Reply #18: There's a very simple way to keep your kids safe this Halloween [View All]

[jmowreader]

Just take a quick look at the back of the cars in the driveway.

"Bush Cheney 2004" sticker on the car? Following the example set by their lord and master, your kids will leave this house with less candy than they had before they went.

Jesus fish? They pass out Chick tracts. And they're not even the good ones with the guffawing demons. They're the sorry-ass ones about how you can go to hell after being on the mission field for 50 years, and the one where the atheists started torturing Christians and their kid Bobby went to hell for not saying the Sinner's Prayer when we all figured he'd go to hell for being a Nazi.

"Clinton" sticker? Decent candy. Birth control devices for the older kids.

"Grateful Dead" sticker? They pass out joints. Make the kids wait at the curb, knock on the door yourself.

"Kerry Edwards 2004" sticker? Little jars of pickles.

"2006 Member American Dental Association" stickers are in front of homes that pass out toothbrushes.

"Life Member American Dental Association" stickers are in front of homes that pass out Sugar Daddies, Taffy, Kraft Caramels and other revenue-enhancing candies that you can't get off your teeth with a paint scraper.

"It's A Child, Not A Choice" stickers are in front of homes that have the "Hell House" set up in the back yard. The kids will learn all about the evils of abortion, atheism, abortion, Islam, abortion, the Democratic Party, abortion, Judaism, abortion, homosexuality, abortion, women's rights, abortion, sheep fucking and...oh yeah, abortion. At the end you get a free Plastic Fetus keychain. These houses get "egged" with balloons full of roof coating.

"Impeach Bush" stickers are in front of homes you don't want to go to ten minutes after trick-or-treating opens. These guys were passing out full-sized Snickers bars. Unfortunately, they only had a thousand of them and they went quick.

"Support the American Apple Grower" stickers are in front of homes that have the best homemade caramel apples, and a real fireman who helped make the apples is handing them out as kind of a Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval so your mom won't throw them away when you get home.

"Support the American Onion Grower" stickers are in front of homes that are passing out onions. These houses get "egged" with live hand grenades.

"Republican National Committee" stickers have Jeffrey Dahmer behind the door. Cannibalism is a True Publican Fambly Value.