General Discussion

mercuryblues

(16,451 posts)

202. I love the

Mon Nov 13, 2017, 10:23 AM

Nov 2017

idea that women have to decide for men what consent means on a case by case analogy. What if this or that happens, is it still consent? If I do this or they do that, is it still consent?
I said yes, but he/she started choking me, I couldn't say no, but I shook my head no and pushed him/her away, did I withdraw my consent?
I said yes to a BJ, but he shoved it so far down my throat I puked on him. I wanted to keep going, but he went in the shower. Did he withdraw his consent? Should I go in there and try again? He locked the bathroom door, Is that a normal habit of his or did he withdraw consent?
Half way through sex she pulled out the nail polish and started doing her nails. She never said stop, is that still consent?
We were in the middle of doing it and her parents walked in, she never said stop, but her parents did. Should I keep going or stop?

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Showing someone your dick is rape culture [View all] obamanut2012 Nov 2017 OP

Yes, it is. MineralMan Nov 2017 #1

It confounds me so many people think obamanut2012 Nov 2017 #2

Weird. MineralMan Nov 2017 #5

for example: graphic: dick pics JustABozoOnThisBus Nov 2017 #244

In principle it is clear Cary Nov 2017 #7

Your argument for handwaving some of this is confounding to me obamanut2012 Nov 2017 #9

Thanks for making my point Cary Nov 2017 #20

I'm with you... some "consent" lines are clear, some a little blurry. InAbLuEsTaTe Nov 2017 #78

The horror! Cary Nov 2017 #105

You didn't notice that most of these women didn't say yes? How clearer could it be? bettyellen Nov 2017 #127

Yes, that is the clear cut case... no one could seriously argue otherwise. InAbLuEsTaTe Nov 2017 #132

It's all my fault Cary Nov 2017 #144

Give me a break. You made yourself quite clear. Hekate Nov 2017 #153

I made what clear? Cary Nov 2017 #156

What a bunch of gaslighting bullshit. Not surprised though. bettyellen Nov 2017 #159

Show me where I "gaslight bullshit" Cary Nov 2017 #160

Don't "act out your issue on me". In other words, bug off. bettyellen Nov 2017 #162

Sure feels to me like you're trying to bully me Cary Nov 2017 #165

Quoting you feels like bullying, does it? Telling you to go away is bullying? Nope. bettyellen Nov 2017 #167

Nope. Cary Nov 2017 #171

I wasn't- I was quoting you trying to make it about "my issues" which is just gas lighting bullshit. bettyellen Nov 2017 #207

Please take out your aggression on someone else Cary Nov 2017 #215

There is a legitimate issue being discussed here Cary Nov 2017 #253

The fact that you think you think consent is always 100 percent clear in concerning to me mythology Nov 2017 #60

It's not that difficult. Consent is an ongoing thing that depends on enthusiastic participation. He bettyellen Nov 2017 #130

I love the mercuryblues Nov 2017 #202

If you have to ask what a person leaving a locking the door means, you don't deserve sex, LOL... you bettyellen Nov 2017 #211

I don't think I was clear enough with my post mercuryblues Nov 2017 #212

Yet they all had easy answers, LOL. bettyellen Nov 2017 #224

"Would the line of consent be so clear'? whathehell Nov 2017 #54

I have seen females lie with the same frequency as I have seen males lie Cary Nov 2017 #64

Um, are you accusing me of lying or do you think women are lying whathehell Nov 2017 #83

I agree with you, what you describe is clearly over the line of consent. InAbLuEsTaTe Nov 2017 #88

Yes, absolutely. n/t. whathehell Nov 2017 #94

That's seems fair. InAbLuEsTaTe Nov 2017 #133

Why is your son giving his contact info out to so many strange women? bettyellen Nov 2017 #226

lol, been on social media much?! It's called social networking... InAbLuEsTaTe Nov 2017 #227

Yeah, I'm just picky about who's allowed to send me private messages. bettyellen Nov 2017 #229

Different age... he's not bothered at all, as I said. InAbLuEsTaTe Nov 2017 #231

You hadn't said anything at all about his reaction to this. You must be thinking of somethging else. bettyellen Nov 2017 #233

