My thanksgiving shock.

[Hortensis]

20. In your situation I'd no doubt feel much the same, including

the family home going out of the family to someone else's grandchildren too...

But we're from California, a community property state. The law says the surviving spouse to still "owns" everything he or she did before. That's what I'm used to thinking of as just plain right. Nothing just gets taken away willy-nilly (outrageous!!!), unless, of courrse, specifically written into a will. Certainly not the survivor's home!!! If my husband did that (he never would), I'd probably tell him to drop dead and leave.

And this involves her right to her home, a very emotional thing at all stages. If I were widowed, it would make me unhappy to know my home was no longer mine, even if the will did stipulate I had the right to occupy while alive. (Gee, how "good" of it!)

This was likely part of what contributed to her reaction to hearing you talk about what you'd do with her home when it was yours. You both have important, valid reasons for your reactions, but she still wants a friendly relationship at least, putting you guys way ahead of thousands of horror stories.

Whatever you decide, best wishes for coming to terms with this and keeping your family together.