WASHINGTON—Saying they had awaited this day for decades, activists across the country celebrated yesterday following the Supreme Court’s landmark decision to grant full and universal suffrage to American currency.

The decision from the nation’s highest court, which was greeted with cheers from advocates and interest groups that have long worked tirelessly on behalf of money, ensures that U.S. dollars can no longer be disenfranchised, and for the first time in history, guarantees that every single one of them will be free to participate in the democratic process with no restrictions whatsoever.

“This is an absolutely historic day for American money; after years of fighting and struggling, our government has finally declared that U.S. cash, irrespective of amount, can no longer be barred from the American electoral system,” said University of Pennsylvania historian Dr. James Mattis, who argued that, while the goal took decades to achieve and at points appeared bleak—particularly during the repressive McCain-Feingold years—few could deny that suffrage for all U.S. capital was inevitable. “This has been a long time coming, and we can now say with certainty that the fight to ensure that every single American dollar has a say in our government is finally over. Now, at long last, all U.S. money has a voice in Washington—a strong, loud, clear voice that can no longer be suppressed or silenced by anyone.”

“This was a long and difficult march, and many fortunes were tragically suppressed along the way, but finally achieving universal suffrage for money makes all those difficult times completely worth it,” continued Mattis. “This is truly a great moment for money across the country.”