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cilla4progress

(25,092 posts)
Wed Dec 1, 2021, 06:51 PM Dec 2021

I had an abortion... [View all]

OK, I'll go first, hard as it is.

I was about 9 years married. Had just graduated with a technical degree and on the cusp of starting a new career. It was tough in my rural town to find decent work that paid decently (I was already a college grad), much less decent affordable childcare. I was also afraid to become a parent since I hadn't had the best examples - or a nuclear family that sustained me; no dig on them. They tried. Suffice to say there were several years in my teen years when my only sister, older than me, was in and out of mental institutions, and it took its toll.... And I wasn't so sure I wanted to bring a child into this... yes; I had foresight.

Our low tech birth control had never failed, until it finally did. Struck with that most excruciating of decisions, I knew that I could not be the mom I wanted to be, that I needed to be. I was terrified of what kind of mom I would be, under duress -- dropping my child off at fulltime daycare, being financially strapped all the time, not being able to afford extras, which for me, I'll admit it - included having a horse. At least I knew myself. Also, health insurance. Neither my husband or I had it. We just had a small 1-acre plot with a ramshackle house and a horse corral. I don't recall it being a hard decision at the time, honestly.

4 years later, at age 37, after 13 years of marriage, my husband and I got intentionally pregnant in 3 weeks with the most wanted, most beloved, most well-prepared for daughter! I was able to stay home for awhile - had set myself up with a home business - and then able to work only part-time, which was how I needed to parent. Even still, the daycare we could afford was shockingly low-quality (though safe). My husband had a union job with union benefits. I never looked back. She is the light of our lives.

With all the pro-life BS since, have I felt guilt? Or regret? I'll admit - I've had to fight it. I was fortunate to discover my pregnancy at 5 weeks, so there's that. I do feel some shame - am I a murderer? am I selfish? - and there are very few people I would share, or have shared this with. Fortunately I don't know anyone here in person!

I've come to terms that it was the best I could do at that time in my situation. I would LOVE to have a sibling for my daughter - we never did. Again, our (my) shortcomings in my self-confidence as a parent. And I wish our society supported families like they do in France. If I had been looking at 2 years of paid leave and decent childcare, I'm pretty sure I would have made a different decision.

So, for what it's worth, which may be nothing to you but is helpful to me, that's my abortion story.