My bad... said that to someone else. InAbLuEsTaTe Nov 2017 #242

Consent is consent. It is not unclear. MineralMan Nov 2017 #56

Most of the time. Cary Nov 2017 #67

No. Always. If it is not clear, it does not exist. MineralMan Nov 2017 #75

In spite of concerns from internet strangers i do not partake Cary Nov 2017 #87

No problem. Sending unsolicited images like that should be illegal. MineralMan Nov 2017 #107

As a lawyer, have you ever represented a flasher/weenie waver? whathehell Nov 2017 #111

THIS. X 1,000,000. nt TheFrenchRazor Nov 2017 #175

By the way this is not new. Cary Nov 2017 #82

Of course it's not new. MineralMan Nov 2017 #85

It means what In said in the post Cary Nov 2017 #89

Lol..You still haven't answered on consent for weenie waving & dick pics whathehell Nov 2017 #146

Who are you? Cary Nov 2017 #151

Nice try. whathehell Nov 2017 #155

Show me where you made an "argument" and where I tried to "rebut" Cary Nov 2017 #157

I'll be happy to.. whathehell Nov 2017 #222

I see. Out of one side of your mouth you accuse me of "rebutting" Cary Nov 2017 #223

Um, no, you apparently do not see.. whathehell Nov 2017 #225

You almost "won" Cary Nov 2017 #234

"and now I can never, ever take you seriously, ever again" whathehell Nov 2017 #238

I don't recall having run into you before Cary Nov 2017 #246

I'd bet you don't 'recall' quite a few here.. whathehell Nov 2017 #247

You give yourself too much credit Cary Nov 2017 #248

Lol..Project much? whathehell Nov 2017 #249

Buh bye. Cary Nov 2017 #250

Wow.. whathehell Nov 2017 #254

Why is that my responsibility? Cary Nov 2017 #255

Where did I say it was your responsibility? whathehell Nov 2017 #256

I didn't say you said it explicitly Cary Nov 2017 #257

And let's be clear here about who is the mess... Cary Nov 2017 #258

And I didn't suggest your examples were consent. Cary Nov 2017 #91

I have a friend, a Democrat, who stupidly said some things to a Republican female Cary Nov 2017 #99

It sure as hell doesn't meet any standards of mine. MineralMan Nov 2017 #109

I don't expect perfection Cary Nov 2017 #154

Ah, there's your problem RandomAccess Nov 2017 #189

Excuse me? Cary Nov 2017 #193

So, are you saying that form of verbal consent is required before engaging in any sexual activity? InAbLuEsTaTe Nov 2017 #92

Verbal. No, not necessarily. MineralMan Nov 2017 #102

This message was self-deleted by its author InAbLuEsTaTe Nov 2017 #129

Except consent is not always so obvious and clear Kentonio Nov 2017 #168

It is in cases of weenie waves & dick pics, which is what we are whathehell Nov 2017 #177

In keeping with recent events, this topic concerrned dick pics & weenie waving whathehell Nov 2017 #147

Clearly, yes, NON-consensual... so what's there to discuss then? InAbLuEsTaTe Nov 2017 #173

Yes, you and a couple others are willing to concede that whathehell Nov 2017 #178

Oh okay, then I see where you're coming from. InAbLuEsTaTe Nov 2017 #195

Okay, then whathehell Nov 2017 #241

You're right RandomAccess Nov 2017 #188

Yup ismnotwasm Nov 2017 #3

Yup obamanut2012 Nov 2017 #6

I don't know either. You've commented from time to time MineralMan Nov 2017 #14

Its also blatantly racist ismnotwasm Nov 2017 #16

I think it says that our culture is coarsening. MineralMan Nov 2017 #18

our society needs to make exposure of internet porn to children a crime. even by email & click18. Sunlei Nov 2017 #30

Agreed.. whathehell Nov 2017 #69

i am on a board where young men talk about porngraphy. It mostly makes them think their penises emulatorloo Nov 2017 #28

Vanilla porn is fairly straightforward ismnotwasm Nov 2017 #38

These are young guys with a healthy interest in consensual sex w adult partners emulatorloo Nov 2017 #42

What they are is basically fan fiction with movie stars of choice ismnotwasm Nov 2017 #59

I admit to only seeing a small sample of Internet porn. MineralMan Nov 2017 #61

Yes I think it is very accurate to say it is male fantasy of what sex is. emulatorloo Nov 2017 #90

