Reply #9: Makes no difference from whence comes the criticism [View All]

[Technowitch]

Everybody is capable of some form of bigotry, whether mild or blatantly overt. Doesn't excuse it at all, but I do understand the usual complaints... (Mind you, understanding is not approval.)

For instance, the 'typical' gay or lesbian person is that. Even though homosexuality runs on a spectrum, they're sufficiently to one end of the old Kinsey scale that the thought of a relationship with an opposite sex partner is unthinkable. They might very well look upon us Bi's as having the option to go either way -- and resent the fact we have the means to have a relationship that nobody in the het community will complain about. For example, as a Bi woman, I could marry a man -- and all of a sudden my attraction to other women becomes irrelevant. The homophobes would leave me alone. So... we have a factor of RESENTMENT.

Another problem is this weird notion that a Bi isn't actually committed to the status, but is merely 'playing around', trying a homosexual lifestyle -- but will go back to living het at some point. My wife's lesbian friends told her to stay away from me -- that either I would find some man and run off to marry him, or I'd suddenly get an urge for children and pursue men for that reason. My understanding is that this reputation is not entirely without evidence, in some gay & lesbian communities. There are quite a few people who say they're Bi -- then hop right back over the fence to their old lifestyle, leaving broken hearts in their wake. In other words, after the initial shine of enjoying the forbidden is past, as soon as it gets old, the so-called Bi goes back to the old het life. So we also have REPUTATION (overgeneralized, to be certain, but there nonetheless).

Finally, there are some Bi's who simply give us a bad name. The ones who conflate a compulsion towards promiscuity with their "true Bi nature". As in, "Honey, but I need a man sometimes, surely you understand that!" Thus being Bi becomes an excuse for oath-breaking and bad behavior. (Mind you, gay men and lesbian women both have their own undeserved stereotypes to deal with... Ours is just different, and unfortunately, even gays and lesbians can have a blind spot when it comes to having certain bigoted preconceptions.)

HOWEVER, this doesn't excuse that male friend's comment -- and I have seen that sort of thing, too. My response would've been, "And if I'd told you I'd broken up with my girlfriend and merely had a new one, does this mean I'd have your approval?" In other words, after one relationship ends, it is just plain wrong for someone to then insist we have to stick to the same gender as the last one. Or to accuse us that somehow having a BF now means that 'latent' heterosexuality was the motivation for dumping the GF.

Personally, I've a feeling that this friend of yours was going from the old stereotype, that a Bi isn't actually committed to being Bi, but merely marking time until someone good enough of the opposite sex comes along -- and then we jump ship.

Me, I know I'm Bi and will be until the day I die. I like men and I like women -- and if I wasn't with my wife, I truly have no idea who else I might be with. I tend to feel an attraction to the person... and find their gender to be irrelevant.

-Technowitch