are always going to have some sad sacks who attempt science as well.

It is all hideous..I mean good god…you are a sad sack to begin with and you publish work and then you are not sure it is of good quality..it is not even as if it was publish or perish in my labs. That was not the labs I worked in, but my mentors did not micromanage people..it is so we find their own feet. But I didn’t. A type of decent pi sacrifices the peace of mind that comes from going over everything a trainee does not out of sloppiness, but due to the understanding that it fosters independence and implies trust in your trainees to give them some leeway.

It is my failure that I was not up to par, but I have tried really hard to fix that and I would like to just quietly submit my work and move on. I have been working on a follow up paper to my work since 2009.

But then I lost my shit in a place and was sent to mental health -it is not anyone’s fault. Everyone was decent enough. The shrink and therapist they had me see were decent and more importantly not at all moronic. And the counsellor was a straight up decent and cool person. But the whole experience was awful-there is nothing as lame and moronic as those places. You read these just idiotic scripts on mental health and it is such a cliche..You keep wondering what second rate made-for-tv movie your life has descended into? I mean that is a stereotype-real life should never resemble (second rate) fiction ;-/.

But sometimes people lose their shit…I have always had a regrettably short temper and though I tried to conceal it, in the abstract I am a bit of misanthrope. It is not personal or malicious at all. It is just that I had identified the few things in human society that are minimally pointless and hideous like the non profit natural sciences. (They are hard and there is a lot of competition but they are objectively, unambiguously worthwhile). And then I lost the plot..And I really lost faith in everything after the mental health shit. It was so inane. Up until that point, science/medicine etc-these are the grounding, non bullshit, stabilising things in life as opposed tp politics, social media or just about any of the bs that fuels large swathes of human life. It is like David Graeber’s bullshit job world -jobs that even people who do them think are bullshit.

But well..I am not mentally ill and never was. It is not something that one can prove, but it is also pretty hard to insist using (what looks to my layman eyes anyway like) a dusty and dated DSM that someone is actually insane without violating all sorts of professional standards. I don’t see how you can just look at text and data (emails, web use etc and conclude that this pattern or that is indicative of mental illness rather than eccentricity for instance..). Human life requires a lot of context, common sense and cultural understanding. Shrug..I was annoyed for years about potentially being considered mentally ill on top of everything else -can’t I just be kind of incompetent 🙄? I definitely don’t want to be humanised etc so the options are incompetent fuck up or mentally unwell. I”d take incompetent fuck up-it has been fairly true to date and therefore has some connection to reality.

I think that stuff about the stigma of mental health has become a chestnut and overshot - surely they should be careful in ascribing depression, addiction, delusion etc. to people who may actually be perfectly normally outside a system that is dead bent on ascribing pathologies to human behavior rather than attributing things to more straightforward causes. A lot of people drink excessively at some point in their lives and many move on from that without AA or any intervention. Most people have private flaws - before this awful big data drivel became a thing it would have remained private dysfunction they get over. I get exasperated over the common sense free drivel around such things. It is such blatant bs. As if med students themselves don’t party hard while practicing harm reduction. But once you are looked at through the lens of pathology everything looks like a disease…

And there are so many of these sleazy data mining firms-that awful MIT media lab itself spun off some-Cogito, Humanyze..Which also peddle these health apps etc.

And once people think you have a mental health issue it is all bullshit from there on. And then creeps etc sometimes pile on. No one can ever really “prove” they are sane. And creeps think that a mentally ill person is basically easier prey (ie they are stupid enough to buy bs at any rate). That is a conclusion I have come to from my own “observations” about our species..

And anyway all this happened to me at a time when these data sciences and big data (and now I guess ai) were also coming into their own. Which means that now it is always “oh great-so now am I basically making more crap data that makes me seem like a paranoid schizophrenic because I cannot sometimes be bothered to spell out what I mean?”

I wouldn’t mind if it was solid good science. But no one who cares about their own work is going to be happy about being in something that could be shoddy when they are already aware that they were themselves a subpar scientist (who is trying to fix that even if it is taking forever)..

I don’t know at this point if I will ever be a good scientist..but at least I know I will complete this paper.

