Reply #43: I am a proud athiest, but I used to be Catholic [View All]

[The Animator]

it helps if you speak a little of her language.

Bring up the parable of the Good Sumeritan.

Some Christians were talking smack about people of other religions, claiming all other religions to be inferior. Jesus then says "Hey, knock that shit off! Your gonna make us look bad you self-righteous jackasses! Sit down and let me tell you a story...

A guy is walking down the street when he gets mugged, and left for dead out in the middle of friggin' nowhere. A Christian walks past and the guy calls out to him. 'Fellow Christian, help me, I've been mugged and I need some help.'

The Christian responds 'sorry dude, I'm late for church.' Another Christian passes by and the victim calls out again.

'Fellow Christian, please help me, I've been beaten robbed!' Sorry, all the money I have on me is going to help fund the Super Mighty Fundie Tower, which will be able to receive satellite transmissions directly from God's colon!'

'God's colon?'

'sorry gotta go!'

A third Christian passes by, the helpless man cries out again. 'Fellow Christian! I've been beaten, robbed and left for dead, please, for the love of God help me!'

'Sorry, I'm flying out on my private jet to do some important missionary work out in Vegas.'

'Fucken hell! Don't you get it? I'm literally DYING here! I'll do anything please just help me! I'll even be your altar boy!'

'Sorry son, you got a pretty mouth and all, but your just too old for my tas... I mean, you don't fit the Lord's specifications for that role.'

'You know what? Fuck you.'

'The Lord doesn't like bitter people son'

'KISS MY ASS!'

Another traveler passes by, by this time our tired, beaten, and fragile friend has almost given up hope that someone would help him.

'Dude, are you okay? You look like shit.'

'Well I've been robbed, beaten, left for dead, and I've been begging for someone to help me for the past two days so yeah, I'm feeling just peachy.'

'Crap that's horrible! Here, I've got some water, uh... half a sandwich, well hell, let me give you a ride to the nearest hospital.'

'Are you seriess!!11!! Oh thank you! Bless you! I've been begging, praying for someone to help me. Thank fellow Christian, thank you."

'Um... actually, I'm not Christian, I'm a Sumeritan.'

'really?'

'yeah.'

'... really?'

'... yeah.'

'Wow, an altruistic Sumeritan, not two qualities I would expect to find together.'

'Want me to pull over so you can try to flag down another Christian?'

'No, no, point taken, I'm good.'

...and thus ends the Parable of the good Sumeritan." Jesus then asks "Any questions?"

"Yeah what denomination of Christianity do you belong to Jesus?"

"Dude... I'm Jewish."

"... really?"

"... yeah."

"...... really?"

"(idiots!) ... yeah."