Crap--I've allowed myself to be abused all over again, ...Help! [View All]

[bliss_eternal]

...with dh's family.I'm SO depressed today, and just feel sick--I feel spent, had bad dreams all night.

This could be a very long story--but I'm going to try to keep it brief for the sake of posting this. If anything is unclear--feel free to ask for details.

Dh's sibs are corrupt, damaged, abusive assholes. They are cold, distant, greedy and selfish. They are also bigots. We are an interracial/multi-racial relationship (depending upon the term you prefer). His mother is fond of painting his (dead) father as the only bigot in the family, as if she's 'better' somehow. She's not. She's made it clear, I'm less than the rest of them in her opinion--but in a 'nice way.' :eyes: Sometimes I feel by the very fact that I married him, I've allowed myself to be abused all over again--just by a different family than my own. :cry:

I tried to stay true to my boundaries, having walked away from my family of origin years ago. He didn't really start to see their 'true colors' so to speak, until we were married.

A few years ago they(dh's sibs) tried to cheat him out of his share of their inheirtance. He cut them out of his life and has nothing to do with them since.

We were still sending gifts to their kids. But 2005 was my last year of doing so. It just doesn't feel right anymore.

He still has contact with his father's sibs. They tried to protect us in the inheiritance situation, and have tried to be honest with dh about who his family really is. He and I spoke to one of them last night. While this relative means well, she's toxic for me--as she hasn't completely healed from being a part of that family. She'll tell us she's done with them. Then the next time we talk to her, she's called them, or spoke to them for some (silly) reason--and she gets upset all over again. It's like she can't live with them, but won't live without them hurting her... It seems self-defeating to me. :banghead:

I generally try to keep my distance from her, because I've experienced enough hurt from those people and am aware of how hearing about it, second hand from her triggers me and my issues. In a moment of weakness, I agreed to meeting with her (and the only other members we still have contact with). :blush:

Last night (of talking with her)and hearing 'the evil one's' latest exploits has just left me completely spent. Talking to her and hearing the same old stories plus new ones has left me a depressed mess today. I feel like a dumb ass for even allowing myself to go there with her. :crazy:

Now I feel I just can't go see them and hear it all in person IN STEREO--lol. Seriously, she doesn't let anything go...

I've told dh to please go without me, and he agreed--but I feel shitty doing so... He'll say he'll go, but I know he won't want to without me.

How do I deal with this?

I would be happy if I never had to hear about those people again--really.