I really wonder about people like these:

https://www.vox.com/future-perfect/2023/8/9/23825966/francesca-gino-honesty-research-scientific-fraud-defamation-harvard-university

https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2023/10/09/they-studied-dishonesty-was-their-work-a-lie

Anyway statistical significance with P values is only the beginning if you are actually trying to come up with a detailed model for something you are working on..and they would be very easy to manipulate. If someone’s work is that shallow I don’t know where it goes..what I usually find is that as you become at least somewhat better at science you keep noticing your own errors more and more. So if you just manipulate P values etc, I don’t understand what foundation there is to even build on. Do you just then keep fabricating more and more? The reason that science is considered self correcting is because you will yourself find the errors in your work if you start off with a bad assumption. At least the science I have seen that is good science starts off with a simple model and builds more and more sophisticated understanding of a problem on top of that. I don’t get how just publishing a bunch of drivel and mangling the P values will..how would you even keep anything straight? This is not really about image and people. If your stuff is riddled with errors in many sciences you will eventually fail under the weight of the errors.

I am not that sold on the idea that scientific misconduct is that easy even if people were sleazy enough to want to fake stuff. This stuff in those articles is probably easy to fake because it is such drivel to begin with..

This stuff that makes a lot of money, sells those moronic pop best sellers, goes into TeD tech talks (not real respectable social or psychological science, but the stuff in those stories), the basic work itself seems so bullshitty that who even cares about an added layer of data fraud. It is all such bs. I think actual behavioural scientists would probably agree.

I also think that claiming that all science is riddled with fraud etc gives you a low bar to then go and surveill and harass all sorts of crappy small time scientists like me. So when you see so much concern about honesty etc from people who work in data and surveillance-I can see why it is in their interest to represent all other people as dishonest and in need of policing. I don’t see too many people taking on very well-heeled large giant companies..not that I care about this Gino or Ariely and Data Colada. At the very least they all deserve each other. (Edit: actually after reading that Vox article again Gino sounds like a nightmare..invoking title 9 and starting lawsuits because her work was challenged and apparently credibly. I have never heard of Data Colada but they sound like the sympathetic party in this case. As a sadsack who is pretty far from ever being in position to call out anyone else and usually expects to be called out rather, I am not overfond of vigilante policing-I suppose I prefer self policing being encouraged over other policing, but these guys seem like the more sympathetic party here. That is not cool to intimidate them with lawsuits etc for calling out bad work.)

Again I am not ever saying that calling out bad science is wrong. I am just not a fan of heavy policing and surveillance of employees etc. That is just demoralising. I get that it doesn’t go with the whole self righteous spiel of ..I don’t know..it is all such bs.

I don’t know I can answer questions around my own work and that is all. In my case I was using an assay that I felt I didn’t understand that well and I finally have a better model for it. You don’t need to use P values and shady methodologies if you have a decent enough model, back it up and submit it which I now can. I came up with an analysis method now that I like much better than my initial analysis and I can conceivably submit it soon. I have just been trying to make sure that this time around I have a deep enough understanding of all the concepts in the paper.


Some of us are just trying to make sure that our science is good..I don’t get what satisfaction there is in putting a whole bunch of stuff riddled with holes out there. That is not how people think about their work in my experience. But then anytime anything involves people it invariably gets super annoying :-/.

That is not weighing in on the human versus bot drivel so much as about size. I can’t stand t large chaotic things filled with all sorts of shit going off..I prefer to take my own chaos away and bring some order to at least my chaos before I have to deal with a whole bunch of stuff I don’t get.

But well I always think that if someone ever has any reason to call me out, I should be careful not to call them a creep because that is a cop out. Creeps are a separate issue and one’s issues are a separate thing.

It is not that local to me or in US, I have had that much trouble with people. I don’t mind addressing anything I should. But yeah..I do find society as a whole too damn hideous to. Good God the one thing about the sciences in general is that they are so hard and dull that that alone means you get rid of most human interest right there and then you can have some peace and quiet. I am not saying I do anything amazing with peace and quiet often..I may just watch Netflix but I do like to meet as few people as possible irl and deal with people minimally. Usually not something people admit to if they want to live in society. Because we all want some transactions in society but well I do like to keep them to a minimum. Just colleagues and friends. Hideous…

[jfz9580m]

29. Btw

Last edited Mon Mar 4, 2024, 02:13 PM - Edit history (1)

Your stuff may not be bullshit. I was talking more in the abstract. I kinda get where you are coming from (I think..vaguely anyway). Sometimes you have to do unpleasant work to highlight issues etc. At its best that is the core of ethical hacking etc I suppose. I am not that close minded -well except when you see stuff which you know is drivel or bs. It is case by case. One can only be sure with the specifics.

