I'm drunk, any other alcoholics around?

[mikeypooh]

18. You sound similar to me

Except I think you have been at it heavier for longer than I was. I remember the days of getting off work, running some errands as quick as possible so that I could get home and commence the drinking.

My mom died youngish from alcohol related issues, and I quit for 8 months the day she passed. I then relapsed for 6 months or so, but have been good since, I've been dry for over two years now. I'm 35 also. I didn't do AA or anything like that, so it is possible.

I wish I had real advice for you but I don't. I think it is different for everyone. I would say not to beat yourself up over the money you've blown on your boozing. Everyone blows money on something. At least it wasn't blown on meth or crack.

Try to love yourself. I know it sounds corny as hell, and it is, but there is truth there also.

Have you ever seen the videos of animals who have spent most of their lives in cages? And they've gone crazy, and walk in circles and are just pathetic? When I give the world a good hard look, I see the world we live in as being a series of hard to see cages like that that we live in, and we're all insane to some degree or another. So we all have our crutches to keep us functioning in this crazy bizzaro-world.

I guess that's what helps keep me dry. I want a clear mind as I gaze into the abyss, so I can try and see how deep it really goes.

But I don't hold anyone's addictions/crutches against them. I used to really hate the bums who would ask for money and you know they really just wanted to get drunk or high. But, looking at the state of affairs today, who can blame them? Hell, I will probably be joining them at some point in the future, lol.

Oh, one other thing, I had really grown to hate my stressful job when I was getting drunk 5-7 days a week. I think it really is self medication at this level... our bodies are telling us that something is wrong and we need to make changes, but we usually choose anti-depressants or drugs or alcohol as a crutch to keep us going. I currently work as a groundskeeper at a cemetery and I love the job. Get to be outside, exercise, no stress. Only ten bucks an hour but at this point in my life I would have to say it's the best job I've ever had. It's not killing me, lol. That's worth another ten bucks an hour right there, lol.

/Ramble off

Good luck to you.