When kids see it, it's always viewed naively. MineralMan Nov 2017 #95

Agreed adolescent boys should not be viewing that stuff emulatorloo Nov 2017 #100

And I'm talking about non-adults. MineralMan Nov 2017 #103

The small amount I've seen is also highly anti- female whathehell Nov 2017 #245

It seems the line is being re-drawn Cary Nov 2017 #4

If BilL ever showed his dick unsolicited, then yes obamanut2012 Nov 2017 #8

Bill is accused of rape Cary Nov 2017 #11

I'll have to check, but as I recall, there was one rape allegation, but she took it back ... Honeycombe8 Nov 2017 #31

Ok. But that's not what I am contemplating. Cary Nov 2017 #49

If I remember right emulatorloo Nov 2017 #51

Given what I k is of the so called "elves" Cary Nov 2017 #74

There was the one rape accusation, but a few other accusations of sexual assault. 7962 Nov 2017 #136

The post I was responding to was about rape, though. (But Willey recanted her alleg.) Honeycombe8 Nov 2017 #176

That was Broderick. Willey has never recanted. 7962 Nov 2017 #180

Pardon me: Willey was proven to have lied. Honeycombe8 Nov 2017 #182

Oh yeah, Vitter's a scumbag. 7962 Nov 2017 #187

not positive, but I think he was impeached because he lied under oath. Sunlei Nov 2017 #24

Yes, except he wasn't really impeached. Honeycombe8 Nov 2017 #33

He was impeached but not convicted of the charges of impeachment. calimary Nov 2017 #53

He was indicted by the house and the Senate voted not guilty. nt Tavarious Jackson Nov 2017 #62

He was impeached RhodeIslandOne Nov 2017 #214

He was impeached straight across party lines because Republicans hate him Cary Nov 2017 #55

The line: sexual activity is between two consenting adults. Irish_Dem Nov 2017 #35

Monica says it was consensual. However, Clinton was the most powerful man in the world and CTyankee Nov 2017 #164

It is an aspect of rape culture, certainly, because The Velveteen Ocelot Nov 2017 #10

Because they feel entitled to obamanut2012 Nov 2017 #13

Yes, but what do they think they'll get from it? The Velveteen Ocelot Nov 2017 #17

I've asked this of many pushy men over the years and the answer is playing the percentages... bettyellen Nov 2017 #166

Agreed Kalibaba Nov 2017 #230

Is it a culture thing, or just a fucked-up wiring thing? Dave Starsky Nov 2017 #19

agreed. these guys have something mentally wrong w them emulatorloo Nov 2017 #32

What ever the numbers, there are enough men aggravating the crap out of women. nt Irish_Dem Nov 2017 #66

I think the fucked-up-wiring thing has always been there, but the culture thing USED to Nay Nov 2017 #81

While I don't dispute the OP's theory, whathehell Nov 2017 #124

I would have thought sending someone a picture of my junk to be... 3catwoman3 Nov 2017 #185

One of the Hollywood males said this is "flirting" and part of seducing someone. Irish_Dem Nov 2017 #40

That's just twisted. The Velveteen Ocelot Nov 2017 #44

It would certainly be a turn off to me. But some of these guys seem to think it is a turn on. Irish_Dem Nov 2017 #46

I can't think of a bigger turn off. All that says to me is that the sender is smirkymonkey Nov 2017 #139

Really. First date screen out immediately. nt Irish_Dem Nov 2017 #150

Sure.. That's why they're losing their jobs over it whathehell Nov 2017 #112

They really do not understand women at all. Irish_Dem Nov 2017 #119

No, like weenie wavers, they're almost comical in that respect whathehell Nov 2017 #121

Really, they need to be sent to dating boot camp. You can imagine what it would be like. Irish_Dem Nov 2017 #122

Yes.. whathehell Nov 2017 #128

Yes in the abstract quite funny. Most good humor has an underlying edge to it. Irish_Dem Nov 2017 #149

