When May I Shoot a Student?---A must-read masterpiece of weaponized snark.

[JDPriestly]

58. You know how a lot of colleges and universities have student bookstores on campus?

It's a tiny but welcome source of income for them.

Stop and think how that tiny income could explode into big bucks if we instituted a guns sales and rentals on campus movement nationwide.

We could use the money earned from those university sponsored sales and rentals of weapons for scholarships. I can see it now: "The survivors funds."

Compared to the mark-up on books, the mark-up on weapons would really make a dent in the costs of education and the recipients could be chosen based on their marksmanship skills.

And, let's be realistic. Kids are going to drink in college. Why not set up bars and saloons right on campus with all profits going to the university to ensure an even bigger profit stream for that college scholarship fund?

One advantage to this concept is that the drunk kids with their guns could have fun and puke and sprawl out drunk right on campus, right in front of their dormitories and frat houses. Not only would all the mess be concentrated in a smaller area, but the campus police could get a paddy wagon, drive it around the campus, pick up the drunk but breathing, deliver them to their classrooms, dorms and frat houses and grab the corpses and take them to an on-campus morgue. Think of the profits that could be made if you charged students for the taxi, ambulance and embalming services! Hey! We are getting into real money now.

The benefits of this plan for a sufficiently entrepreneurial university are incredible. Think how the money, in addition to the establishment of a scholarship fund, could be used to attract better football players and coaches.

Best of all, the university would be in the financial position to give its administrators a big raise. After all, the success of the program will depend on the quality of the university's leadership, and we all know that to attract the best and brightest top dogs, you have to pay well.

Another benfit: the university would be able to charge and retain the tuition money paid by the students who lose their lives in the on-campus wars without having to pay faculty to administer tests and complete grade forms .

Win, win, win, win all around. Guns and alcohol are profitable. And why shouldn't universities get their share of the money?

Finally, think beyond the university box and consider what this could do for our national GDP. Wow! The upside on this just does not quit.

Innovation. That's the key. That's the word.