Need advice. My brother in law is a lazy, sexist, frequent dinner guest. [View All]

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He lives pretty close by, so he comes over for dinner a couple times a week, and I feel like he treats me the way men in previous generations treated their wives.

This is a dude who never lifts a finger to help cook or clean _anything_. Ever. Ever! He'll just come in, and MAYBE he'll get himself a soda. After that, he sits, he waits for dinner to appear in front of him, he eats, he participates in some after-dinner conversation, he says yes he wants coffee, he eventually gets up, says "hey thanks," and he leaves.

Never does he offer to help with anything. He doesn't do so much as put a dirty spoon in the sink. Nothing. Nada. Zilch.

Sometimes my husband cooks or barbecues. My husband and son also help with the cleanup, usually. They're great. I have no complaints about them. But after many years of being this dude's hostess, cook, waitress, barista, bus boy, dishwasher, and maid, I'm frankly tired of this "guest of honor" who feels his contribution, his part, his sole obligation is "Showing Up." Oh do me something.

None of this bothered me much for a long time. For years I've been aware that he lacks certain social graces, about picking up the check at a restaurant, for instance. He is a pretty stingy individual in general, but he doesn't have much money and I don't want his money anyway. There have been times over the years when he slept over our house, and again he didn't do much (read: anything) to clean up after himself. I tried not to let this kinda stuff bother me, tried not to make my husband feel bad that I was unhappy with his brother. But last night, as I'm cleaning up the pots and pans after dinner, and I'm filling the dishwasher, and my son is getting coffee for everybody, I take a towel to wipe the table. Everyone at the table, except this BIL, iis handing me glasses, etc. they're done with, making room so I can clean the table, and this BIL of mine doesn't do a thing, doesn't move a muscle, doesn't offer or acknowlege anything. He doesn't so much as lift up his hands that are folded in front of him on the table. I had to ask him to please move his hands a second so I could finish wiping the table.

Listen, the dude's a pleasant enough person, I suppose. But he has finally really, really gotten on my nerves. Problem is I don't want to get mad at him because I'd only hurt him. And I refuse to do that. But I am pissed, and I feel like, because I am a woman, he takes advantage, and it's just supposed to be understood that he's a guest who's always welcome to take, take, take, take, because it's his brother's house. And I, as the woman, am only doing the work I'm supposed to do and that men never have to do. Or appreciate. Or even just acknowlege. Me not happy.

Sorry to rant at you nice people. I finally told this to my husband, because the hands on the table was the last straw. I am really pissed! I don't want to cause friction in the family, but I don't think I'm being treated right in my own home. And I don't know what to do.

Any advice?