Okay whathehell Nov 2017 #220

Here's how RandomAccess Nov 2017 #192

Thanks, RandomAccess whathehell Nov 2017 #219

Exactly! Rape culture, entitlement, etc. obamanut2012 Nov 2017 #197

Never mind whether the behaviors are attractive -- RandomAccess Nov 2017 #191

Uh, yep. Iggo Nov 2017 #12

Agree that it is part of that culture. Cuthbert Allgood Nov 2017 #15

I think Louis C.K. is a self absorbed creep. bench scientist Nov 2017 #71

He included it because it was part of the discussion of power Cuthbert Allgood Nov 2017 #152

Nope he included cause he only cares about himself. bench scientist Nov 2017 #158

If any guy had even asked me if I... 3catwoman3 Nov 2017 #186

Fair enough Cuthbert Allgood Nov 2017 #190

I'd like to second that.. whathehell Nov 2017 #243

No, his fake apologu sucks obamanut2012 Nov 2017 #198

Third paragraph of his statement: "I have been remorseful of my actions." Cuthbert Allgood Nov 2017 #203

I just can't wrap my mind around Hayduke Bomgarte Nov 2017 #21

happens to a lot of people & children that way. you never forget that first time your eyes drop Sunlei Nov 2017 #22

20 yrs ago, it was a joke on Seinfeld... Dennis Donovan Nov 2017 #23

I don't think "it" (the bit) was a "joke". musette_sf Nov 2017 #45

I think that boys learn to masterbate to porn, and get the message that ehrnst Nov 2017 #25

Many men are obsessed with their organ. They assume women must be, too. Remember Freud. Honeycombe8 Nov 2017 #36

This. When I have just casually mentioned to boyfriends that gee, a penis is Nay Nov 2017 #68

Bumping Uglies thbobby Nov 2017 #104

LOL! nt Honeycombe8 Nov 2017 #113

As someone who HAS one, I don't understand why they were shocked. 7962 Nov 2017 #115

LOL. There's a reason most women don't seek out pics of penises on the internet. Honeycombe8 Nov 2017 #118

And probably why there are very few strip clubs catering to women!! nt 7962 Nov 2017 #138

The erect penis is featured in most porn targeted to straight men. ehrnst Nov 2017 #172

Indeed. Penises are pretty ugly! Lucky Luciano Nov 2017 #117

That is interesting, had not thought about it that way, but makes sense. Irish_Dem Nov 2017 #41

THis has nothing to do with porn obamanut2012 Nov 2017 #199

I think "these guys always escalate" is an over-statement that diminishes your point. thesquanderer Nov 2017 #26

Read John Douglas and Robert Ressler -- they escalate obamanut2012 Nov 2017 #200

I think you could have offered your persepective... thesquanderer Nov 2017 #239

FWIW I believe most men know how to behave around women and understand no means no emulatorloo Nov 2017 #27

K&R Solly Mack Nov 2017 #29

I don't get it. Men, tell us why your species is obsessed with displaying their junk? procon Nov 2017 #34

Why do I have to justify the behavior of men who have some mental aberration? emulatorloo Nov 2017 #39

You just explained much of what I've long suspected. procon Nov 2017 #47

"Courtship ritual," LOL! I'd much rather see a courtship display The Velveteen Ocelot Nov 2017 #50

Yeah, I'm with you. If I wanted a stag in rut, I'd buy a hunting license. nt procon Nov 2017 #57

Funny that you should ask... Orrex Nov 2017 #58

Animals! procon Nov 2017 #65

There certainly are plenty who have trouble keeping their shit together. Orrex Nov 2017 #72

The only ones I've ever known to do it thought exactly that. 7962 Nov 2017 #120

... Skittles Nov 2017 #135

LOL - in my day, I have killed many a budding romance with a untimely laugh. nt procon Nov 2017 #143

No one ever sends me vagina pictures or flashes her vagina at me IronLionZion Nov 2017 #37

Part of the disparity in reactions of men to vajayjay pics and women to dick pics is the Nay Nov 2017 #97

For the people who treat others the way they want to be treated IronLionZion Nov 2017 #108

I would never say that it was ALWAYS a positive experience for men -- note that I did Nay Nov 2017 #116

Let's not forget the fear of pregnancy for a woman. fierywoman Nov 2017 #232

Men are taught to love their penis, women taught to hate their body parts. nt Irish_Dem Nov 2017 #43

See my post #28 emulatorloo Nov 2017 #48

So some men hate their penis and that is why they flash it around? Irish_Dem Nov 2017 #63

