Sudden death of my brother, 2 months after my father died of pancreatic cancer

[TheBlackAdder]

21. Reading this, and your brother's outreach on Christmas Eve impresses to me that your Sister-On-Law

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is probably the one driving the conflict and tension in the family.

If you brother was so upset by something you wrote, if he harbored animosity to you, he would not have sent you an unsolicited email. I've seen various family dynamics in my near 60 years, and I am really sensing that your brother might have been in an abusive relationship, where his wife was controlling his actions or punishing him if he did not follow her wishes.

Does your sister-in-law suffer from a borderline personality disorder or other mood/anger shifting condition? Many of this type want people to be beholden to them or do what they want and will denigrate and alienate those who do not participate in their schemes. I seems she is punishing you and your household because of a perceived slight a few weeks ago, that a funeral service should have outweighed. Perhaps your brother did want to reconcile, but it was not within his ability. Access to your brother's children might have been used to gain compliance by your other sisters, however, they are older now and should know better--but if they are living in the same household, they might also be hostages.

A Christian funeral is supposed to be a time when family gets together, even the 'black sheep,' and it was pretty selfish for her to exclude you, which also affects your nephews and siblings. Hopefully, she didn't pull that "Do you believe Dark n Stormy Knight didn't show up to her own brother's funeral" card. This just seems to set yet another event where denigration and alienation is reinforced to your nephews, siblings and other family members.

I know I have very few facts, but there are only so many type of family dynamics at play, and while people think their cases are unique, they all fit into a limited pattern.

I'm so sorry you are going through this, especially so close to your father's passing. This is extremely heart-wrenching to read about.

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