I'm 50 today.

50 years ago, Johnson was elected President. On the day I was born. I won't get into all that. I'll just say my parents were Kennedy/Chicago Dems, so I was raised the same.

My life has been difficult, a never ending series of disappointments. It never stopped me. My bestfriend back in Chicago called me a fatal optimist. Nothing could ever knock me down. At 16, I told friends that I couldn't wait until I turned 50. I had dreams of becoming an attorney and later a politician. Hey, I was born on election day. It was in the cards...I figured. It didn't turn out that way. 50 was my road marker. I would be successful by 50.

I didn't expect my 50th to be like this. Up until a week ago, my plans were to take my first real vacation in over 10 years with my husband. Nothing terribly exciting. He was taking me to Albuquerque. A city that I've been fascinated by for several years. Instead, I threw him out of the house. My house is almost packed up, I'm moving to KCMO with my son and DIL, I have no job lined up, I'm broke, have to get rid of my three cats, I'm terrified...and alone, today.

But, that fatal optimism is still struggling to take over. It's tired after this many years. That little guy in my head is whipped. He's running out of positive things to whisper. I'm trying.

I miss the Midwest. My initial goal was to move back to Chicago, but I can't afford all the deposits, etc. to get my own place despite the job offers. I'll only be an 8 hour drive or 6 hour Amtrak ride to the city. That's better than 2 days. I'll get there just in time for winter. That's okay, I can look forward to a real spring. No job offers, not a problem. I have a decent resume, will work for far less than my worth, and can sell myself well. The best part, I'll be with my son and his wife. Two of the most important people in my life. My DIL is so excited. She has my room ready and is driving my son crazy with details.

I'm scared, yes. Heartbroken because I can't find homes for my babies and will probably need to hand them over to the Humane Society where they will more than likely be put down. I get to pay $120 for the privilege. Money I don't have.

I have no choice but to look forward. To hope, to dream, to stay strong. Today, it's a little more difficult.

In honor of my birthday and all of the election days past, vote...vote for Democrats.

And, finally, something that is killing me. I'm desperate. http://www.gofundme.com/gc3d2g