Reply #18: Two parrot jokes: [View All]

[Brigid]

This one is courtesy of Whoopi Goldberg:A lady had always wanted a pet parrot, but felt they were too expensive and she couldn't afford one.  Then a friend died and left her his parrot in his will.  The lady was just delighted.  She went out and bought a lovely new cage, parrot toys, etc. Excitedly she brought the parrot home, took off the cover of the cage, and opened the cage door.  The parrot flew out of the cage and around the house from place to place, cursing and squawking and just generally raising a ruckus.  This went on for a couple of weeks.  Finally the lady just lost it.   She grabbed the parrot, took it to the kitchen, opened the freezer door, threw the bird in, and close the door.  She heard it squawking and thudding against the inside of the freezer.  After a few minutes, the noise suddenly stopped. The lady thought, "Oh, My God, I've killed it."  She opened the freezer door.  The parrot, very much alive, hopped meekly onto her shoulder and said, "I'm so sorry for my behavior.  If you give me another chance, I promise I'll be the best parrot anybody ever had."  The lady said, "All right.  I'll give you another chance."  The parrot said, "Thank you so much.  Now could you please answer one question for me?"  The lady replied, "Sure.  What is it?"The parrot asked, "What did the chicken do?"This one is courtesy of Ron White:A magician was booked to perform on a cruise ship.  The captain of the ship had a parrot that would sit in the audience every night and heckle the magician.  "Bwak!  It's up his sleeve!" or "Bwak!  It's under his hat!"  Finally one night the magician just lost it.  He pulled out a pistol, aimed it at the parrot, and fired.  The bullet missed and hit a propane tank instead, blowing the ship to smithereens.  The only surviviors were the magician and the parrot.  As the clung to a piece of wreckage waiting to be rescued, the parrot said, "OK, I give up.  What did you do with the ship?"