I thought it would get better by now. Husband died 2-6 and I still can't sleep and must force

[Marthe48]

72. My husband died in 2017

I don't know if I got through my grief, or just live with it. I read your post when you made the decision to get the help for your husband that he needed. Admitting him to a care facility was a hard choice for you, but from what you described, it was the best choice. And his stay didn't go the way you thought it would. If you'd tried to help him at home, and things had gone the same way, would you feel the same guilt?

I often relive the life choices I made, all the way back to my childhood, and I second guess myself any time I think about my life. But here I am. My husband and I didn't live the ifs, and I'll never know whether the alternatives would make our reality different or better.

I hear many people talk about loneliness, but I don't think I get lonely. I don't take my loved ones for granted. They stay in touch, and maybe if they didn't, I'd notice that I'm alone.

People in general are getting used to the idea of instant gratification. Get it now. Give everything a timetable. Grief and loss don't work like that. They have their own schedule, and each of us endure it as we can. How long were you married? A relative, married almost 60 years, lost his wife last month. He said he couldn't believe she was gone. I said that after a lifetime, you can't just move past it.

Long ago, I read that deep grief, such as you describe, physically lasts about 6 months. If your physical symptoms last longer than that, you should seek help. This isn't to say your heart heals, or the memories bring more sadness than joy, but pay attention to what your body is doing.

Give yourself time. Lay down. Even if you don't sleep, you are resting. Keep food and drinks in your house that you like. Take a shower or a bath. Go outside. Even if you don't walk, just get some fresh air. Be nice to yourself.

Sending lifting thoughts.