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Trump will gladly debate under the following conditions (satire) [View all]
Trump will gladly debate under the following conditions (Gifted, no paywall link)Washington Post, By Alexandra Petri, 8/9/2024
Dear Harris Campaign,
Fine! I have agreed to the debate on ABC. But as I proposed during my wonderful speech Thursday, this should be the first of three. I propose that the second debate occur on Fox News, as follows.
The debate is held in front of a rally-size crowd of women (all 10s) and big, strong men weeping and clutching at my hands and saying, “Sir, sir!” They are all weeping because they have missed me so much. I touch them and their golf handicaps decrease.
The debate takes place at Mar-a-Lago, the best place in the world. A bunch of classified documents are there because they will not stop following me loyally around. “Stop following me around, classified documents!” I tell them. “Go on, git!” But they refuse. They will go wherever I go, and that includes the debate. They settle in the back rows in their cardboard boxes, rustling proudly.
The moderator is Bret Bear, an actual bear. RFK Jr. (who is going to have a great job in the new Trump Cabinet) comes and disposes of the bear in his trademark manner.
The debate is held in front of a rally-size crowd of women (all 10s) and big, strong men weeping and clutching at my hands and saying, “Sir, sir!” They are all weeping because they have missed me so much. I touch them and their golf handicaps decrease.
The debate takes place at Mar-a-Lago, the best place in the world. A bunch of classified documents are there because they will not stop following me loyally around. “Stop following me around, classified documents!” I tell them. “Go on, git!” But they refuse. They will go wherever I go, and that includes the debate. They settle in the back rows in their cardboard boxes, rustling proudly.
The moderator is Bret Bear, an actual bear. RFK Jr. (who is going to have a great job in the new Trump Cabinet) comes and disposes of the bear in his trademark manner.
Original link: https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2024/08/09/trump-harris-debate-conditions-abc-satire/