Eve Ensler on the passivity of men

[ProudToBeBlueInRhody]

365. I'm sorry

I'm apparently unaware it became a euphemism for mass genocide sometime between 1994 and now.

Let's talk about cynicism and the definition of the term.

Noun

1. A platonic relationship where one party develops romantic feelings that are not returned. Also known as "unrequited love".

In myyyyy day long before we had MP3 players and HDTV....back when AOL was cutting edge and Paula Abdul was only about four years removed from musical relevance....that term was used (not by me) to describe a platonic relationship between a guy and girl that had hit an impasse where one person wanted the other to be their girlfriend/boyfriend and the other just wanted to remain platonic. That's it. And yeah, both guys and girls went through it. Now yes, I understand what that all entails TO YOU....OMG, someone's gonna eventually want to have SEXUAL INTERCOURSE....and that, ESPECIALLY if you are a man (AND YOU JUST KNOW IT'S MAN because they always want their penis in something!), is bad....very, very bad. Entitlement and all that.

Funny thing about us kids from the 90's, though. In between listening to Pearl Jam and watching "Pulp Fiction" is that we weren't really as jaded as you are. It wasn't always about sex. Sometimes (I know this is hard for you to grasp) a guy or girl actually fell for a friend. They hung around one person enough, and shared the same interests in music and movies and art and sports that yeah, one person developed greater feelings for the other than was reciprocated.

I went through it. Started hanging out with a girl. Honestly, I thought she was a flake when I first met her. Then one night, because of some bizarre circumstances, we spent an evening waiting for a friend at the airport and yeah, I fell for her.

This part may be hard for you to understand. I'll let you breathe deep, so you can prepare your eye rolls or whatever machinations I imagine go on as you start to twitch behind the keyboard.


My first thought, after falling for her, was not "I want to fuck her"

I did a lot of hand wringing for a long time, eventually it came out how I felt, and it was not meant to be because she just wanted to be friends. I would never use the term....but others did in describing that situation. I felt bad about it. Pretty depressed for awhile. I actually kind of went into a fetal position for a weekend, I think.

Not very manly, I guess. Continue to roll eyes and steam.

But I also saw one of my best girl friends absolutely destroyed by the fact that she had fallen in love with a guy within our circle. And he was simply not interested in her that way. She got "friend zoned". She used the term being a fan of the stupid show, and no one clucked their tongue at her about it either. And I guess I was an awful friend and human being because instead of telling her to "shut the fuck up", "deal", and "get over it" as an enlightened person with a winning personality such as yourself would....I commiserated with her and gave her a shoulder to cry on and talk it over about, as did others having gone thru it. I would do that for any friend....make or female....and not tell them that their gender meant they could or could not have those feelings depending on which they were.

So ya, I can keep on "pretending" I know more than what you know I guess. Maybe someday, when all shred of empathy is drained from my body and I no longer have memories of having to console someone who just had "The Talk" (go Google that, I've never bothered to, I doubt it made it to the widespread lexicon of pop culture) and I resort to hectoring and lecturing people on a message board about what we're going to do as a gender about what some anonymous 14 year old boys on Flicker are saying, I'll "get it". Of course, I'll have to lose my memories of my younger days, and my friends, and our romances to engage in that sort of talk. I'm sorry if my perspective is just a bit more innocent, and yes, less cynical that yours right now.

2. A plot device used in fiction and films, most notably (slang) "chick flicks".

Oh shit, now I've done it.