Reply #15: Aw, WindRaven, these things hurt almost as badly as grief [View All]

[Lydia Leftcoast]

There's something about this kind of relationship that bypasses your logic circuits, goes straight to the gut, and starts twisting.

If he's starting to act weird after only two weeks apart, you have to consider that he's not quite healthy emotionally. He may be an attention junkie who needs constant reinforcement from someone who is physically present. He may be irrationally jealous ("I bet she's in bed with another guy this very moment!") He may simply be angry at you for leaving and "punishing" you with the cyber-equivalent of the silent sulk. (Stay away from silent sulkers, the people who make a point of showing how angry they are with you and won't tell you why. They are crazy-making passive aggressors.)

It DOES bother me that he complains about two of your major interests, sports and politics. Does he want you to give them up and just do what he wants to do all the time and share his attitudes on everything? Don't do it, because you will eventually feel trapped and unfulfilled.

You don't want to hear this from Auntie Lydia, but you need to back off from this guy and make a point of spending time with people who affirm you. Don't send e-mail, don't call, don't IM him, don't play sad music. Instead, communicate with your high school friends and your platonic friends from college. You probably have some friends who always make you laugh. Definitely get in touch with them.

That will make him realize one of two things: 1) that he's been acting like an ass, in which case he will apologize, or sad to say, more likely, 2) that you can't be emotionally manipulated, so he should move on to his next victim.

More than once in my younger days, the light bulb came on in my head when I saw instances in which platonic friends treated me much better than some guy who supposedly "loved" me.

I have been getting over relationships since before you were born, and the point is, I HAVE gotten over all of them. It was a real revelation to see my first head-over-heels love interest again a year after we parted, to find that without the hormonal haze, I didn't even like him.

In the meantime, :hug: and make the best of the rest of the summer.