The Rich, Religious, Gun-Toting Racist Party... I Mean, the GOP. [View All]

[evilkumquat]

A casual observer cannot help but notice that every Republican out there can be lumped into one of the following categories: the wealthy, the religious, the bigoted or a gun nut. As insane as it sounds, this means the Republican Party’s base is comprised of a group of people who would never want to be around each other ordinarily.

THE WEALTHY: What rich guy wants to be around religious people? Churches are always asking for donations, and the wealthy are generally loath to part with any cash if it can be helped. For this reason, people with money are seldom comfortable around guns because what better way is there to lose cash than via a guy waving a Saturday Night Special and shouting? Further, the rich tend to shower regularly, and those with good hygiene do not often choose to spend their time surrounded by inbred, slack-jawed hillbilly racists unable to reach twenty when counting their fingers, toes and teeth.

THE RELIGIOUS: True “Christians” (as opposed to those that merely use faith as a means to promote their own selfish agenda) have it under no lesser authority than the Bible itself that the rich are damned (something about a camel, the eye of a needle and how easy one goes inside the other). Jesus, who said “love thy neighbor”, has to be a hard pill for bigots to swallow since they are full of hate for everyone except members of their own narrow racial, religious or sexual orientation. Christians should also have a huge problem with guns since guns kill people, and killing people is the first thing banned by the Ten Commandments.

THE BIGOTED: Bigots are generally the byproduct of ignorance, which is usually caused by poverty, and name one poor person who loves the rich. True Christians are taught to love everyone, which runs counter to the core beliefs of the average bigot. Finally, in this country, blacks can buy guns as easily as whites, which would give even the Klan pause for thought if they decided to stage an impromptu rope party.

GUN NUTS: Gun nuts are just plain afraid of everyone else- rich, religious or bigoted. For evidence, look no further than the fact that these people argue for the legality of fully automatic assault rifles loaded with Teflon-coated bullets for taking down animals whose hides are thin enough that pointed sticks had been doing an adequate job for years.

How in the hell did a group of people like this decide to all join the same party?

More importantly, why in the hell are the Democrats constantly losing to a group of people like this?