Sometimes I look back at some rant of mine and delete it in case someone innocuous takes it personally. I may be thinking about some awful hideous creep who anyway would be certain that they are twenty kinds of amazing! And instead someone inoffensive might feel hurt on the off chance that they read something rude (like I usually feel is someone trashes vegans or stoners or greens ;-/ ). That is the issue with online rants. Most of mine are about large and impersonal things that affect my life in subtle ways rather than specific attacks.

Anyway I am going to be offline to fix my life. Good luck to you too..maybe things will work out for a change. I am sick of things always breaking and so on..

[jfz9580m]

30. Blah

I looked briefly at these posts and considered deleting them but meh..who cares..

Anyone who would be interested in this long tedious rant probably really has way too much time on their hands.. People are hideous..always snooping and gossiping and seeking lurid shit. That is what I have noticed in my observation of the species irl. That if you maintain distance with people things almost always work out okay. You get closer and with most people it turns into some hideous and importantly really boring crap.

I liked science because the colleagues I did have were cool and not like that.

I would prefer it if none of my internet rants on obscure message boards (that is not dissing DU-I think obscure is cool unlike the standard issue garbage social media sites..) were seen by anyone known to me..I largely consider the internet and the real world two entirely separate spaces which should never meet. I only ever even had a Facebook page for about a year or two because everyone else was getting one. I could never get into it. Disinhibition irl seems horrifying to me.

But at the end of the day really..if someone I know casually has so little of a life that they would find this stuff worth reading (and not out of legitimate concern but just to pile on), maybe they need this drivel more than I need to protect it.


I would prefer it if no one cool saw this shit, but wrt the people I used to worry about more seriously-the excessively familiar gossips and pills, fuck em..who cares? They can knock themselves out as long as they do it in their own damn spaces and maybe consider getting a life…At least I doubt that creeps will bother me again..And anything else is a nuisance one can ignore. I have never liked excessive familiarity from most strangers..It is one thing if it is a colleague -peer support, but it is icky from randoms.

I am moving on…

Edit: I always feel guilty about any admission of misanthropy..after all off and on people are cool. It is just impossible to tell without seeing people. I think a lot of the humans versus ai debate misses the point- it is not that humans are always better than ai or vice versa. Which humans and what quality of ai and why is the important factor. The people I have in my life (even what are called weak ties) that I retain are generally cool. I may never be inclined to spend much time except solitarily if I can help it but well..that is something human adults adjust to. That is the spectrum of human personality. It is not about misanthropy per se. My misanthropy is more about the mindlessness we often display as a species whether it is ott consumerism or violence.

But with increasing amounts of ai etc being distributed..it does become important..which humans? Is it a faceless corporate giant? If so is at least the person I would deal with cool? Etc. There are many humans I would like to avoid outright..people I do consider sleazy, conniving or aggressive or ultimately too annoying to endure etc. But there are also plenty of genuinely straightforward people. That is not annoying. It is sleazy, conniving and pushy that is objectionable when you cannot throw it out. I have no patience with conniving stuff. It is a human skill adults used to have before everything became all excessively open to be tactful without being sleazy..no one wants to hurt feelings. That is a jerk thing.

I don’t like the world we are building in 2024. Too overcrowded and hideous.

[jfz9580m]

32. Well this is truly going to be my last post for a long time

Last edited Thu Mar 7, 2024, 01:50 AM - Edit history (6)

How can you miss me if I never leave heh ;-/?

I have deleted some of the other posts..it is unpleasant stuff to dwell on. I am a solid Me Too supporter but I do believe in keeping conflict to what is necessary and not more than that. It is not as if I have met any Harvey Weinsteins etc. Some of my stress responses to what I at least perceived at various points as creepy shit is more a reaction to how dystopian some of the systems being built are than specific people.

