Reply #21: I guess I'm something of an expert since I have AIDS. [View All]

[Liberal Veteran]

First and foremost, be there as a friend. Not everyone will be and it hurts. Let them know you are there and shoulder to cry on and that you aren't going anywhere. Don't press the person to talk, just let them know that they CAN talk to you and they can trust you to be understanding, non-judgemental, and discreet.

I'm not going to paint a rosy picture of what it's like. I was unfortunate enough to have to deal with a positive test and AIDS diagnosis at the same time. It's terrifying and it changes your life just like any potentially deadly illness can. And people do still die. If the person was recently infected, he probably will go on with a normal life for a decade or more before it becomes an issue. Given the advances made in just the last ten years, there is no reason to think that things won't even be better a decade from now.

If he's got to start meds immediately because it's not a recent infection, adherence is the most important thing. That means taking all of your pills all of the time and on time. You don't get days off. I'm on a once daily regimen and it's two pills with no side effects for me. His/Her mileage may vary, everyone is different. When I was on a twice daily regimen, I literally did not get to sleep in for 5 years because even on my days off, I had to set the alarm for my morning pills.

The upshot is that if you adhere to the drugs and take care of yourself, you can live a very long time with this. I was infected in 1986 (I only know because I was able to track it back to someone who died who I had unsafe sex with while thinking he was being faithful to me...stupid move that and I recall the odd viral illness that is the hallmark of seroconversion illness for many people not long after).

It's not a death sentence, but it's not fun and it's ALWAYS with you. Just be there and ask him or her whether they want any help like even someone just for moral support at the doctor's office. Also, if you can get him or her in touch with a local ASO (AIDS Service Organization) they will likely be able to help with finding a good experienced doctor (which is a must) and navigate any public assistance if needed as well support groups and nutritionists in most cases. A lot of the time, they can also assist in pointing you to free counseling and even lawyer services to help with things like durable medical powers of attorney.

I could go on for days, but I'll just end by saying, if you have any specific questions just PM me. I'm not a doctor and won't offer medical advice (except maybe how to cope with the first few weeks of side effects with the meds...they usually subside), but I am very knowledgeable about HIV (which I think is key to surviving).

And to you....take care of yourself. HIV doesn't just affect the infected and it's only natural for you to be stressed and worried, but don't let it overwhelm you. You have to deal with it as well and that's not an easy thing.