Reply #7: It SOOOO has to do wih having the "right" meds [View All]

[FirstLight]

I was given Zoloft and it made a bad situation worse... (the abusive husband and the stress of our life was the ral reason i was freaking out, thank you....NOT postpartum depression ugh.)
... and zoloft made me have thoughts that were clearly "not mine" if i can define them at all. I wasn;t wholly suicidal or homicidal...but the desperation and feelings and statements that would come out of my mouth were just NOT personality related to who I was at my core. I knew that, even at the time it was happening. that was a creepy thought proces to watch WHILE it is happening, for sure.

I ended up weaning myself off the meds and getting out of the situation, pulled myself out of the gutter andwith LOTS of suport & therapy, even made a stab at a pretty good life for me & my kids after all.

then i started to slip again, this was a pattern i knew in my life where i just couldn't seem to "keep it toghether" without hitting a wall. For me it showed up in physical symptoms. I would get sick and then not want to re-engage with life. i would feel horribly ill like everything was hurting and i couldn't MOVE. it took another year of struggle (and finding a good doctor who looked at my history and other chronic issues holistically) before i was given Cymbalta. which helped the pain factor for me right away and yes, it changed my personality. I was able to differentiate between living in this blanket of pain for years and the abiity to just live my life without the cloud. Then i was able to take control of my other underlying health issues, get healthier in THAT respect and move on... Now i am taking steps to fel more successful in my other pieces of life, taking each one piece at a time. I have been abe to complete a school program when i have never felt like i 'finished' anything in my life before. i am able to be a better parent because being able to have a healthy body is important to DO-ing so many things.
When i have a bad day, it is just a bad day...not a bad month. when i have a physical issue i can addres it specifically rather than feel like my whole body has turned against me. I know the difference between having a pms hormonal time and being in a constant state of agitation and fuzzy thinking, etc.

depression is a really weird thing and i think it is experienced diferently for different people. I am a HUGE advocate for therapy and self improvement ...so i have really made it my goal to grow & learn and be a better person from all this. Some people would rather hide behind a diagnosis or play victim or just take whatever life throws them - (no right or wrong) - it just is the way some folks are.
But if you can get out from under the cloud - and have a shot at feeling like your life is 'normal' - of course it will change your personality! sometimes that can be just as good as winning the lottery...you can achieve things and take risks and begin really LIVING. it's like giving someone a second chance who has been walking around feeling terminal with no chance at recovery...

huge difference, and i am glad for it