I probably also overreacted a few times. Not that I want anything alarming or creepy or sketchy etc. It is just that I am not sure sometimes whether stuff is actually creepy or just annoying/dated and kinda moronically conservative, which is not precisely the same thing. When you are sure of your rights you don’t constantly worry that they will be violated somehow. I suppose I am trying to get back to being sure of my rights.

If systems seem somewhat dystopian, unfair, dishonest and disruptive as a whole, it exacerbates stress responses to things that could merely be more minor creepy annoyances one moves past quickly, knowing that they cannot affect you or your life much. It is when something that is not very reassuring seems inescapable that people react badly and find it hard to move on from all of life’s downs.

Good luck to you mutant and proud. Maybe there isn’t really a problem. I had a couple of bad experiences that triggered an atypically paranoid and self-absorbed state in me -that is only starting to fade slowly in the last two years. I mean I still get paranoid whenever I mix up the world on social media or tv and real life. I like to avoid all the stuff I find kinda hideous and I lost my way somehow. I startle easily around external chaos. People who have a lot of chaos in their private lives (and sadly I am one) seek stable and non chaotic/non sleazy things in their dealings with the outside world.

The theory is always that one day I will get my own chaos and work under control. But if a chaotic person is in some sort of move-fast-and-break-shit environment their world falls apart.

Before this bad patch of my life I lead a pretty uneventful life and people were generally cool. This was atypical.

It will probably go back to that. After a bad period in my life, I spent a lot of time alone working on a paper and brooding on the general hideousness of everything. Not seeing many real people, having miscommunications with some and brooding and following only news etc. That is never good because for the more lucky, middle class, white collar people out there, their actual lives are going to be less atrocious than the world in tv etc. which selects for what is awful.

I was at my hospital today and I generally find hospitals reassuring except for the one time my mom fell terminally ill (which is a shitty situation -though she had a great oncologist and generally good nurses and care-it is a shitty disease. Anyway life is pretty tough for nurses and doctors). I generally find doctors and scientists fairly easy to deal with.

It is when I don’t know wth I am doing and I start to worry that I am around stuff where no one else might either that I start to lose it. I mean I am dysfunctional..do I need chaotic stuff I cannot even understand?

Maybe in a year or so things will look better once I turn this paper in. Of course with my luck I suppose around then I will discover that I have 15 horrible diseases or something 🙄.
I definitely startle easily around the unknown.

I certainly think there is something to that Surprise Minimization theory this cog psychologist Karl Friston talks about. I have had a far too surprising life in the last 12 years in some ways. I would be very happy with a dully uneventful future. I definitely think it takes the average person a long time to acclimate to the Sartre’s No Exit world in a way if you are suddenly thrown into it. The world is certainly different now from what it was in say 2011..big data, social media, ai, pandemic…
Certainly one unfortunate effect of the No Exit world is it can induce a form of learned helplessness I suppose-where people do feel like these pointless insignificant cogs in machines they largely have no say in. I wouldn’t call it a childlike headspace so much as giving up and becoming entirely indifferent. It has taken me a long time to get over that slowly. It definitely helps if systems at least seem more responsive to distress in useful ways than useless ones (e.g.: coercive stuff). I am so jaded I’ll take even the illusion of responsiveness -as long as I can carry on with my priorities.

Oh well..I have acclimated as much as I can I suppose..

I just want peace ✌️☮️. Let’s hope I can find it..I do find my work soothing when I can work in solitude..I do try to avoid distracting and to me at least somewhat alarmingly chaotic hellscapes ;-/. I like order and structure. Because a lot of the chaos out there..it is not even good chaos..I am not talking about forcing people to lead prim, perfect lives. I am taking more of the kind of chaos resulting from greed, corruption, deregulation, dark ages views etc. As I said, my own life is chaotic 🙄.
I like to avoid the worst versions of order (kinda fascistic, a little conniving and high surveillance etc) with the worst kinds of chaos (disruption, deregulation, corruption, dark ages thinking, shallowness).

Edit: anyway I edited out anything negative. Even wrt tech or industry, there would be unambiguously cool or decent people who work with the kinds of academia that I am most familiar and comfortable with so no point in going off on some people one will fortunately never know who are in the tv and media world-which largely consists of people I at least would not want to know.
I will put an end to this seemingly endless dirge ( 🙄 ) with that and go finish up my paper and move on…and try to be a better scientist..