I still have a very heavy heart over my participation in what happened yesterday and today.

First of all, THIS IS NOT DEFENDING QUINNOX. HE WAS THE CAUSE OF HIS OWN BANNING, AND HAS TO DO WITH VIOLET CRUMBLE. I've been accused of being his friend because I left a thread of his open because I could not see a reason against the SOP to lock it. I was accused of being his friend, and hurt or heartbroken, because he was banned. Maybe in one very small way am I sad over it. And that is the fact that a long term member violated the rules and got themselves banned. Again, a long time member was banned. I would even bet that Admin. are a bit sad over it. That doesn't mean we don't know it was his fault.

I was the host that started the thread in the Host Forum. There's been a problem with bucking consensus lately and I left the thread open in order to try to get the GD Host to own up to a mistake, error, or problem. Sunlight, I thought, was the best disenfectant.

I was wrong. I let it get personal and let the flames fly and refused to delete the thread (you can do that in the Host Forum same as in GD). I can be stubborn. I thought I, a lowly member of no regard to anyone, could cause change in a very contentious group. Not.gonna.happen.

I forgot my number one rule of participating in internet message boards or communities. And that is that I DONT KNOW what is going on in the life of the person on the other side of my screen. I don't know what their real life is like, or just what is going on that day.

That means I normally don't read anything into the silence of another member, especially one that I have gotten to know and like. I mean, think about this. Any one that has had conversations with VC knows she is not going to go silent to keep from having an argument. She is not going to run away from someone because.....well, why? She's very outspoken, she wouldn't do that.

Instead, I read words into her silence and so did too many other GD host and Non-Gd Host. The thread got full of "well, she's been mean to me before", "she's done this before" and lots of other non-related things and the thread became a focus on VC and not the thread we were judging on.

When I realized I'd broken my number one rule, I stubbornly thought I could reign the thread back on topic. I ask that all non-GD Host please quit participating so that we could try to work things out. I was then told it wasn't the first time non-GD Host were trying to tell others, that were just as concerned, to STFU. Yes, I tried to tell them to STFU, I reckon. But, it didn't work anyway. The thread the became about the times they were disrespected by GD Host and told to STFU.

Anyway, I lost my way and helped to throw a good person, and good member, under the bus. Why? Because she locked a Goddamn thread and didn't stick around to argue with me and others about it. She kept me waiting.....all damn day!!!111!!! (It was the middle of the night in Australia) How Dare She??? I see now that that is why we threw a good person under the bus.

So, I'm here to take the blame for all of DU throwing a good person under the bus. I ask your forgiveness. VC has graciously given me that.

I'm still sad, and mad at myself. Mad that I let myself get caught up in the actions against this woman and even led the way.

I hope this all makes sense. I'm not a very good writer but I wanted to try.