Did I say anything remotely like that? No emulatorloo Nov 2017 #77

Sorry for misunderstanding. nt Irish_Dem Nov 2017 #80

No worries n/t emulatorloo Nov 2017 #84

Does Bible cover this?????? Cryptoad Nov 2017 #52

Only if you hold it right. MineralMan Nov 2017 #73

I agree. Men sending unsolicited dick pics and flashing is a form of power play and control. SweetieD Nov 2017 #70

That's true, but a little while back I overheard something funny... Orrex Nov 2017 #76

Anbody in their 30's who dates teenagers is,,,, Cryptoad Nov 2017 #79

+100. MineralMan Nov 2017 #86

Rape culture or porn stars? saidsimplesimon Nov 2017 #93

Agreed - K&R Politicub Nov 2017 #96

So is flashing your breasts rape culture? Body paint modeling in public? Steven Maurer Nov 2017 #98

Aren't you precious obamanut2012 Nov 2017 #201

You're even more so Steven Maurer Nov 2017 #208

it's always about them Skittles Nov 2017 #236

If by some accident videohead5 Nov 2017 #101

Isn't that why men wear a jock strap so it doesn't pop out accidentally? Irish_Dem Nov 2017 #123

Yeah videohead5 Nov 2017 #126

Good for you. That says a lot about your character in a good way. nt Irish_Dem Nov 2017 #148

boxer briefs IronLionZion Nov 2017 #161

How about no dick pics ever again? Not Ruth Nov 2017 #106

Now, that makes sense. Thank you! MineralMan Nov 2017 #110

If I'm asked, I'm happy to send them. Codeine Nov 2017 #213

Heres this on consent ismnotwasm Nov 2017 #114

Some men like Louis CK just haven't gotten the "WTH CARES, YA PERVERT?!" message. WinkyDink Nov 2017 #125

Years ago there was a Playboy cartoon Marthe48 Nov 2017 #131

Why the heck is he showing you pics of guys penises??? 7962 Nov 2017 #140

I didn't know then and I don't know now Marthe48 Nov 2017 #179

correct Skittles Nov 2017 #134

Agreed - I was driving in a rural area and a guy was really creeping me out because he womanofthehills Nov 2017 #235

No penetration, no rape rock Nov 2017 #137

Rape CULTURE includes tolerance of sexual harassment. 50 Shades Of Blue Nov 2017 #142

I would have no dispute rock Nov 2017 #145

Disagree. It's all part of the same dynamic where women are considered fair game for men 50 Shades Of Blue Nov 2017 #163

Let me be clear (as clear as I can, anyways) rock Nov 2017 #169

I was waiting for the rape culture denial ismnotwasm Nov 2017 #181

I also mention Hitler rock Nov 2017 #183

You seem confused by a simple predicate-qualifier. LanternWaste Nov 2017 #204

Splitting hairs to defend this kind of shit is part of rape culture. bettyellen Nov 2017 #170

What a mighty useful term rock Nov 2017 #174

As do your pronouncements LanternWaste Nov 2017 #205

I haven't the vaguest idea of what you're talking about rock Nov 2017 #206

The reason for the excess hostility is that they have no answer Steven Maurer Nov 2017 #209

I fear you are right rock Nov 2017 #210

This message was self-deleted by its author Skittles Nov 2017 #194

Then you should call yourself out as well kcr Nov 2017 #217

You miss the point entirely rock Nov 2017 #218

Tell that to yourself. Your own words: Conflating lewd and unseemly acts with rape shows bad reason kcr Nov 2017 #221

Well, I'll give you that rock Nov 2017 #237

cut it off SummerSnow Nov 2017 #141

i see it more about de evolution. ooh. monkey man wants to show me his tool. pansypoo53219 Nov 2017 #184

I ahd something come up yestterday, and am just able to ome back to this thread obamanut2012 Nov 2017 #196

Sex assault of defended regularly on here Bradical79 Nov 2017 #216

Discussing an issue before reaching a conclusion isn't "defense" of rape culture Cary Nov 2017 #251

Male Privilege. whathehell Nov 2017 #259

Even asking to see someones dick is a potential violation Loki Liesmith Nov 2017 #228

So you would rely on the read the other person's mind exactly or else technique? Cary Nov 2017 #252

Message auto-removed Name removed Nov 2017 #240