Cotton, Bolton, Fox News, 47 Senators: Can we bomb Oman, then?

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In a departure from their modus operandi, of advising our perceived enemies and stating our laws incorrectly, Tom Cotton, John Bolton, 47 Republican senators and the entire staff at Fox News have decided to address President Obama in an open letter.

Let’s Bomb Oman, or Anyone Else…We’re Open to Suggestions.

Dear Mr. Obama,

As you are well aware, we really wanted a war with Iran; but the nuclear deal you have negotiated has hampered our desires and forced us to expand our horizons. We will of course continue to sabotage this deal in any way possible until June, short of ordering the strikes against Iran ourselves – we believe strongly that you would lose respect for us, if we didn’t – but we fancy ourselves as pragmatists and have looked at a map and decided we would be almost as happy to have a war with Oman, or Turkmenistan, or even Algeria; we are not unreasonable people. To prove it, we will seriously consider a war with a country of your choosing.

The reasons for war are of course numerous, varied and vital to our national security. Instead of listing them all, we will just name the most important. Money and fun. Who doesn’t like those two things? But like Sisyphus rolling his boulder, we thought concentrating solely on Iran would be futile and we would lose sight of the larger picture. War, itself.

In case you were worried that the public may not want a war with an arbitrary enemy, we have the guarantee of one of the undersigned, Roger Ailes, that about forty percent of the country could be whipped into a war-frenzy in less than a month. With anyone, even New Zealand or Canada.

So the ball is in your court, Mr. President. Please give us a war; the clock is ticking.

Sincerely,

Tom Cotton and the Republican Senate

John Bolton

The staff at Fox News