General Discussion

backscatter712

(26,355 posts)

53. Non-violent communication against a bully? Are you serious?

Fri May 11, 2012, 06:23 PM

May 2012

When Biff is spitting in your face and slamming your head into your locker day after day after day after day, you're supposed to go up to him and say "Gee, Biff, it seems you have problems managing your anger. Let me give you a hug!" You really think that would work?

And don't tell me "Go to the community." The community in many cases won't do shit. The reason the bullying situation has been allowed to happen in the first place is because the community has made it very clear they will not act.

I've been bullied right in front of teachers, who in one case, did nothing but stick her nose in her book because she didn't want to sully her beautiful mind by intervening when a group of kids are terrorizing a kid half their size.

The fact is that bullies will only respond to two things: force and dominance. You cannot reason with a bully, or hug your way out of a bullying situation.

Sometimes, there is no alternative but to kick the piece of shit in the spleen.

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56 replies

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I’ve read much on the heroics of confronting bulliess recently, that too has a dark side… [View all] HereSince1628 May 2012 OP

Wow. Thank you for telling that. mac56 May 2012 #1

No guarantees in life... Cave_Johnson May 2012 #7

Off campus should have out of bounds for the school ProgressiveProfessor May 2012 #2

I jumped a man that was physically abusing a woman, got her free, Zorra May 2012 #3

A good self-defense class could teach you the proper way to act when the police show up slackmaster May 2012 #4

That sucks. You did the best you could. There are other ways Iris May 2012 #5

You did not do anything wrong. nt Deep13 May 2012 #6

I just wrote something like this on another thread. "Fighting back" these days means expulsion riderinthestorm May 2012 #8

That's why you don't fight back AT SCHOOL slackmaster May 2012 #15

The consequences of fighting back away from school could be even worse. JDPriestly May 2012 #28

+1000000 nt riderinthestorm May 2012 #39

Sometimes the path of least resistance is to communicate effectively with a bully's parents slackmaster May 2012 #44

So, what's your position? To 'take it'? I have self respect. Edweird May 2012 #9

My position is that there isn't a single outcome to confronting bullies. HereSince1628 May 2012 #12

Ok, but what happens when you DON'T confront them? Edweird May 2012 #13

I'm not sure you can be certain of an outcome there, either... HereSince1628 May 2012 #21

Your case, BTW, is EXACTLY why I support 'stand your ground' type laws. Edweird May 2012 #29

Too often, the person with the gun IS the bully. JDPriestly May 2012 #32

Who is 'the person with the gun'? Police? Military? Citizens? Edweird May 2012 #33

I think the point is that unintended consequences are a fact of life. mac56 May 2012 #23

Yep, shit happens. Edweird May 2012 #30

I think we agree, basically. mac56 May 2012 #34

In my view, bullying should be handled in one of two ways. JDPriestly May 2012 #31

I am intimately familiar with the mechanics of bullying - I was the 'weird kid'. Edweird May 2012 #35

All true. But what is also true is that bullies mostly pick on safe JDPriestly May 2012 #48

Non-violent communication against a bully? Are you serious? backscatter712 May 2012 #53

Non-violent communication is not about hugs, JDPriestly May 2012 #56

This. daaron May 2012 #16

There was an older girl, big for her age, who LuvNewcastle May 2012 #10

And that's the bottom line - "when parents don't get involved..." Iris May 2012 #11

When adults abdicate their responsibility for teaching and enforcing tblue37 May 2012 #27

Indeed. Happens here at DU too. nt patrice May 2012 #14

this is a place where good parenting should be helpful Voice for Peace May 2012 #17

There is a saying in NYC: "No good deed goes unpunished" KurtNYC May 2012 #18

+1000 mac56 May 2012 #24

It is true that there are other ways of confronting bullies varelse May 2012 #19

Yes, it went on for my brother. HereSince1628 May 2012 #45

Hey, I still dont see how you did the wrong thing Muskypundit May 2012 #20

I'll bet they certainly continued bullying. They simply picked another target. nt riderinthestorm May 2012 #40

Here's a question: Did the bully beat on your brother again? aikoaiko May 2012 #22

The group that was involved in bullying my brother continued at him HereSince1628 May 2012 #38

I'm sorry to hear that, but did the one you beat on continue to bully your brother? aikoaiko May 2012 #46

That's not the dark side. tcaudilllg May 2012 #25

I see it as dark. A kid of 8 maybe 9 ended up with a life threatening injury HereSince1628 May 2012 #42

Well I have a bully story too. zeemike May 2012 #26

You can kill someone with a hard strike to any part of the head. stevenleser May 2012 #49

And you can kill people with words too zeemike May 2012 #54

You dont have to tell me. I was also bullied. stevenleser May 2012 #55

There was a bigger kid who would bully me and my friends 40 years ago ... my friends still talk JoePhilly May 2012 #36

This is a tough one... Red State Prisoner May 2012 #37

I finally fought back against my bully after years of abuse TrogL May 2012 #41

Thank you. nt redqueen May 2012 #43

I had a similar experience in 5th grade (no police though). Dawson Leery May 2012 #47

I found myself wishing that the statute of limitations had not passed and you could sue stevenleser May 2012 #50

I was way out beyond the wierd kid... loose wheel May 2012 #51

One person looked up to you that day I imagine Generic Other May 2012 #52