Bereavement
In reply to the discussion: Sudden death of my brother, 2 months after my father died of pancreatic cancer [View all]Dark n Stormy Knight
(9,771 posts)and personalities here. With the evidence I've given, your theory wold be possible. However, I think you'll agree that it's not correct if I tell you a bit more.
Every one of my siblings, including myself, have the same variety of serious anger issues and other mental health problems. I have a history of "nervous breakdowns," bipolar, and occasional suicidal depressions. Every one of my siblings, though not I, are alcoholics, the two sisters on brother's side recently sober (perhaps for a year and a half.) Brother has a history of extremely abusive behavior, sporadically. Two arrests for road rage incidents. Nasty verbal attacks on sisters.
The sister I'm not at odds with presently, for instance, had stayed over at bro and sil's house after a New Year's Ever party a few years ago. After my husband and I left and everyone staying there went to bed, bro got up and woke up my sister to berate her for an hour or two. Sil knew this was happening, but did nothing to stop it. Just stayed in bed, I guess. Sister, stunned, had breakfast with bro & sil the next morning, acting as if nothing had happened, before heading home a six hour drive away.
The incident that caused my rift with bro was a similar attack. My husband and I had traveled to Ireland for bro's son's wedding. We hadn't traveled abroad since 1999, so we were extremely nervous and upset by the difficulties that I suppose frequent travelers just learn to live with. Also, husband has a morbid fear of flying, I have anxiety issues.
Long story somewhat shorter, our "constant complaining" about our frustrations was offensive to my brother who had issued a text warning by text a few months before the wedding that none of us had better bring any bad vibes to Ireland. Our second day there, he came up to the apartment we were sharing with my parents with a chip on his shoulder and picked a fight. Rather than addressing what specific thing I'd done to offend him, he went on a tirade saying the most hurtful things about me, and not for the first time in our lives snarling at me, "I don't care about you!" It culminated with him telling us we were uninvited from the wedding, to get out of the apartment (long story on why he thought he had that authority), and physically attacking my husband until bro's son came up to pull him off and take him away.
For that behavior he never apologized, unless you count him, the next day, flashing a peace sign at me and saying "me too" when my peace-making husband offered my brother his hand and said, "I'm sorry about yesterday."
Our entire trip abroad was basically ruined as my husband and I stumbled, dazed and confused, through Ireland and Wales, after the wedding we were reluctantly given permission to attend. After we got home, I fell into a deep depression and ultimately decided it was unsafe for me to be around my toxic brother. Everyone else in the family, except the sister he's sexually abused, blamed me for being too sensitive, basically.
Then, when my father became ill and I still chose to avoid my brother as much as possible, I was seen as a complete monster.
I could go on, but I already have, and I think you probably get the picture, now.
Oh, I should say that while I know you're not going to dis someone in their obituary, I don't think it's necessary to paint a picture of them as the second coming when they were a person like my brother. Now, he is sainted and I am the devil because I didn't adore him. If I sound bitter, that's because I am. Working on it, but I'm in a bad place right now.