81 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
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I had an abortion... [View all] cilla4progress Dec 2021 OP
Your courage and bravery are noted. eom guillaumeb Dec 2021 #1
It should be worth something to everyone, and I commend TheProle Dec 2021 #2
You guys cilla4progress Dec 2021 #3
You may not consider yourself brave, but I do. hlthe2b Dec 2021 #9
You could just post "I had an abortion n/t" leftstreet Dec 2021 #4
As with my abortion, cilla4progress Dec 2021 #7
I don't necessarily disagree gratuitous Dec 2021 #18
Thanks, cilla4progress Dec 2021 #19
+ 1 nt pazzyanne Dec 2021 #25
What a wonderful post. llmart Dec 2021 #56
Exactly what I was thinking. SammyWinstonJack Dec 2021 #69
I've had several. ismnotwasm Dec 2021 #5
+1000. nt ecstatic Dec 2021 #21
I've had two... but not feeling like sharing my reasons either for the same reasons. msfiddlestix Dec 2021 #22
If ONLY we were dealing with Originalism! slightlv Dec 2021 #57
Hear Here! msfiddlestix Dec 2021 #59
Me too. momta Dec 2021 #31
Sign me cilla4progress Dec 2021 #39
Yes there is, several funds for women in Texas. mountain grammy Dec 2021 #53
Thanks MFM008 Dec 2021 #6
No one owes anyone their story. And I honor any story people choose to tell. WhiskeyGrinder Dec 2021 #8
{{{hugs}}} Coventina Dec 2021 #10
Thank you, Chilla, for sharing and your bravery. FalloutShelter Dec 2021 #11
Yes! The bottom line is cilla4progress Dec 2021 #14
So right on sister. FalloutShelter Dec 2021 #16
So glad you traded up to a wonderful husband! MLAA Dec 2021 #33
Me too! FalloutShelter Dec 2021 #35
Thank you snowybirdie Dec 2021 #12
I had one too wildheart Dec 2021 #13
Thank you. Solly Mack Dec 2021 #15
You are not a murderer. You were not selfish. mcar Dec 2021 #17
Thanks. cilla4progress Dec 2021 #20
Thank you for sharing your story. Kath2 Dec 2021 #23
Thank you for sharing your story. evolves Dec 2021 #24
Thank you for sharing. I believe in women and their ability to make their own choices. Lonestarblue Dec 2021 #26
Pre RoeVWade MuseRider Dec 2021 #27
I salute your courage in sharing this. Thank you! alwaysinasnit Dec 2021 #28
Me too. moreland01 Dec 2021 #29
Wow - you are AMAZING cilla4progress Dec 2021 #40
You made the best decision for you (and your husband) at the time vlyons Dec 2021 #30
I almost started a thread like this. I'm glad you did. NurseJackie Dec 2021 #32
{{{cilla4progress}}} Stinky The Clown Dec 2021 #34
Thank you. momta Dec 2021 #36
Cilla4progress you are a smart, brave, loving warrior! MLAA Dec 2021 #37
Awesome, MLAA - cilla4progress Dec 2021 #42
I'm pretty sure I've told my story here at DU at some point. ShazzieB Dec 2021 #38
Right-fricking on cilla4progress Dec 2021 #43
A friend in her late 60's had an abortion when she niyad Dec 2021 #50
interested in your story kparkin May 2022 #78
I would be delighted to talk with you! ShazzieB May 2022 #79
??? llashram May 2022 #80
things done in secret worries me. llashram May 2022 #81
I had one too. Demobrat Dec 2021 #41
Recommended. H2O Man Dec 2021 #44
(((((((((((((cilla))))))))))))) niyad Dec 2021 #45
What you said at the end about what France does for mothers Mr.Bill Dec 2021 #46
All of us of a certain age remember the bad old days. Texaswitchy Dec 2021 #47
Me too. #sodidi mtngirl47 Dec 2021 #48
Thank you. mgardener Dec 2021 #49
I've had several. No story. No shame. I refuse to answer to systems that don't acknowledge my ancianita Dec 2021 #51
This message was self-deleted by its author iamateacher Dec 2021 #52
Thank you for sharing your story.. mountain grammy Dec 2021 #54
texas is taking away abortion, BUT NOT GIVING THOSE WHO NEED IT CHILD SUPPORT! babies are NOT FREE. pansypoo53219 Dec 2021 #55
I was 19 ... rustysgurl Dec 2021 #58
I'm so sorry about your brother LittleGirl Dec 2021 #67
as did I demtenjeep Dec 2021 #60
As did I. nolabear Dec 2021 #61
Love your story, cilla4progress Dec 2021 #64
I also had an abortion. camartinwv Dec 2021 #62
thank you and i'll post my story tomorrow Trueblue1968 Dec 2021 #63
I have a story too.The details don't matter. Joinfortmill Dec 2021 #65
i was 14. roe had passed eight months earlier. my mom took me. orleans Dec 2021 #66
It is a decision that, ultimately, only the woman concerned can make DFW Dec 2021 #68
I definitely consider you a brave person! lark Dec 2021 #70
Thank you for going first. I've had 2 abortions, barbtries Dec 2021 #71
Thank you for your story, cilla. MontanaMama Dec 2021 #72
I had an abortion at the age of 45. I was unmarried and a working woman. Texin Dec 2021 #73
Thank you for sharing. piddyprints Dec 2021 #74
My Mother had a D and C when I was small child. Texaswitchy Dec 2021 #75
Genetics play a role too to decide nitpicker Dec 2021 #76
Listening to mom on Katy Tur's show - cilla4progress Dec 2021 #77
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