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In reply to the discussion: This is the reason I am still wearing a mask. [View all]LuckyCharms
(17,472 posts)It's interesting that you mentioned electrolyte imbalances. I had asked my primary care what she was looking for in my bloodwork, and she had mentioned "whacked out electrolytes".
I think my heart is pretty good. I have an irregular heartbeat, I think the condition is called PVCs, but it's nothing to be worried about according to my cardiologist. Also, for my age at 63, I can do an incredible amount of physical labor. It's what keeps me alive. I'll go 15 hour straight sometimes. I'm constantly getting yelled at by my primary care "YOU SHOULDN'T BE WORKING LIKE THAT MORE THAN 4 HOURS A DAY"!
But, it's how I live my life. My career was not as a carpenter, but I was formally trained as one, so I like doing carpentry work. You'll often hear that people employed as carpenters usually destroy their bodies by the time they are age 40, and that seems to be true. Since I don't do that work professionally 8 hours a day, it took me until my late 50's to destroy my body by doing a ton of home remodeling on my own house. There's not one thing in my modest home that I haven't remodeled. It makes me happy.
But now at this age, I often get a feeling of dread, because I know the day is coming where I'm going to need a cane, then a walker, then a wheelchair, then be bedridden. And that pretty much happens to us all, unless we are "lucky" enough to die suddenly. The minute I have to stop doing what I do, is the minute I start to die. I'm not sure if I could mentally handle it. I'm not strong in that way. So I guess I'm just trying to keep moving when perhaps I should be relaxing. It all boils down to this fear I have, almost a phobia, of being incapacitated. I wouldn't know how to live. I don't watch much TV, I don't read books (except for non-fiction stuff in order to learn about a skill that I want to acquire), I can't sit in a recliner without getting antsy, the only time I sit down at all is when I'm on the internet at my desktop PC, which is quite often.
I love taking my dog for a walk in the park, but there's so many people out there that don't follow the leash laws. My dog is just under 30 pounds, and he's shy. he's always getting harassed by these huge dogs that are off leash at the park, so I just walk him up and down the street now.
I think my point is that I would not know how to live other than the way I do. And yet, I know the time is coming, probably soon...
We seem to enjoy the same things...both the country and the city. And I love NYC! I'm a few hundred miles away from NYC. I've driven there quite a bit, and I've taken the bus quite a bit. I love the way the energy just slaps you in the face as soon as you walk out of Port Authority.
Our Covid restrictions are very similar. I've been getting out more, but mainly to medical appointments. I used to double mask, but now I just wear a well-fitted N95. I still won't eat inside restaurants, but I'll probably do some outside dining when it gets a bit warmer.
When I was at a medical appointment recently, I almost burst into tears because I received two beautiful compliments. One woman told me that I had a beautiful voice, very calming and soothing. Another told me how much she missed me. I was stunned, because I can't recall when I've received compliments like that, and it made me realize that interactions over Zoom, or text, or the telephone doesn't cut it. It made me realize how much I missed talking face-to-face with people, and how kind most people actually are.
I've never even fathomed myself having a stroke, or a heart attack, or cancer...but it's kind of sinking in the past few days that things are going to get rougher every year. It's inevitable, for everyone. I don't think I really fear death too much, but I am terrified of physically "not being here".
I really appreciate your post. As you can probably tell, I'm in a bit of a funk, so your words meant a lot to me.
Be well.