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Moostache's Journal
Moostache's Journal
April 8, 2020

This has been stuck in my head for days...(MCR)

My Chemical Romance
Welcome to the Black Parade

I was never a big fan of theirs back in the 2000-2012-ish era, but right now, I feel the need to put a fist in the fucking air and just emote...

When I was a young boy
My father took me into the city
To see a marching band
He said, "Son, when you grow up
Would you be the savior of the broken
The beaten, and the damned?"

He said, "Will you defeat them
Your demons and all the non-believers?
The plans that they have made?
Because one day, I'll leave you
A phantom to lead you in the summer
To join the black parade"

In particular this section of the song brings tears to my eyes in light of what we're living through and also rage in my heart at the same...

Sometimes I get the feelin'
She's watchin' over me
And other times I feel like I should go
And through it all, the rise and fall
The bodies in the streets
And when you're gone, we want you all to know

We'll carry on, we'll carry on
And though you're dead and gone, believe me
Your memory will carry on
We'll carry on
And in my heart, I can't contain it
The anthem won't explain it

A world that sends you reeling
From decimated dreams
Your misery and hate will kill us all
So paint it black and take it back
Let's shout it loud and clear
Defiant to the end, we hear the call

To carry on
We'll carry on
And though you're dead and gone, believe me
Your memory will carry on
We'll carry on
And though you're broken and defeated
Your weary widow marches on

The ending section of the song does the same to me right now...

Do or die, you'll never make me
Because the world will never take my heart
Go and try, you'll never break me
We want it all, we wanna play this part
I won't explain or say I'm sorry
I'm unashamed, I'm gonna show my scars
Give a cheer for all the broken
Listen here, because it's who we are
I'm just a man, I'm not a hero
Just a boy, who had to sing this song
I'm just a man, I'm not a hero
April 1, 2020

Had a long conversation with my dad last night...

He is 77 years old and in relatively good health compared to my mother, who at 75 has been a 6 time cancer survivor over the past 17 years. They are traveling / fleeing Florida to return to our family home in Indiana off of Lake Michigan. They are literally going from the frying pan in Florida to the fire between Detroit on the east and Chicago on the west and running the gauntlet of FL, GA, TN, KY and IN to get there.

My mom is too scared to stay in Florida. She is having panic attacks and despite near total social isolation since February, she is convinced she is going to die from this and doesn't want to do so away from 'home'. My sister and I begged them to stay put, to not take the risk of travelling cross-country at this time...but they would not be dissuaded. They're on the road now and we're terrified for them...I hope they manage to pull this off, but I fear I will lose them both this year because of their insistence and Trump's malfeasance.

What got me and dad to taking though was Dr. Jonas Salk and the release of the polio vaccine in 1955-1957. Like all children of that era, my mom and dad grew up in constant fear of contracting polio. It terrified my grandmother constantly that my dad would come down with polio, to the point that it gave her nightmares whenever a local case was reported.

That terror, for YEARS and DECADES, of living in fear of a virus was what he was thinking about now. He vividly described the relief that not only he and his friends felt when the vaccine was released and then perfected, but also the relief it brought to my grandmother. We lost grandma 3 years ago this June at the age of 96, although dementia and other maladies had really taken her from us much sooner. But I could not help but be moved to tears talking with my father about his mother and the relief that a vaccine had brought to them so many years ago.

I am scared to lose dad and mom, even though I know that there are fewer days ahead for me to be able to share with them then there are days in the rear-view mirror now...but it filled me with love and despite my fears and the current situation and the darkness all around us, it also reminded me to stop and appreciate the things I still have access to now - my parents, even at advancing ages; my family, my wife and my siblings.

Closing this rambling missive, all I can say is that we all can benefit from introspection and reaching out to loved ones now more than ever...remembering times long past, reliefs and triumphs, anxieties and comforts...is what makes life have meaning for us all.

Be safe. Be well. And remember to tell those you love that they matter to you and that their contributions to your life are cherished memories too. We may not have the chance 'later' and this tragedy is at least a reminder to never pass up the chances we do have...ever.

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